NLP for Speakers and Trainers

Workshop in Singapore, December 8-10, 2010

Most of us have experienced a boring speaker or found ourselves wondering at the relevance of a training we  were attending. Conversely when we have been engaged, enthralled and excited by a masterful presentation our minds become curious, ”how did the speaker get to be so good”.

Speaking can change minds and Training can be the most effective way of developing behaviours and skills in an organisation, however when done badly both are a waste of time and money. Download brochure.

Neuro Linguistic Programming

Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) allows us to model or understand any human experience or behaviour is constructed and then duplicate or improve upon it. With this knowledge speakers and trainers can strengthen what they do well, eliminate what doesn’t work and incorporate the best practices of the masters in the field. Think about how powerful it will be when you can compress your learning curve and to increase the value you offer to your students or clients.

Imagine stepping in front of your audience feeling confident, relaxed and focused. Picture yourself connecting with individuals, seeing eye to eye and noticing the subtle non-verbal cues that let you know just how to land your message in a way that just makes sense.

With NLP skills you can structure a speech or training in ways to facilitate accelerated learning, reduce resistance and increase buy-in because NLP teaches you how the mind and body really work. Download brochure.

Speaking and Training Skills

If you are a new or seasoned speaker, trainer, coach or lecturer then you will want to develop your skills to positively influence and audience. In the NLP for Speakers and Trainers program you will learn about:

• Training State – how to overcome fear and increase confidence and focus
• Training Design – how to plan your presentation to get maximum learning, engagement and application
• Managing the Audience – how to influence the audience’s thinking and feeling
• Unconscious Learning – how to overcome resistance and create a deeper impact
• Closing the Knowing-doing gap – how to turn ideas into actions

Plus you will be personally coached to the next level in your presentation skills.

If you are in Singapore or can travel then Download the brochure for more details.

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As with all things, Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance.

In this YouTube video I share a few tips on remembering a speech.

Feel free to share your tips by adding a comment.

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Ask the tough question

•  “Send me some more information!”

• “Let me think it over!”

These are the two statements that most prospective clients use on sales people. And unfortunately, most of them get away with it.

1)      Unfortunate for the sales person, because he or she will need to call again to chase the prospect/client for an answer whilst having no guarantee of the result.

2)      Unfortunate for the prospect/client, because they will be called again and will have to spend valuable time either reevaluating or fobbing off the sales person.

Since we all know this happens, why are people still doing it?

1)      Because clients are often too polite to say “No” upfront.

2)      Because sales people are afraid to be upfront for fear of getting a “No”.

So, how can you save yourself and your prospect loads of time?

1) Assess if the client is interested – Immediately!

Next time you hear,  “Send me some more information!”Or “Let me think it over!”

Immediately ask the tough question:

“I just want to check with you if my service/product is of interest to you? If not, it will save us both valuable time if you can tell me upfront.”

This way you are giving the client permission to say “NO” and avoid the “unfortunate” part. But you also show that you are serious, have belief in your product and have no interest in chasing the client if they don’t need it.

Most intelligent prospect/ clients will respect that . Who knows? You may even get referrals if you ask for them and might hear “I don’t need it, but I know a friend who might.”

So, with this awareness, are you ready to ask the tough question?

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 Mastery involves focus, concentration, passion, intention, commitment, and discipline.  We can’t achieve mastery in everything in fact most people are unlikely to achieve mastery in anything as they dabble in this and hack about at that.

 I know I have gotten all excited about something bought all the equipment only to have it gather dust some month later.

George Leonard identified four types of people that he experienced over the years: Dabblers, Hackers, Compulsives, and Masters.  As you read these descriptions perhaps you will recognise some elements of yourself, your friends or your colleagues?

Dabblers get into one thing, develop a certain level of skill, get bored, drop it, and move on to something else. Or they have one business idea try it for a few months and then want to do something else.

You can identify dabblers because they are always “trying” – “I will try this”.

Hackers develop a certain level of basic skill and then are content to sit on the plateau and never rise in skill or ability.  Hackers can evolve to new levels of skill, but usually do so only in response to some immediate need or crisis.

For example a social tennis player gets beaten and then takes lessons so that s/he can maintain face or an employee threatened by a new employee’s abilities and lifts their game so as not to be shown up.

You can identify hackers because they are always “Shoulding” – “I should get better at this.”

Compulsives reach the first plateau and become uncomfortable with their level of performance and so push harder and harder to get better faster.  They may reach another plateau or two, but ultimately they burn out.

Compulsives are always struggling and you can identify them by them always saying, “I have to do this.”

Masters understand that the plateau is part and parcel of the mastery process.  They recognise that there are a never-ending series of plateaus on the path toward mastery.  They recognise that being on the plateau and practicing is every bit as exciting as spurts of growth.  So they are undaunted by plateaus; they view them as an expected part of the ebb and flow of life.

The path of the master involves getting instruction, practicing, surrendering to the practice, keeping a clear intention to be the best, periodically pushing the “edge of the envelop.”

Howard Gardner (Creating Minds) wrote extensive descriptions of 7 Geniuses of the 20th century, one as a representative of his Seven Intelligences.  In that work, he describes his research about the pattern that it typically takes a person Ten Years to Master a Field of study.

As a speaker, trainer and coach I know that I am always learning and I know why I am learning; each time I engage with a client I feel that same passion and excitement as when I first started many, many years ago.

Are you on the path of mastery? Have you committed to continual improvement? Let’s hear your stories.

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Research has shown that the inability to build a successful relationship with the boss is a significant reason for managers failing or not reaching their full potential.

When I approach this topic I encounter a number of mindsets that lead to an inability to effectively influence, these include:

• My boss is autocratic
• My boss doesn’t listen to me
• I don’t want to jeopardise my career
• I have no power in the relationship
• My boss doesn’t give me time

Do any of these sound familiar?

The problem with blaming the boss is that you have created an external locus of control which is the exact opposite of self-leadership. To influence you must ask yourself what can I do that will make a difference? The purpose of this blog is to provide some ideas to get you started:

1. Create an Ally

Allies have open and honest conversations, they may not always agree but they will listen to what each other wants and assertively communicate what their own needs. “But my boss doesn’t care what I need” I hear you cry; and my response is, do you know what they need? and have you told them what you need?

2. Finding the boss’s currency

We all have currencies, those things that are important to us and ‘count’ in relationship. Bosses
currenices are likely to be some of the following:

• Commitment to the stated vision
• Doing things ‘the right way’
• Offering help without being asked
• Doing things faster than expected
• Providing information that they need
• Having a skill the boss does not have
• Acknowledging the bosses contribution to the organisation
• Activities that build the bosses reputation
• Using your contacts to expedite a task
• Expressing gratitude for anything the boss gives
• Minimising discomforts and distractions for the boss

Noticing which currencies the boss responds to and paying them in these currencies cost you a little in time and energy but sets up reciprocity.

3.Reciprocity

When something does something for us we feel consciously or unconsciously obliged to reciprocate.
Reciprocation is the number one principle of influence, why else do you think marketing campaigns offer you a free gift? If your boss ‘owes’ you first then you can assertively ask for what you want.

4.Assertiveness

We are most influential when we frame our influence with confidence and conviction. So using formula
for influencing your boss might look and sound like the following:

“Boss [use their name] I understand that x [insert currency or bosses pet project] is important to you and to do this I believe that we should [insert your suggestion here].”

“Boss [use their name] I appreciate that x [insert currency or bosses pet project] is important to you and to achieve this I will need [insert your request here].”

It is my experience that most employees underestimate their ability to Influence Without Authority, whether this is with their boss or their peers; believe you can influence and you will find a way.

Did you find these strategies useful? Do you have a success story on influencing your boss? Please share your stories.

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Have you seen the TV series ‘Lie to Me’?  Lie to Me is based on the work of Paul Ekman, a psychologist who has been a pioneer in the study of emotions and their relation to facial expressions. The show is compelling  because the main character can read when people are lying and appears to have an almost supernatural ability to read minds.

If you are in any kind of relationship; whether it be work, social or romantic the ability to read the other person’s thoughts and emotions about a topic will improve communication providing the skill is used ethically.

I have previously written about psychometric tests which are used in a corporate setting to understand employees personalities and get the best from them, but what about being able to read people on the fly? It is certainly possible and I have taught this skill to managers, coaches, trainers and even intelligence services.

To read people you need to learn to listen with both your eyes and your ears. People are always transmitting what they think and feel, the same way a wireless network is always sending a signal so that you can connect – it’s just that some people are more  encrypted than others!

Mastering the ability to decipher body language, speech patterns and micro expressions takes time but even the novice can get results by learning to notice what people are actually saying.

Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) provides an excellent framework for noticing and calibrating; eye movements, breathing, gestures and facial expressions. The language we use and how we use it gives clues to what’s important to us and topics we feel strongly about as well as our preferred way to process and respond to information.

Here are a couple of exercises to get you started:

Reading Yes / No

Ask a friend to not speak but respond to a series of questions with a definitive “Yes” or “No” in their mind. As you ask them questions that you know the answers such as; your name is, you are x years old, you like icecream – notice how they respond with their; eyes, face, mouth, breathing, jaw tension. When you are clear that you can read yes/no then ask them some questions to which you don’t know the answer and see if you can guess based on what you see. Once you have mastered this you can calibrate people in general conversation by noticing how they respond in the affirmative or negative. With this information you will never be left guessing about whether you have got the sales order or if they will call you again.

Reading Values

Values and beliefs drive behaviours and so if you can read someones values you can predict how they will behave. As you listen to someone notice what they talk about and particularly what they talk about with emphasis. Emphasis can be demonstrated by voice tonality, volume or non-verbal gesture. You can check your read by asking clarifying questions such as, “that seems important to you, can I ask what’s important about that?” This line of questioning delivered in a curious, non-threatening way will uncover values.

These exercise are just to whet your appetite and of course will improve with the right coaching from someone who knows what they are doing. If you would like to learn more then contact us at Self Leadership International.

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I was recently speaking to the Malaysian Association of Professional Speakers in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia on the topic of ‘Professionalism’; practice these techniques and soon you will be speaking like a professional.

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Management and Leadership require getting work done, with and through others whilst gaining their trust and co-operation, the secret is that you have to give trust before you can gain it.

Many of the executives I have coached have struggled with the issue of trust as they have got where they are today by being controlling and see delegation as loss of control. Logically these people know that they must delegate but become frustrated that when they try to delegate they don’t get the results they were hoping for.

I have found that using a ”Why, What, How, Do” approach can create a staircase to effective delegation.

First you tell people “Why” you want to them to do something. We all like to know why what we are doing is important , so when you say, “I want you to do this because…” you make the task meaningful. By giving the reason for the delegation you engage and empower the individual to do their best.

Next you tell the person “What” the results are you are looking for. We know what those results are but our people are not telepathic (and a good job too) so you will have to take the time to describe specifically what a successful outcome will be.

The first time you delegate you will often need to share with the person, “How” to do what you have asked them. At the very least ask if they know how to execute what you have asked them to do and make sure they know they can contact you if there is a problem. Once this step is complete the person can “Do” the delegated task.

On completion of the delegated task, the result will reflect their competency AND your ability to communicate. Successful completion builds your trust and their trust in you that you have their best interest in mind. If things do not turn out as expected, carefully examine the causes and coach the gaps - avoid blaming as this will evaporate any trust that exists.

Once you have successfully delegated the task once, you can skip the “How” stage and just give “Why and What”" instructions. With a trusted team member you can get away with just “Why” or they may have anticipated the need and done the job already!

Effective delegation takes up-front time to get it right but the payoff is that you leverage yourself and free up time to do other things. Like all worthwhile things it take practice, so why not start today?

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In this short video I suggest that what to do with your hands is to make meaningful gestures.

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Now I understand where the writer was coming from;talking about  sex, politics and religion can break rapport, create conflict and ruin the career of the unwary but I have a different perspective. As humans, sex, politics and religion play a significant part of our lives and the biases and meanings we bring to these topics will significantly affect our behaviour; so to not talk about them can be equally dangerous.

Let’s start by considering why talking about sex, religion and politics is like juggling with live ammunition or walking the tight rope without a safety net.

Animals have sex to provide offspring, some are monogamous some are not; and some masturbate or engage in homosexual behaviour. Humans unlike animals have the cognitive power to make meanings and therefore judgements about the act of sex. Humans have the ability to codify behaviour and even communicate these judgements through language. We are social animals and have survived by moral codes communicated by our leaders (politicians), the first recorded being The Code of Hammurabi,King of Babylon about 2250 B.C although the Egyptians probably had an earlier code. The Code of Hammurabi contain 282 sections that set forth business, family, social, and political rules. A universally agreed moral code should remove the need for discussion but not everyone does agree. A device to make argument impossible is to suggest that your rules come from an omnipotent and omniscient deity and so therefore who are you, a mere mortal to challenge this?

Now my last sentence was probably inflammatory to millions of people who believe that their moral code is divinely inspired.  This is why talking about how to behave is fraught with danger because instead of just having a different view on how we should behave we can run foul of the ruling party or even the big G.

If we were to stop all talk of sex, politics and religion we would be effectively outlawing comedy and fun. Comedy and fun allow us step back from our ‘frames of mind’ and consider alternative views. I don’t know if Galileo had a sense of humour but he ran foul of religion when he suggested that that the earth rotates around the sun instead of the other way around. I seriously doubt the Roman Inquisition had much of a sense of humour when they held his feet to the fire to silence him.

Mahatma Gandhi ran foul of politics when he spoke up against the moral authority of the British Empire. His speaking up was successful in removing the occupiers but his pluralism was not sufficient to prevent the separation of the Indian sub-continent along religious lines.

My point is that speaking about sex, religion and politics is called for when we need to shift points of view, especially when there is injustice. The challenge will always be that to have an effective discussion we need to agree on points of reference. When discussing the 3 ‘taboo’ topics it is often not possible to agree on the reference and so we have to ‘frame’ our discussions delicately, for the moment someone feels judged or take something personally they are likely to respond defensively or aggressively.

I speak on leadership and specifically Self-Leadership and in both these disciplines it is important to know what we believe and why we believe it. It is also necessary to be able to deal with paradox and consider multiple perspectives. To this end I make it my business to be knowledgeable of other people’s beliefs and to respect them without needing to agree with them. So by all means speak about sex, politics and religion but do your homework first!

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