Self Leadership Coaching Blog

“Take a deep breath, step back, take 10″ – these commands invite us to disengage from a stimulus/response or fight/flight situation to gain some perspective or choice. Good advice but not always easy to apply in the heat of the moment, especially when we are in conflict with another person.

If we complain to a third party about someone else, they may suggest we “step in their shoes” or “see it from their perspective” – also good advice but a challenge to put into practice when you are experiencing righteous indignation and we are more inclined to set the other person’s shoes on fire rather than to step into them.

There is a technique, if practiced, that can help you to see things from multiple perspectives, Continue Reading »

Far be it from to argue with Jean-Paul Sartre, but I no longer think that, “Hell is other people,” I believe that hell is created by our thinking about other people.

Have you ever lost sleep thinking about what someone else said or did? I know I have, and the worst offence, in my experience, is when you feel that person has judged you unfairly.

This week I’ve had two conversations and some personal experience to remind me that, “What other people think about us is none of our business.” This is a tough mindset to master because most of us want to be liked and respected by others. Hell happens when we are not liked or loved or when people do not behave in the way we think they ‘should’.

A coachee of mine, let’s call him Simon, received his performance review this week. Whilst most of the document was positive there were some comments from somebody on the management team that were, in Simon’s view, not factual and he was ticked off. I read the review and the comments in question were certainly subjective, historical and not based on actual observation of Simon’s current behavior. Notwithstanding how unprofessional it is to write such things in a performance review, my job, as coach, was to help Simon process this information and move on. Continue Reading »

Mark Liew, Trainer and Coach at Self Leadership International, will be conducting a Coaching and Mentoring for Talent Management program in Singapore on May 17, 2012.

When you have developed your people where they are motivated to increase the value of the team and organization by taking on additional delegated tasks, then they are ready for the next level of development. In retaining and developing your top performers, a manager must recognize when coaching and mentoring are the right tools for the next steps with their right people. Continue Reading »

We have all experienced days when we just don’t have our usual zip and if this happens on a Monday then it gives further credence to the ‘Monday Blues’ myth.

Research shows that more sick days (MC’s) are taken on a Monday but moodiness and low engagement can happen equally on any work day. Whilst it’s easy to blame the boss or the company for your lack of energy and commitment to work, I thought on this Monday that I would share some Self-leadership strategies for having a great Monday.

1) Look Sharp – Monday is the day to spruce up after a casual Sunday. Wearing our best clothes makes us feel good and radiate confidence.
2) Say “Hello” and ask after the wellbeing of your office colleagues. Showing interest in them will likely make them feel positive and supportive towards you.
3) Think about what you want to achieve this week – find some challenge for yourself that you will feel good about when you achieve it. In reality all motivation is really self-motivation.
4) Consider how you are going to reward yourself for being focused and in the flow this Monday. When we create small rewards for ourselves, (chocolate, a massage, a movie) we stay motivated.
5) Snap Out of it – If you are prone to lag on Monday, put a rubber band on your wrist and each time you feel yourself becoming down or sloathful – give it a big twang.
6) Stretch and take deep breaths – Get some oxygen to your brain, it’s a safe and natural high.
7) Say, “Thank you” to at least two people for something they have done. Gratitude has been proven to increase happiness.

Have a great Monday, or for that matter Tues, Wed, Thur or Fri!

I was coaching an IT Director of an international bank and we were discussing the challenges of getting consensus decisions in a large organization. He was frustrated and described his approach thus; “When everybody is trying to decide what color to paint the wall, I throw red paint balls at it and then the decision about what color it should be is passed and we can get on with finishing the painting!”

With the sad passing of Steve Jobs today I wanted to make the point that he was a leader who threw lots of red paint balls. Steve did not conduct customer focus groups or ask other people for their opinion; he trusted his aesthetic sense and gut feel. Steve will not be remembered as a great people manager or collaborative team member but as an inspirational innovator who redefined the way we view and use technology.

Steve Jobs was a Self-leader; fully aware of his strengths and unapologetically used them to pursue his vision. He was often compared to a modern day Thomas Edison and I think you could also compare him to Galileo who similarly challenged authority and gave us a new way of looking at science rather than hanging on to outdated models. Continue Reading »

By Rob Bier and Mark Powell

Culminating in last Saturday’s election, Singaporeans from all walks of life, representing the full range of political views and associations, have recently taken part in an unprecedentedly open and passionate debate about who their leaders would be. While the PAP won a clear majority of votes, it’s also clear that many people aren’t happy with the status quo.

In short: Singaporeans may not yet be ready to change their leaders, but they are ready for their leaders to change.
As coaches to corporate executives across Asia, we have seen this played out many times before. Of course, the context is a bit different: employees don’t get to vote for their CEOs. But their voice is still heard, through the strength (or lack) of their commitment to the leadership team’s strategy and vision. In our experience, when employees don’t commit, it’s usually because they lack a strong connection to their leaders – not because they think the strategy is wrong. Continue Reading »

Mac Davis sang, “Oh Lord it’s hard to be humble when you’re perfect in every way,” and whilst the song is tongue-in-cheek it speaks to a challenge faced by today’s leaders. To get to the top you have to be very good at what you do and let the right people see and hear about your competency; you have to have healthy self-esteem to handle the knocks and the naysayers and this leads to a healthy dose of self-belief. So by the time you get to a leadership position you view of the world is likely to be that you are better than those who have not yet made it and this is seen as arrogance (an attitude of superiority or an overbearing manner) and arrogance can be the kiss of death for a leader as it generates resentment and enemies.

So how can a leader be humble when he/she has to be so good?
Research (Tangney 2002) identifies a number of key features of humility: Continue Reading »

I just had a conversation with an American who had visited London and he said, “The people there were great”. How often have you heard this or said this about people from somewhere else? Lots of times I think. So why is it so surprising that when we visit somewhere else, a difference country or culture, we discover that the people there are great?

I think it has to do with our tribal mentality, it somehow serves us to think of “The Others” as different and therefore inferior to our tribe. And yet when we meet people one-to-one we discover that, whether they live in a high-rise in Manhattan or a yurt in Outer Mongolia, people are interesting and generous and have a sense of humour. Continue Reading »

I was recently inteviewed about Self-leadership on Singaore’s 938Live radio program. I have saved 3 audio  files here so you can listen as a Podcast.

What is Self-leadership?

Self-leadership is about intentionally influencing yourself to achieve your objectives.  Self-leaders have the drive for autonomy and so can make thier own descions. Self-leadership Part 1

Self-observation and Resilience

Self-leaders demonstrate resilience and we have discussed Self-observation in a previous blog post. Self-leadership Part 2

Self-leadership and Communication

Self-leaders are intentional about what they say and do; they can communicate assertively and manage thier emotions. Self-leadership Part 3

US President, John F. Kennedy, once said, “Leadership and Learning are indispensible to each other”, which sets a frame that an effective leader does not know it all but is open to new information and perspective. Consider the possibility that everything we know today about our world emerged because people were curious. They formulated a question or series of questions about something that sparked their interest or deeply concerned them, which lead them to learn something new. It is my experience in developing leaders that the best leaders ask the best questions. Continue Reading »