Research shows that more sick days (MC’s) are taken on a Monday but moodiness and low engagement can happen equally on any work day. Whilst it’s easy to blame the boss or the company for your lack of energy and commitment to work, I thought on this Monday that I would share some Self-leadership strategies for having a great Monday.

1) Look Sharp – Monday is the day to spruce up after a casual Sunday. Wearing our best clothes makes us feel good and radiate confidence.
2) Say “Hello” and ask after the wellbeing of your office colleagues. Showing interest in them will likely make them feel positive and supportive towards you.
3) Think about what you want to achieve this week – find some challenge for yourself that you will feel good about when you achieve it. In reality all motivation is really self-motivation.
4) Consider how you are going to reward yourself for being focused and in the flow this Monday. When we create small rewards for ourselves, (chocolate, a massage, a movie) we stay motivated.
5) Snap Out of it – If you are prone to lag on Monday, put a rubber band on your wrist and each time you feel yourself becoming down or sloathful – give it a big twang.
6) Stretch and take deep breaths – Get some oxygen to your brain, it’s a safe and natural high.
7) Say, “Thank you” to at least two people for something they have done. Gratitude has been proven to increase happiness.

Have a great Monday, or for that matter Tues, Wed, Thur or Fri!

With the sad passing of Steve Jobs today I wanted to make the point that he was a leader who threw lots of red paint balls. Steve did not conduct customer focus groups or ask other people for their opinion; he trusted his aesthetic sense and gut feel. Steve will not be remembered as a great people manager or collaborative team member but as an inspirational innovator who redefined the way we view and use technology.

Steve Jobs was a Self-leader; fully aware of his strengths and unapologetically used them to pursue his vision. He was often compared to a modern day Thomas Edison and I think you could also compare him to Galileo who similarly challenged authority and gave us a new way of looking at science rather than hanging on to outdated models.

Steve Jobs will be missed for sure, but what can the rest of us learn from his leadership style? Should we all just trust our gut and say, “to hell with what other people think”?

Firstly I think that if we know our strengths and work on developing them we should not be shy about letting people know what we are talented at. As the great Will Rogers said, “If you’ve done it, it isn’t bragging.”

Secondly we must realize that although we strongly associate Steve with Apple, Apple is more than Steve. Steve was smart enough to attract and retain good people around him to get the job done. Yes he was a charismatic leader but he was not a loner.

When we witness genius, such as that which Steve embodied, we might surmise that we could never be like him, but perhaps you can throw red paint balls in your life? Collaboration is great but not when it leads to procrastination or second rate solutions, so look for an opportunity to lead, to make a difference and to live your legacy – because nothing feels as good as being able to say, “I did that.”

Culminating in last Saturday’s election, Singaporeans from all walks of life, representing the full range of political views and associations, have recently taken part in an unprecedentedly open and passionate debate about who their leaders would be. While the PAP won a clear majority of votes, it’s also clear that many people aren’t happy with the status quo.

In short: Singaporeans may not yet be ready to change their leaders, but they are ready for their leaders to change.
As coaches to corporate executives across Asia, we have seen this played out many times before. Of course, the context is a bit different: employees don’t get to vote for their CEOs. But their voice is still heard, through the strength (or lack) of their commitment to the leadership team’s strategy and vision. In our experience, when employees don’t commit, it’s usually because they lack a strong connection to their leaders – not because they think the strategy is wrong.

When an organisation’s leaders aren’t competent, then of course they need to be changed – time to call in the headhunters. But what to do when competent leaders are no longer connecting with their key stakeholders? Who helps leaders make that change?

Change is always difficult, but a core premise of coaching is that people are capable of changing and growing, usually more than they suspect. And while coaches don’t know much about politics, we do understand the process that leaders typically go through to create this change. In our experience five steps apply:

1. Awareness: Leaders need to be made aware of their effectiveness with key stakeholders through regular feedback. Politicians do this through research polls and, ultimately, elections. In the corporate world this takes place through stakeholder interviews and 360 degree reviews. Like the ballot box, this process needs to be confidential to allow for genuine and honest input. External agents such as coaches are more likely to confront an executive with the hard realities than are employees who depend on the executive’s continuing support to keep their jobs.
2. Insight: Habitual behaviours that were once a source of success can, in a different context, become problematic. For example, some CEOs see every meeting as a chance for them to show how smart they are – which may have worked well enough on their way up the ladder. But they may not realise the negative impact this has on their senior leadership team. Until they can get insight into their own motivations for acting this way, and can change a core belief (e.g. from “I add value by being the smartest guy in the room” to “I add value by bringing out the best from my team”), they will stay locked into the old way of behaving.
3. Action: People don’t acquire new leadership styles overnight. But most people are able to consciously make small if important changes to how they act. If these lead to better results then these small changes can become stepping stones to a more lasting change.
4. Commitment: Changing behaviour is a lot like losing weight: it’s easy to sustain a diet for a week or two, much harder to create a whole new way of eating. To achieve lasting change leaders need both a deep internal commitment and the committed support of key people around them.
5. Mastering the art of Change: As the Greek philosopher Heraclitus noted, “nothing endures but change…” Today’s corporate leaders are faced with a dizzying array of challenges and a constantly-shifting business environment. So even as they successfully master one behavioural change, new situations arise that challenge them to change in other ways. The truly successful leaders are those who can apply what they’ve learned through the process of adapting and changing to the next set of issues. This is true self-leadership.

When leaders take the view that the change that needs to happen is all external to themselves then failure will be the result. Our experience is that personal and organisational change are inextricably linked. Leaders must be part of the change process, and the commitment they make to changing themselves can set off a transformation in their organisations.

Rob Bier & Mark Powell are Directors of 6:30 Partners in Singapore and associate consultants with Self Leadership International.

So how can a leader be humble when he/she has to be so good?
Research (Tangney 2002) identifies a number of key features of humility:

1. An accurate (not underestimated) sense of one’s abilities and achievements.
2. The ability to acknowledge one’s mistakes, imperfections, gaps in knowledge, and limitations.
3. Openness to new ideas, contradictory information and advice.
4. Keeping one’s abilities and accomplishments in perspective.
5. Relatively low focus on self and the ability to “forget the self”.
6. Appreciation of the value of all things, as well as the many different ways that people and things can contribute to our world.

Each of these attributes of humility can be practiced, alone or with the help of a coach. The alternative is to be drawn towards narcissism. The narcissist has a positive view of themselves which is fuelled by fantasizing about fame and success, trying to publically outperform others and winning admiration. Narcissists have a feeling of entitlement, that they deserve special treatment, and are focused on collecting those rewards.

Many corporate cultures fuel the narcissistic personality because this type of behavior can deliver short term results. The price that organizations must pay is that the narcissist is hypersensitive to threats to their esteem and are likely to react with anger and aggression at any sign of disrespect. Such a culture will be low on cooperation and collaboration and high on defections.

In Jim Collins’ book “Good to Great” he found through surveys that humble leadership (opposite of arrogance) was one of the many leadership traits that contributed to the long-term success of organizations. Humble leaders get involved, are willing to listen to opposing viewpoints, and have high self-esteem. They have high moral values, which causes them to be centered on doing things right for the right reasons. They energize others, and believe their talents are a gift to be kept in perspective both in the work place and in their personal lives.

In our Self-leadership programs we stress the importance of developing a healthy Self-esteem that allows the individual to welcome both positive and negative feedback without over-reacting to either. In working with leadership teams, we stress discovering your own strengths and the strengths of your colleagues which make us more accepting of weaknesses and creates the cognitive trust and collaboration to win as a team.

So consider this; you may not be perfect in every way but that is by design, leadership is about playing to your strengths, minimizing your weaknesses and developing trusting relationships that get the job done.

I think it has to do with our tribal mentality, it somehow serves us to think of “The Others” as different and therefore inferior to our tribe. And yet when we meet people one-to-one we discover that, whether they live in a high-rise in Manhattan or a yurt in Outer Mongolia, people are interesting and generous and have a sense of humour.

I am a fan of the mythologist, Joseph Cambell, who made the observation that the human race missed an epiphany. When the Apollo Astronauts stood on the moon and watched the Earth rise we should have all had a massive shift of consciousness. All the world’s religions talk about God or gods looking down on us from above, and now we have experienced the same perspective of ‘looking down’ on Earth. What should we realise when we see our beautiful blue green planet spinning in space? We should realise that we are all One Tribe on One Planet, dependant on it and each other to survive and prosper.

Why do we miss this perspective? Are we hard wired to think in term of them and us; Shi’ite or Sunni, Catholic or Protestant, Democrat or Republican, Male or Female, Black or White?

Yes, we are all unique and different and that’s what makes us the same. Is it easy to honour and respect those differences? I know it’s not for me. I struggle to look for sameness and often default to finding what’s ‘wrong’ about another person. I am, however, aware of my weakness and my Self-leadership journey is to overcome my programming, to see each human as my brother and sister. Does this mean that I will agree with what others do and say, “Hell No!” but I know that by making them wrong I will not be able to influence them.

If leadership is about influence then we must, as Stephen Covey tells us, “Seek first to understand and then be understood”. So my brothers and sisters do you agree or disagree?

What is Self-leadership?

Self-leadership is about intentionally influencing yourself to achieve your objectives.  Self-leaders have the drive for autonomy and so can make thier own descions. Self-leadership Part 1

Self-observation and Resilience

Self-leaders demonstrate resilience and we have discussed Self-observation in a previous blog post. Self-leadership Part 2

Self-leadership and Communication

Self-leaders are intentional about what they say and do; they can communicate assertively and manage thier emotions. Self-leadership Part 3

In October of 1982, Tylenol, the leading pain-killer medicine in the United States at the time, faced a tremendous crisis when seven people in Chicago died after taking extra-strength Tylenol capsules. It was reported that an unknown suspect/s put 65 milligrams of deadly cyanide into Tylenol capsules, 10,000 more than what is necessary to kill a human. Tylenol’s manufacturers Johnson & Johnson was faced with the dilemma of the best way to deal with the problem without destroying the reputation of the company and its most profitable product. Even though the Tylenol product itself was not at fault the Johnson & Johnson leadership asked the question, “What is the most ethical action we might take?” They withdrew Tylenol from shelves and made public announcements warning people about consumption of the product. The company then created the industries first tamper proof container and restored the public’s confidence.

A true leader faces facts, presents a situation fully to all stakeholders, and models accountability. A leader does not attempt to minimize the extent of a problem or promise action faster than can be delivered. A true leader sets appropriate expectations and delivers. He or she does not duck responsibility by shifting the bulk of the blame to someone else.

About a week after the 2010 platform explosion in the Gulf of Mexico BP’s Chief, Tony Hayward, was quoted in the New York Times as asking his executive team, “What the hell did we do to deserve this?” Then he lost all credibility by declaring, “I want my life back.”

Leaders usually believe that they are being paid for fixing problems rather than for fostering breakthrough thinking. Consider these four questions; “What time is it?””Did you take a shower””What possibilities exist that we haven’t thought of yet?””What does it mean to be ethical?” I think you will agree that the last two questions require a different level of thinking than the first two.

A leader’s questions should invite fresh thinking/ feeling. They should be familiar enough to be recognizable and relevant —and different enough to call forward a new response. A leader’s questions should generate hope, imagination, engagement, creative action, and new possibilities -it should not increase focus on past problems and obstacles?

How many leaders today know how to frame strategic questions that open the space for thinking about possibilities rather than solving problems? How many leaders are comfortable with not knowing and can constructively help others bring forth their collective knowledge? Could you be that kind of leader?

Companies are currently facing many problems, not least of which are, “how to restore trust in the leadership and how to engage employees?”

If leadership is getting work done with and through people, whilst gaining their trust and cooperation; is it not time to ask some good questions?

In the words of the wise Lao Tsu, “A leader is best when people barely know he exists. Not so good when people obey him and acclaim him, and worse when they despise him. Fail to honour people and they will fail to honour you. Of a great leader, when his work is done, people will say, we did it ourselves.”

The feed-forward and feed-back loops between our selves and the world explains how we program effective or limiting behaviours.

Our existing ‘frames of mind’ (beliefs, values, identity etc) drive how think and feel and therefore our behaviours; what we do and how we do it, what we say and how we say it. This is our output. Simultaneously we receive input from the world around us which includes feedback from our outputs (behaviours). Inputs can confirm or alter our ‘frames of mind’ depending if we are open to the feedback.

Let’s look at some examples. Let’s imagine I have a frame of mind that health and fitness is import to me and so I think and feel I should go to the gym. When I do go to the gym, I give myself self-feedback and think to myself how commiitted I am to exercise; now I reinforce the program of myself as a fit person. Alternatively, perhaps I think I should lose weight but I feel like an ice cream and chocolate, I eat the chocolate, but now I guilt myself for doing it and start to program myself as a lousy at weight loss.

We can take this to another level; maybe you perceive your workplace as hostile and so don’t share your ideas or offer to help colleagues. They respond in kind and make your life difficult – can you see the self-fulfilling prophesy? What if instead you see your work place as an opportunity to contribute and be creative, you give freely of your ideas and assistance to your team members, and they reciprocate and support you with your projects. Now you are a positive influencer to those around you which is a common side-affect of self-leadership.

Of course this doesn’t always hold true. There are influences in the environment that may give us negative feedback even for positive behaviours; for example you may work in an environment that doesn’t value creative behaviour and you may get scolded for attempting such behaviours. When these events happen during our youth they can be very formative.

A journalist I know was quite the artist when she was at school. A temporary teacher encouraged her to let her imagination run wild and draw what she wanted. Following these instructions she created an excellent sketch of young muscular bare chested man. When the regular teacher returned she was shocked at the image, perceiving it as lewd she dragged this young student to the principles offices where she was severely reprimanded. Now this young lady could have decided at this point that art is risky endeavour but instead she exercised self-leadership and used this sense of injustice as an intrinsic motivation to express herself, which has made her successful as an adult.

I had a similar experience when I was in primary school. The music teacher told me I couldn’t sing and should mime when the school sang as a choir. However this did not fire me up to prove her wrong and so even today I am a bit embarrassed to sing in public. Hang on, I hear you say, but as an author on self-leadership shouldn’t you have re-programmed yourself to overcome this? You are probably right, but I have chosen to develop other skills. I do know that if I want to I have could invest the time and energy to do so I can expunge the influence of an inadequate educator who was more interested in her choir than the development of self-esteem and confidence of a 4 year old.

Overcomming Toxic Behavioural Programming

How do we get overcome old behavioural programming? Well first it starts with self-observation.

For example, maybe you think you are mediocre at presenting information to senior managers so you feel a bit anxious but do it anyway. After the presentation you get positive feedback from your boss and peers which builds a frame of mind that you are pretty good at presenting after all. Conversley you might think you are pretty good at report writing but after writing a report you get scolded by you boss and start to doubt youself. The result, you dislike report writing and avoid them where possible.

The crux of Self-leadership is our choice; we choose our thoughts, feelings and behaviours and with Self-observation we can choose our ‘frames of mind’. When we meet challenge or adversity, it is our choices that form either empowering or disempowering ‘Frames of Mind’ which in turn will drive our thoughts, feelings and behaviours.

In my upcommng new book with Dr. Ana Kazan we share strategies for developing your self-leadership and increasing productivity, creativity, innovation and postivive influence.

“Why should we not calmly and patiently review our own thoughts, and thoroughly examine and see what these appearances in us really are?”- Plato

Self-leadership begins with self-observation, which means noticing our thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Self-observation is like checking the instruments of an airplane to ensure it is flying level and on course. By checking in on ourselves we can make adjustments which allow us to be more purposeful and effective.

Self-observation, also known as introspection, contemplation and self-reflection is simple but not always easy. When we observe we find it difficult not to judge and self-judgment can be painful because So many of us have been taught or conditioned in childhood that we’re not good, we’re lacking, we’re not good enough. And so that makes us very reluctant to look at ourselves.

Self-observation should not be confused with your super-ego which may have been programmed by authority figures or religion to guilt and shame us when we have certain thoughts. Many religions have a very limited application of self-observation; because they “know” what’s right and wrong they have a list of sinful thoughts, feelings and behaviours to look out for.

Self-observation in a self-leadership context is about making a commitment to learn the truth about yourself and your world, no matter what it is. This requires comparing, but not judging, our thoughts, feelings and behaviours with feedback we get from the world around us so that we don’t get caught up in our own fantasies and biases.

Self-observation is about when, why and under what condition you exhibit certain behaviours; questions to ask yourself include:

• What do I think/ feel about this?
• How is my body responding? (stress, relaxation, pleasure etc)
• What am I paying attention to?
• What am I paying undue attention to?
• What are my distractions?
• What are my biases?
• What am I unaware of?
• Am I focused on problems or opportunities?

Self-observation is about how you run your psychological machinery; “What’s going on? What’s behind that? What else can I learn about this?” This enquiry must be undertaken with the commitment to accept whatever you learn about yourself; to quote a maxim. “The truth will set you free.”

Allow me to share a concrete example. Recently I was in a meeting with a potential client for my consulting services; the client had kept me waiting, shown me into an interview room and then said, “Tell me about yourself”. I asked if they had heard of my work or read the bio data that had been sent to them, the responded with, “no we are just looking for some vendors”. At this I felt myself becoming angry and indignant, I noticed the muscles of my jaw becoming tense and my mouth dry. My self-observation noted that my ego had been threatened and that I had been labelled a vendor when I preferred to work as a partner in creating solutions. Self-observation allowed me to notice all of this before I engaged in a behaviour that would have guaranteed me not getting the contract. At this point I was able to use another self-leadership strategy to shift my thinking and feeling to a calmer place and build rapport.

So how do you get good at self-observation? Isn’t this likely to lead to being self-obsessed are two questions I am often asked. The answers are as follows;

To get good at self-observation requires practice, the practice to check in non-judgmentally. Try this, look at your watch for 5 minutes without distraction.

You will probably find this quite challenging because you experience all sorts of distractions and judgements such as, “this is taking a long time”, “Has my watched stopped?””This is a waste of time.”etc.

Now spend five-minutes just sitting and observing the world around you, and accept every little thing that comes along without judgement. You might hear the ticking of a clock, the sound of an air-conditioner or feel how the chair is supporting you and whether you are moving to get comfortable. As you notice all the sensory data that comes your way, just accept it as information without judgement.

When you can do this you can begin to regularly and especially when you notice you are feeling stressed. Start with noticing, what am I thinking about this? What am I feeling abut this? What are my behavioural choices about this?

Through self-observation you may find you making some changes to your actions and reactions or you will be ready to apply other self-leadership strategies.

So does self-observation make you self-obsessed? Quite the contrary, once you accept the truth about yourself you are much more accepting of those around you and so you can build much more robust relationships.

Remember, “An unexamined life is not worth living.” – Socrates