Self Leadership Coaching Blog

Recently I presented a workshop on success principles and what was interesting was that many of the participants struggled with the concept that they did not need permission from anyone to feel good about themselves or to be successful. One lady that I coached in front of the group was struggling with receiving money for the services she offered even though ‘intellectually’ she recognised the value she offered but ‘emotionally’  she felt she did not have permission to be paid. “Just do it” is the Nike creed; “build it and they will come” says the Kevin Costner character in Field of Dreams. Whilst these maxims may seem selfish or gung-ho, they do reveal the power of self-belief and intentionality. When we believe in ourselves and set an intention to do something, we become an ‘attractor’ and draw to ourselves the people and resources we need to complete the project. Will it be easy? Unlikely, nothing worthwhile is usually easy. Will it be rewarding and satisfying? Absolutely! Continue Reading »

I believe that to survive and prosper we need to learn faster and to teach better.

Did you know that your learning follows a path? Firstly you don’t know what your don’t know, which is a state I like to call “blissful ignorance.” On the learning path this is known as unconscious incompetence. Continue Reading »

This blog post is prompted by a conversation I had last week with someone who had just learned the hard way that not doing the right thing costs on the inside even when it doesn’t cost on the outside.

The dictionary definition of integrity describes it as having a consistency of actions, values and principles. I like to describe integrity as, “doing the right thing even when no one is looking”.

So how does not being consistent with your actions cost you? Continue Reading »

I am currently in the land of smiles (Thailand) teaching a leadership development program for a pharmaceutical company. At the end of the first day I wandered out of my hotel looking to stretch my legs and get something to eat. I chose a restaurant with al fresco dining so that I could watch the world go by.

The waitress arrived, and after taking my order ventured to practice her English by asking, “how are you tomorrow?” I smiled and chuckled and said that I intended to have a really good day tomorrow and that I was also having a good day today. Continue Reading »

Should is a signpost to our mental maps. When you say, “I should do this or I shouldn’t do that”, you are telling yourself and those who are listening about your personal ‘rules of behaviour’.

What is more interesting however are the ‘unsaid shoulds’.  When we get angry or upset it is most probably because somebody else has not complied with our ‘shoulds‘ or ‘shouldn’ts‘.

For example; if somebody pushes in front of you in a queue, do you feel angry? You do? Well that is because you (and me for that matter) believe that they shouldn’t push in.

Customer service is all about anticipating the expectation of should and shouldn’t. Last weekend I was taking my wife and children to see Barney (the pink dinosaur who dances!) at the Singapore Expo. Well firstly the car park was a nightmare, not enough spaces and people parking illegally and blocking traffic.  I could feel my stress levels rising as I knew I should get the kids to the show on time and that the expo SHOULD have provided enough parking.

I chose to drop my family at the entrance and go and find another car park, so after jogging back to the venue I was just in time for the show to start. My wife asked me to find two seat boosters for the kids and so I hurriedly set off in search of these only to be told by expo staff that they had run out of boosters and that I SHOULD have been there earlier!
Now I am not proud of my response to this situation because I raised my voice and told the girl that I had paid for the most expensive seats to see the damn dinosaur and I damn well think they SHOULD provide enough boosters!  In defense of the Singapore Expo or the organisers of Barney and Friends we were recompensed with two buckets of popcorn but it is another example of reacting to a ‘should’.

I have just stayed at an excellent hotel (The Grand Millennium Bangkok, Thailand) where my every need was anticipated. On check-in I was asked, “Should I need a wake up call and should I need a car to take me to the airport.” This hotel continued to impress me and I was reminded of how wonderful life is when the world meets or exceeds your mental maps.

The reason I was in Bangkok was to conduct a 3-day leadership program for senior managers and during that training I emphasised using the phrase, “what’s important to you about that?” This question uncovers a person’s values including their – ‘shoulds’. Knowing your own and other people’s mental map results in effective communication reduced conflict and increased influence.

So shouldn’t you get better at your shoulds?

In this 4 minute video clip I explain the self leadership distinction between Responsibility FOR your thoughts, feelings, speech and behaviour and Responsibility TO our relationships and contracts.

“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt. ”
- William Shakespeare, “Measure for Measure”, Act 1 scene 4

Self Confidence is a critical skill for success and as an executive coach I often encounter people who sabotage their success by lack of confidence.

I think it is helpful to realise that confidence is not the belief that everything will turn out well; confidence is an acceptance of the consequences of any situation no matter whether they are good or bad and the belief that you can deal with them.

The self confident individual does not dwell on negative consequences because they don’t fear failure but see it as feedback for further improvement.

With self confidence as part of your self leadership you will not worry what others think of you but focus on the adjustment you need to make to your communication or behaviour to achieve your outcomes.

Using feedback to improve performance is likely to create positive results which in turn reinforce self confidence creating the belief that you will succeed again.

Self confidence should not be mistaken for over confidence or arrogance; such people do not have the self awareness to learn from feedback and have no concern for the input of others or how their actions affect others.

So the frames of mind that create self confidence are:

• Belief in your ability to learn
• There is no failure only feedback and feedback is just information for improvement
• Flexibility to do or say it in a different way
• Resilience to set-backs
• Persistence to see it through

Do you need to increase your self confidence today?

Monday May 25, 2009: Executive Coach and Meta Coach, Andrew Bryant will present ‘Masterful Coaching’ at the Singapore International Coach Federation (ICF) chapter meeting.

Together with Executive Coach, Dennis Heath,  he will facilitate a debrief a video of masterful coaching by Meta Coach Michelle Duval.

If you are in Singapore and want to see how masterful coaches, build rapport, ask questions, probe for meaning, and co-create new behaviours and reinforce resourceful thoughts and actions, then come along. Details here.

What’s your worst customer service experience?

I bet you have a story about receiving lousy customer service, I know I have a few. On the flipside – do you have a story about giving lousy customer service? Ouch, this is more difficult to contemplate because we naturally see the world from our own point of view.

Whatever work you do, you have customers – whether they pay you directly or not. If you work in an organisation you will have internal as well as external customers.

The word customer contains the word custom which means habit. So a customer is someone who buys or interacts with you more than once, and this suggests some kind of relationship. Just like other relationships, customer service can be good or bad depending on the mindset you bring to it.

When I was about 12 years old I started working in my father’s hardware store. I was an enthusiastic young man and began to learn about the products, becoming knowledgeable and therefore important (in my mind). One day I got into an argument with a customer about the ‘proper’ definition of a product, my father stepped in, agreed with the customer and sold the product. I was furious because I knew I was right and confronted my father about this. His response was, “Son, I know you were right, but do you want to be right or do you want to be rich?”

The famous sales trainer Zig Ziglar said it this way:
“If you help enough other people get what they want, you can have anything you want.”

With this frame of mind we can prosper by meeting and exceeding the customer’s expectations.

My blog today is inspired by my wife Zurina Bryant.

At our self leadership programs we emphasise the importance of turning ideas into action or closing the ‘knowing-doing’ gap. Zurina is the embodiment of this principle and once again she has demonstrated her commitment to transform thoughts into reality.

Zurina loves taking photographs and one year ago decided that she would like to make her passion a career – not a new concept but the difference is how she executed this idea. In April 2009 she charged for her first professional shoot, today (12 months later) she is a busy photographer and is having her first gallery exhibition, ‘Shades of Pink’. Continue Reading »