Gen Y’s, often called millennials, and the younger Gen X’ers (still in their 30’s) typically have high self-esteem, a global perspective and are optimistic. They are driven by immediacy and innovation but what they often lack is the ability to speak up appropriately and listen to their more experienced colleagues.

Self-leadership is about being more successful and effective from the inside-out and self-leadership cultures are characterized by autonomy and responsibility. In this article I am suggesting that promoting self-leadership is a strategy to harness the innovation and energy of Gen Y’s with a slight shift in leadership style by senior managers.

Self-leaders are self-aware and confident; they set goals and motivate themselves to achieve these goals. This type of behavior is productive for an organization when the goals the self-leader sets are in alignment with the company’s vision and values. Baby boomers and older Gen X’ers have often had goals set for them and when they become leaders in an organization expect their employees to not only conform to the goal but go about achieving it in the same way they would.

Conforming is not a driver for Gen Y’s who prefer a fluid network of connections rather than a rigid hierarchy of authority. Telling a Gen Y what and how to do their job is de-motivating for them, as they expect to be listened to and disengage if they are not.

How then do we resolve the generation gap?

Baby Boomers and older Gen X’ers must accept that a job is no longer about just making a living; it is about making a living and having a life. Finding meaning and purpose in work is what self-leaders do and is healthy regardless of what age you are. We must keep asking, “Why are we doing this?” and not just make this a top down directive but ask everyone in the company. Gen Y’s love to be listened to, so why not create forums for them to share their ideas about why what they do is important? Self-leadership research shows that people are much more productive when they have a purpose.

“Live, learn and play” is a theme for Gen Y’s; they have blurred the line between work and life and for them work-life balance is not necessarily going home early but being able to have a life at work. What would this look like in your organization? There are various approaches to making work a fun and learning environment such as ‘Fish Philosophy’ by Stephen C. Lundin and rotating roles regularly. I recently heard Amy Lynch of Bridgeworks talk about Thomson Reuters who, when hiring straight from university give employees not one job but three jobs lasting 9 months each. Gen Y’s experience this as rapid learning and rapid career advancement – two things that are very important to them staying in a job!

Relationships matter and Gen Y’s expect their managers to be caring, inspiring and competent. The caring piece might be a tough ask for senior managers who had no experience of being cared for in their career – the answer is coaching. Coaching, when done properly, is about listening, which equates to being cared for by Gen Y employees. Leaders must develop their coaching skills which, in addition to listening, includes co-creating goals and targets which is inspiring, rather than telling – which is not.

Finally I want to talk about respect and responsibility; these are two important values for baby boomer which Gen Y need to learn to observe if they are going to be successful. We need to be telling Gen Y’s, “Yes, you are innovative, yes, we will listen to you and in return we expect you to share your ideas and innovations without insulting the hard work that has gone before you and we expect you take responsibility for managing yourself to achieve your goals.”

The world has changed. The advent of personal computing in the 1990’s and the mobile connectivity advancements in the 2000’s means everything happens faster and globally. Gen Y’s are digital natives but have not had to develop the patience and resilience that build the self-leadership of older generations and so we need to learn from each other if we are going to continue to live, love, learn and play.

The ideal mentor is someone who has been where you are going and is interested and capable to develop you. The effective mentor doesn’t do the work for the hero (mentee) but asks questions that the mentee doesn’t ask themselves but ought to.

The ideal mentee (hero or heroine) is commmited to their quest (career), hungry to learn and disciplined enough to execute what they have learned. If this describes you and you don’t currently have a mentor or belong to a mastermind group, what do you do?

Tim Ferris, in his book the 4-hour work week, suggests that you contact the person you most respect and just ask them. This is a good suggestion and an equally good one is to join a professionally lead mastermind group.

My friend and colleague, Ian Berry is a professional mentor and change agent and is successfully facilitating mentoring mastermind groups in Australia and Dubai. Ian and I think that leaders in Asia also need to get together and support each other’s growth; to this end we are co-hosting a mastermind group in Singapore. For details click here or contact me directly via www.selfleadership.com.

“There are no fairy godmothers – If you want to be transformed, to be free, you must do the work; you are the hero, you are your own savior.”

This does not mean we deny the importance of faith, in fact our research shows that sprituality is linked with stronger self-leadership; what it does mean is that you must take responsibility for your own success – blaming others for your circumstances or prayer without action is futile.

Life is not fair, we are not all born with parents who validate our self-esteem and provide opportunities for us to learn and grow; sometimes circumstances are downright cruel. But success is measured not by what you have but how much you have grown inside and this comes by motivating yourself to overcome obstacles and live with purpose.

Mythologist Joseph Cambell tracked the hero’s journey, a common them in all cultures (and Hollywood), which is the process by which we are called to action, to a higher purpose (think about Neo in the Matrix or Luke in Starwars). The hero initially refuses the call and may even run away (Jonah and the whale) but on meeting a guide or mentor sets out on an outer and inner journer of discovery, challenge and growth.

We are all heroes or heroines, just living with purpose and integrity in today’s world takes courage and perseverence. Hopefully you are lucky enough to have a mentor (or coach) to guide you but ultimately you must seek the answers within. Ultimately self-leadership is about finding what motivates you and managing your distractions so that you become effective.

Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi described the state of ‘flow’ those periods when you are totally engaged in what your are doing and time just ‘goes away’. When we are in flow we are experiencing natural self-motivation and what we are doing gives us a clue about our purpose. For me, flow happens when I am coaching or speaking to an audience about how they can improve their self-leadership. What is it for you?

Organizations have often ignored the power of self-motivation in favour of offering ‘stick and carrot’ style approaches to getting people to work better. Heroes, can work alone or together combining their powers and covering for each other to make powerful teams.

Even heroes have doubts and a negative inner dialogue can be kryptonite to your superman. The hero recognizes that success is a journey and that their will be setbacks and failures but these are learning experiences that prepare him or her for the next challenge. The hero knows that they must live by a personal code of ethics and if they stay true to this, regardless of what happens externally, they will be a success.

“A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself.”
Joseph Campbell

If we complain to a third party about someone else, they may suggest we “step in their shoes” or “see it from their perspective” – also good advice but a challenge to put into practice when you are experiencing righteous indignation and we are more inclined to set the other person’s shoes on fire rather than to step into them.

There is a technique, if practiced, that can help you to see things from multiple perspectives, including your own, the other person’s and gain insight into the contextual forces that are driving both of your behaviors. With this insight you will have choice over your emotion, communication and actions, you will have Self-leadership.

This technique called the ‘Step Back Process” works because you have the ability to think about your thinking; without moving a muscle you can shift mental perspective and notice what you are thinking and feeling relative to a stimulus, whether that be person or an event. As mentioned  earlier, this is easy to do when you are calm and much harder to do when you are angry and plugged in which is why it is good to practice this with something that is not a 10 on your emotional scale. Think of something that annoys (a 2 or 3 on your emotional scale), such as somebody cutting in front of in traffic.

Even with this low level trigger it is difficult to see the world from the other person’s view, but if you instead shift your perspective to be an observer of the incident. Imagine you are standing on the sidewalk as neutral observer of both cars, what would you think and feel then? You would be able to see both points of view, you could empathize with both drivers who are trying to do their best to get where they are going as quickly as possible in traffic.

We have all experienced the observer position, for example, when two friends or associates are quarreling and we can see both sides of the argument. What we need to do is to train ourselves to take this observer position in our own lives. When we feel triggered we need to make it a habit to ‘step back’ into this observer perspective as soon as possible, because from this point of view we can be curious about what made us react, we can examine our frames of mind and assumptions and from here we can make better choices about how we act.

First perspective is from our point of view. Second perspective from the ‘others’ point of view. Third perspective is the observers point of view. when we train our self to go to third perspective first, we can then explore positions one and two in way that will get useful information.

There is a fourth perspective in any communication or conflict, this is the ‘context’, ’system’, ‘culture’ or the ‘rules of the game’. In my traffic example the system would be the road rules and the context would be any changes in the environment, such as road works. At work the system could be a standard operating procedure and behavior could be affected by the organizational culture.

To really understand why we behave the way we do and why others do what they do we must learn to operate from multiple perspectives. To just think you are right and they are wrong is immature and selfish; people do what they do because it feels right to them but when we work together we must consider what is best for ourselves and the group. When we take responsibility for our perspective and invite others to do the same we can communicate at a much higher level and give ourselves the flexibility to update our perspective with new information.

Is operating from multiple perspectives easy? Of course not, when we are tired and stressed it is easy to be hijacked by our emotional self and see the world in black and white, right and wrong terms.

Is operating form multiple perspectives worthwhile? Absolutely, the more we can do this the more leadership we can exert – over ourselves and the situation. So, step back and take a deep breath and observe your situation anew.

In this age of globalization, it is smart to wonder if there is a way to get the best from people regardless of race or nationality. While doing the research for my book, Self-leadership (McGraw-Hill, available Sept 2012), I discovered an interesting dynamic between an organization’s business culture and leadership style and the level of personal autonomy of its employees.

People who work under a leader who is very direct or for a company with an authoritarian culture will have difficulty expressing their personal autonomy in terms of speaking up, making decisions, being creative and innovative. They may passively accept this command-control style, however, it is more likely that they will become dis-engaged or even resentful.
This scenario does not support Self-leaders, who thrive in an empowering culture.

What can be done to bridge the gap and build high performing individuals and teams in Asia?

1. Teach responsibility

Each person should be responsible for their own thoughts, feelings and actions. We need to send a clear message that we respect people as individuals and expect them to manage themselves. Reinforce this by constantly asking, “What do you think about this?” “What do you feel about this?” Initially you may be met with silence, but persevere, make the environment safe to speak up. When an employee points out a problem, gently push the responsibility back and ask, “What can you do about this?”

2. Be clear about accountability

Make sure you are crystal clear about what each individual (rather than the group) is accountable for. Let them know not only what their targets are, but also what behaviors you expect to observe on the way to achieving them. I appreciate that this may seem like a command and control style, but if people have not had autonomy they cannot initially make these judgments. Over time you can shift your style to work with people to set their own targets and behaviors and eventually they will do it themselves.

3. Never SHOUT

In Asia, if you shout or lose your temper you will likely lose the respect of your people and they will probably shut down and become quite unproductive.

4. Separate person from performance

Self-leaders not only take feedback, they seek it out; but when giving feedback in Asia with people who are not yet Self-leaders, you must be doubly careful to make the feedback about the action and NOT the person. If you say, “You wrote a lousy report,” it will be interpreted as “You are lousy.” Whilst it may seem cumbersome at first you will get much better results if you learn to say something like, “I know you to be highly competent and so I know you will want to rework this report to show more clearly how you analyzed the problem, what your conclusion is and what action you suggest we take.”

People in Asia on the whole are committed and hard working. While their education has often emphasized the acquiring of knowledge rather than independent thinking, this does not mean they are not capable of it. If the power differential between boss and sub-ordinate is reduced at a controlled rate and if they are encouraged and acknowledged for having an authentic voice then productivity and innovation will be unleashed.

Have you ever lost sleep thinking about what someone else said or did? I know I have, and the worst offence, in my experience, is when you feel that person has judged you unfairly.

This week I’ve had two conversations and some personal experience to remind me that, “What other people think about us is none of our business.” This is a tough mindset to master because most of us want to be liked and respected by others. Hell happens when we are not liked or loved or when people do not behave in the way we think they ‘should’.

A coachee of mine, let’s call him Simon, received his performance review this week. Whilst most of the document was positive there were some comments from somebody on the management team that were, in Simon’s view, not factual and he was ticked off. I read the review and the comments in question were certainly subjective, historical and not based on actual observation of Simon’s current behavior. Notwithstanding how unprofessional it is to write such things in a performance review, my job, as coach, was to help Simon process this information and move on.

In my book (Self-leadership, published by Mc Graw-Hill in 2012) I explain that we are responsible ‘For’ our thoughts, feelings, speech and actions – we are not responsible ‘for’ what somebody else thinks, feels, says or does. Our sense of ‘Self’ our self-esteem is not dependant on others and we give up our power of choice if we allow others to define us.

As a child you did look to others and to define you because you had not yet developed your autonomy;  and as an adult you can carefully observe the behavioral norms from any group/team you decide  to join an choose to ‘fit in’, but ultimately who you are is your choice.

Simon was particularly angry because his reviewer was not seeing him the way he saw himself. Her comments were based on an incident that had occurred three years ago which she had not personally witnessed and so was basing her judgment on hearsay. What can I say, “Life is not fair”, and people are going to do ‘unfair’ things. Also this week, I consoled a friend who had been contacted for a dream job. This would have been great if it had not been for the fact that a friend of hers had applied for the same job and considered it “hers” – On learning that my friend had been contacted; she was furious and stopped speaking to her friend.

Should we consider the feelings of others? Of course we should.

Are we responsible for the feelings of others? Absolutely not!

Hell would be trying to please all the people all the time. We must live according to our values and our vision; if we are part of an organization or team we choose to align our values with the values of the group. When other members do not behave according to those values then we can bring this to their attention in a respectful but assertive way. If we say nothing but just judge these people in our minds then we create a hell for ourselves.

We all have a mental bias that what we do is right and what others do is wrong. As I was driving to work today car moved rapidly into my lane and I cursed his driving; just a few moments later I needed to also rapidly change lanes and because I indicated expected to be let in. The car behind beeped me, and I am sure he judged my driving as bad whilst I am convinced I was in the right.

There is a story about two monks walking in the forest when they come to a stream. There is a woman struggling to cross and so one monk picks her up and carries her to the other bank. The monks continue on their journey but the one who had not carried the woman was, despite not saying anything, obviously furious. After some miles he broke his silence and said, “Our order prevents us from touching women, I can’t believe that you would carry that woman across the stream!” He is met with a smile from the first monk who says, “Brother, I put that woman down five miles ago, why are you still carrying her?”

Choose to put down the baggage; don’t carry other people around in your head. If you need to say something, say it but remember they will often feel as justified in their perspective as you do in yours.

Self-leadership

It should be no surprise that as the author of a Self Leadership blog that I think it is critical that Senior Managers begin to master their Self-leadership. Self-motivation, Self-direction and Self-regulation enable the manager to ‘walk the talk’ and be a positive influence to those that they lead.

Transformational Leadership

Much of management is transactional; setting goals, giving feedback and achieving business objectives. A senior manager must continue to do these things whilst also being transformational. Transformational leadership is about creating and communicating a vision of “What can be”. Transformational leaders focus on people and the environment (culture) to achieve extraordinary results.

People Leadership

Senior Managers realise that they can’t get the job done without hiring, retaining and developing the right people. As a manager this is often handed off to HR but critical skills include coaching and mentoring as well as a deep understanding of what drives people and how to motivate them. Effective leaders know how to “read” people and use this skill to positively influence outcomes.

Creating a Positive Performing Culture

We are strongly influenced by our environment and the people around us, it is therefore critical that the Senior Leader understands how to create a positive performing culture. Cultures can be subtle or obvious but we usually know what counts for success in any situation. By purposefully acknowledging and validating the behaviours that count, the senior manager can create high performing teams and an environment where people want to work and exercise Self-leadership.

Obviously these ideas are just a broad overview, if you would like to take a deeper dive, why not contact Self Leadership International or attend our program in Singapore on May 24-25, 2012.

Mark Liew, Trainer and Coach at Self Leadership International, will be conducting a Coaching and Mentoring for Talent Management program in Singapore on May 17, 2012.

When you have developed your people where they are motivated to increase the value of the team and organization by taking on additional delegated tasks, then they are ready for the next level of development. In retaining and developing your top performers, a manager must recognize when coaching and mentoring are the right tools for the next steps with their right people.

In knowing the strengths of your team members, their work behavior, and communication style, you can then engage your staff in creating an actionable plan for their performance goals, discover their approach to increase their effective results, and help them deliver on standards.

In this program, you’ll recognize the opportunities to put on the coaching or mentoring hats for your staff in order to serve the organizational needs. You’ll also discover the importance of serving these roles for your team members, and how they relate to keeping and growing  the right talent.

You’ll also be introduced to the tool of performance coaching for managers, where asking the right questions can facilitate co-creating a plan, finding the internal drive behind the plan, and reinforcing the approach in actualizing the outcome.

Learn how to set up a mentoring relationship by communicating the expectations of and value created for each party. Understand the process and context of the mentoring relationship, and how to effectively navigate from the beginning to the end of the process.

This program helps you take your leadership to the next level by a practical hands-on approach to helping your team members develop their professional skills and maintaining their talent within your organization.

Self Leadership International workshops help you specifically bridge the tools to apply to your particular scenarios, so you are empowered with the guided steps on how to increase your effectiveness as a leader and manager of your team.

Email or call us to enroll or enquire about more information on how you can retain and grow your talent with coaching and mentoring.

This promises to be a fun and interactive session where I will be sharing how to:

• Build your personal brand
• Identify your bosses’ ‘currencies’
• Communicate on your boss’ wavelength
• Get free coaching from your boss
• Be proactive and anticipate your boss’ needs
• Get your ideas heard
• Get a promotion or a raise

Tickets are just $228 if you book before Feb 17th and $288 after that. Contact Azimah at our office to make a booking. Whether you are a junior or a senior executive can you afford to miss this?

In Summary this is what I shared:

• Communication is about creating shared meaning and understanding
• Be mindful  of how your message will be received understood, and adapt accordingly
• Always check if your communication is received and understood
• Listen for how the other person feels about the information (emotional response)
• Aim to create dialogue. Try saying”do you mind if I ask you a question?
• Discover what’s important to them. Ask, “what’s important to you about this?”
• Summarise the conversation to confirm understanding
• Suspend your own mental maps to avoid missing out on the other person’s perspective
• Be ok with silence – the other person is probably processing what you said.

What I didn’t say in the interview which is very important, is that you must get the other parties attention first. An obvious tip but one that is often missed.