Self Leadership Coaching Blog » Personal Development

Make 2010 a Positive Year

Andrew Bryant, CSP — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 02:06:59 +0000

2009 could be associated with many negative emotion; fear, anxiety, uncertainty, regret etc. This is not all bad because emotions have ‘motivational consequences’. If we view our emotions as a feedback system, we can use the information to change our behaviours or make better choices.

Positive Emotions

My opening paragraph is unlikely to be a surprise because there has been copious research into so called ‘negative’ emotions, in fact studies into negative emotions outnumbers those on positive emotions by 25 to 1!

What has been revealed is that negative emotions, narrow our focus and actions but feeling good broadens our interests and helps us build our capablilities. Positive emotions make us more curious and interested and therefore more likely to try new activities and develop new skills. Postive emotions have been shown to make people more creative and better problem solvers and therefore an essential ingredient for innovation.

Benefits of Positive Emotion

A 2005 article by Lyubomirsky, King and Diener in Psychological Bulletin listed the proven benefits of positive emotion. I have summarised them here for you to consider your outlook for 2010.

At Work

Being positive is associate with:

Higher salaries
Better supervisor evaluations
Better customer evaluations
Less absenteeism
Less employee turnover
Better organizational behavior
Better relationship with colleagues

Health and Social

Positive people are less likely than negative people to develop a cold, and when they did the symptoms were far less severe.
Positivity linked to less pain, physical symptoms, fewer hospital visits.
Good relationships associated with better health and mental health.
Happiest 10% are more sociable, have stronger friendships, and romantic relationships.
Positive people volunteer more and are more willing to help others.
Positive people are more extroverted and are less selfish.

The list speaks for itself and I know having had a few days off at Christmas, spending time with family and exercising has increased my positivity. Speaking to friends and colleagues all have mentioned a more positive and optimistic outlook for 2010 and so I for one will be making ‘being more positive’ a goal for next year – how about you?

The Fifth Discipline and Self-Actualization Psychology

L. Michael Hall, Ph.D. — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 07:22:40 +0000

In 1990 Peter Senge published a book that has become a classic, a book that most people in leadership and management roles in business, most who consult or coach within organizations, and those who seek to stay on the cutting edge of business have read. I’m speaking, of course, about the book The Fifth Discipline. The theme and central focus of this book is on learning to think and work systemically.

Senge was convinced that the key to business success rested in five disciplines, which when synergized by leaders and managers, will launch an organization or business into a creative mode and take it to a whole new level of effectiveness. Like the five critical component technologies that came together in 1935 for the McDonnell Douglas DC-3 and which ushered in the era of commercial air travel— Senge argued that the five components he discovered would create great companies.

What are those five components? Systems thinking, personal mastery, mental models, building shared vision, and team learning. Together “each provides a vital dimension in building organizations that can truly ‘learn,’ that can continually enhance their capacity to realize their highest aspirations” (p. 6). Then unlike most contemporary organizations that are reactive, companies can become responsive or even generative.

Senge focuses on enabling companies to become “learning organizations.” He writes about organizations going beyond the old traditional hierarchical structures to an enlivening vision, people collaborating and experiencing team learning, a whole new level of openness, and leadership that evolves beyond being politically power oriented. Now does that sound like self-actualization or the self-actualizing leaders and companies that I describe in Unleashing Leadership? That’s what I also thought! The Fifth Discipline is about self-actualization in organizations.

Yet because Senge did not use the term self-actualization or frame things in terms of moving beyond Theory X to Theory Y of management, I did not make the connection. In spite of not using the language, throughout the work the vision and premises of self-actualization psychology informs his argument for the emergence of a whole new kind of organization— self-actualizing organizations.

In fact, for Senge “systems thinking” and “personal mastery” are two of his expressions for self-actualization. What I suddenly now realize in re-reading The Fifth Discipline is that “personal mastery” in this model is what we call “self-actualization” in Maslow’s model! Here’s my evidence.

Senge described “personal mastery” as a high level of proficiency in an area that deeply matters to you. And to develop that level of mastery, you need to do two things: 1) Clarify what’s truly important to you and 2) See current reality more clearly. (p. 141). Senge says that personal mastery goes beyond competence.

“It goes beyond spiritual unfolding or opening, although it requires spiritual growth. It means approaching one’s life as a creative work, living life from a creative as opposed to reactive viewpoint.” (p. 141)

In an amazing paragraph where he described people of personal mastery, Senge’s description sounds very, very similar to how Maslow described self-actualizing people.

“People with a high level of personal mastery share several basic characteristics. They have a special sense of purpose that lies behind their visions and goals. For such a person, a vision is a calling rather than simply a good idea. They see ‘current reality’ as an ally, not an enemy. They have learned how to perceive and work with forces of change rather than resist those forces. They are deeply inquisitive, committed to continuing seeing reality more and more accurately. They feel connected to others and to life itself. Yet they sacrifice none of their uniqueness. They feel as if they are part of a larger creative process, which they can influence but cannot unilaterally control.

“People with a high level of personal mastery live in a continual learning mode. They never ‘arrive.’ … Personal mastery is not something you possess. It is a process. It is a lifelong discipline. People with a high level of personal mastery are acutely aware of their ignorance, their incompetence, their growth areas.” (p. 142)

“People with high levels of personal mastery are more committed. They take more initiative. They have a broader and deeper sense of responsibility in their work. They learn faster. For all these reasons, a great many organizations espouse a commitment to fostering personal growth among their employees because they believe it will make the organization stronger.” (p. 143)

And systems thinking? Senge describes this as “contemplating the whole as a pattern,” being able to see the unity of snapshots of isolated parts and how they work together. He describes the building blocks of systems thinking as feedback loops and delays in the system and from there the recognition of patterns that arise that indicate specific kinds of systems (archetypes).

When we apply systems thinking to human beings, we recognize that our experiences are made up of multiple systems—our mind-body system, our meaning-making system, our neuro-semantic system. And within these systems are reinforcing processes, limiting processes, balancing (stabilizing) processes. And as in a business or political system, we also experience problems at various levels. Some of our problems are mere symptoms of the system rather than the fundamental causes. That’s why the symptoms keep resurfacing over time. That’s why “solutions” which work at one level or for the short-term, never actually takes care of the real problem.

So what do we discover when we “contemplate the whole” and look for patterns in human beings? We discover that there is within us an inner drive to self-actualize and that this is itself our most fundamental inner dynamic system. This is our primary system for growing, developing, and actualizing our highest meanings and performances. And Self-Actualization Psychology is the psychology that describes this whole.

Learning to Walk the Talk

Radu Palamariu — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 13:09:54 +0000

It is more than a year ago that I walked through the door of the Self Leadership International office for the first time. I was a young graduate of psychology, coming all the way from Romania to learn about training and leadership development in Singapore; with very little idea of what my internship will bring about.

Now, one year later, I can whole heartedly say that it was the greatest learning experience of my life.

Not only did I learn tremendously in the area of leadership development, but even more importantly I developed myself imensely on a personal level. I can’t possibly name all the things I learnt, as it would be a post too long for anyone to read…but I do want to share with you three of the most important ones:

1. The importance of open and honest communication

A lot of companies actually have this somewhere in their guidelines, but in the Self Leadership office this was indeed a ground rule. And it was great to realize how saying things openly and directly can make so much of a difference in my working relationships, in the way I related to my colleagues and in the overall atmosphere in the office.

It also leads to no politics, as everybody knows pretty much everything and there is no need to hide anything. Plus, the most powerful breakthrough for me was to start saying what I thought, even if I was afraid. I especially refer to giving negative feedback or to stating opinions contrary to the others.

Self Leadership and Choice

Andrew Bryant, CSP — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 00:55:15 +0000

As a continuation of my previous blog post Permission to Succeed I wanted to share the story of a coaching client who was allowing a number of people, some no longer living, to control what he was or was not allowed to do. This man in his late 30’s did not have full permission to think for himself, to really choose the life he wanted. The anxiety this caused was seriously impeding his success.

With self leadership coaching he came to the powerful realisation that it his ‘Mind’ his ‘Choices’ and his ‘Life’.

If, like my client, you are lacking ‘permission’ by taking ownership and responsibility of your mind, your choices an your life puts you in the drivers seat and enables you to create the personal or business success you want.

Confirmation of this power to choose is the theme of the final part of The Matrix movie trilogy. The character Neo is able to triumph over Agent Smith when, after prompting from The Oracle, he re-discovers his power of choice.

Is there an area in your life or career that you have been saying “I have no choice”? I wonder what would happen if you were to take responsibility and say; “My mind, my choice, my life!”

My coaching client did take control and left a low paying, menial job and started traveling; he settled in Vietnam where he started a business and met the love of his life.

If you would like coaching to assist you achieve this positive and powerful choice then connect to a coach or attend one of our self leadership programs.

Permission to Succeed

Andrew Bryant, CSP — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 00:31:08 +0000

Recently I presented a workshop on success principles and what was interesting was that many of the participants struggled with the concept that they did not need permission from anyone to feel good about themselves or to be successful. One lady that I coached in front of the group was struggling with receiving money for the services she offered even though ‘intellectually’ she recognised the value she offered but ‘emotionally’ she felt she did not have permission to be paid. “Just do it” is the Nike creed; “build it and they will come” says the Kevin Costner character in Field of Dreams. Whilst these maxims may seem selfish or gung-ho, they do reveal the power of self-belief and intentionality. When we believe in ourselves and set an intention to do something, we become an ‘attractor’ and draw to ourselves the people and resources we need to complete the project. Will it be easy? Unlikely, nothing worthwhile is usually easy. Will it be rewarding and satisfying? Absolutely!What will certainly stop you in your tracks is the lack permission or the opposite of permission – a taboo. There are external permissions that are imposed on us by our governments, such as you do not have permission to exceed the speed limit; you can but if caught you will be fined or even jailed. Most permissions and taboos, however, are frames of mind – unconsciously adopted from our families’ teachers and culture.

Do you have permission to take risks?
Do you have permission to speak your mind?
Do you have permission to say “No”? Or do you feel that you can’t say “No” to others even if the request imposes on your own personal boundaries?

The list could go on for several pages but I think you get the idea, you can choose who you want to be and what you want to do without breaking any universal, moral or government laws. To be successful you must first step back and realise – No permission is required.

“Isn’t this approach selfish?” I am often asked by students and clients, my answer is definitely “no” but this issue is more eloquently answered by Marianne Williamson in her book ‘A Return to Love’:

“There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you… your playing small does not serve the world… as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I was recently asked, “Shouldn’t we find out what others think first?” Whilst at Self Leadership International we teach the art of feedback, you must be careful – if you solicit opinions from the wrong people you’re likely to reach the wrong conclusions – remember that the personal computer didn’t research very well in the 1970s and Richard Branson was told that the airline business was saturated.

So my question to you in this blog is “What is it that you want to do but are not doing because you are waiting for permission?”

Finding the Humor in Life

Andrew Bryant, CSP — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 07:44:59 +0000

With the current economic downturn it is easy to be sad and serious and much harder to be lighthearted and fun – or is it?

Humor is a great stress reliever with many positive health benefits and importantly in this current climate it causes us to step back and get a new perspective.

Allow me to share with you what a fun week I have had with the intention of inspiring you to have a little laugh…

On Tuesday night I performed 8 minutes of stand-up comedy; this had been on my bucket list for years as I had heard that stand-up is a real test of skill. The aim of stand-up is to get six laughs a minute which is a hell of an achievement with a group of strangers. I didn’t get 6 laughs a minute but I did get the crowd to laugh as you can see and hear on this YouTube Video.

The unexpected bonus I had from doing stand-up comedy is that I am now seeing funny things in many more places; at work, in the street, in my relationships, everywhere! And the benefit of this is that I feel better at work and my relationships have improved noticeably.

Today we took our staff to lunch as one team member is leaving and another is having a birthday. We had a delicious lunch and with huge servings of laughter; we laughed at so many things and I think that we significantly improved the morale of the team.

One of our associates laughs for up to 5 minutes every morning as part of his preparation for the day – he says it raises his engergy better than a double shot latte. So as you read this just take stock of how much you have laughed this week? Do you need to hire some funny videos or go to a stand up comedy club yourself?

Here’s wishing you fun, lightness and laughter in the days ahead.

Learning to Learn, from Unconscious to Conscious

Andrew Bryant, CSP — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 09:20:10 +0000

I believe that to survive and prosper we need to learn faster and to teach better.

Did you know that your learning follows a path? Firstly you don’t know what your don’t know, which is a state I like to call “blissful ignorance.” On the learning path this is known as unconscious incompetence.

When you learn about something new you first enter a stage of knowing what you don’t know or can’t yet do; this is known as conscious incompetence. This stage can be uncomfortable for adult learners as they feel awkward and self-conscious as they start practicing the skill. Many people have given up at this stage, think of those guitar lessons or yoga classes that you so eagerly signed up for. If the goal is important enough we push through the discomfort of not knowing and move to the next level, if you have learned to drive a car or use a piece of new software you know what I mean.

With practice comes conscious competence – you know how to do the skill although you might still need to pay some attention to the task. Think about when you just passed your driving test or learned how to ride a bike – you could do it but you were still a bit wobbly.

The next stage is unconscious competence where you can complete the task automatically. If you can touch type your fingers know where the ‘Z’ key is without you even thinking. Unfortunately many people drive this way as they talk on their mobile phones and eat fast food whilst navigating the roads! Most people stop learning at this level as the amount of practice to achieve the next level of mastery does not seem worth the effort.

Finally there is consciousness of your unconscious competence – this is a high level of awareness of what you know and how you know it. At this level of learning the master of his or her craft seeks to find the fine distinctions that take knowledge or skills to new levels or into new contexts. Many of us have experienced a teacher who knew thier subject (unconsious competence) but could not really teach it because they lacked a high level of awareness of how they do what they do.

To be an effective leader, teacher, coach or mentor we must understand the learning path and help our staff or students navigate it. We must remember the challenges we had in learning and share how we overcame these obstacles. It is too easy to become frustrated when it takes someone a while to get what we think is easy but we have usually forgotten to help them learn rather than just telling them.

Most importantly if you are stuck at conscious incompetence – ask for help, find a coach or someone who has mastered this before and ask them how they learned to learn the skill.

How are you tomorrow?

Andrew Bryant, CSP — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 13:32:28 +0000

I am currently in the land of smiles (Thailand) teaching a leadership development program for a pharmaceutical company. At the end of the first day I wandered out of my hotel looking to stretch my legs and get something to eat. I chose a restaurant with al fresco dining so that I could watch the world go by.

The waitress arrived, and after taking my order ventured to practice her English by asking, “how are you tomorrow?” I smiled and chuckled and said that I intended to have a really good day tomorrow and that I was also having a good day today.

Her accidental phrase left me thinking because I had just spent most of the day teaching a group of senior managers that they were in control of their thoughts and feelings; in this context how are you tomorrow is not such as silly question.

As I have explained in previous blog posts, self leadership requires self confidence but it also requires self-determination. Self-determination is the free choice to determine one’s behaviours and therefore influence our own destiny. How are we tomorrow will in part be due to what we do today.

Self determination is also defined as the freedom of the people of a given territory to determine their own political status. With the current situation in Iran we see a people passionately attempting to self determine their tomorrow. This situation is a powerful reminder that if we currently enjoy the freedom to exercise our own choice to live and create our own tomorrows we should be truly grateful. Even with the current economic changes we can still take action today to make sure tomorrow is a better one.

Here is wishing you a happy, healthy and prosperous tomorrow.

Why “should” makes you ANGRY

Andrew Bryant, CSP — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 08:55:59 +0000

Should is a signpost to our mental maps. When you say, “I should do this or I shouldn’t do that”, you are telling yourself and those who are listening about your personal ‘rules of behaviour’.

What is more interesting however are the ‘unsaid shoulds’. When we get angry or upset it is most probably because somebody else has not complied with our ‘shoulds‘ or ‘shouldn’ts‘.

For example; if somebody pushes in front of you in a queue, do you feel angry? You do? Well that is because you (and me for that matter) believe that they shouldn’t push in.

Customer service is all about anticipating the expectation of should and shouldn’t. Last weekend I was taking my wife and children to see Barney (the pink dinosaur who dances!) at the Singapore Expo. Well firstly the car park was a nightmare, not enough spaces and people parking illegally and blocking traffic. I could feel my stress levels rising as I knew I should get the kids to the show on time and that the expo SHOULD have provided enough parking.

I chose to drop my family at the entrance and go and find another car park, so after jogging back to the venue I was just in time for the show to start. My wife asked me to find two seat boosters for the kids and so I hurriedly set off in search of these only to be told by expo staff that they had run out of boosters and that I SHOULD have been there earlier!
Now I am not proud of my response to this situation because I raised my voice and told the girl that I had paid for the most expensive seats to see the damn dinosaur and I damn well think they SHOULD provide enough boosters! In defense of the Singapore Expo or the organisers of Barney and Friends we were recompensed with two buckets of popcorn but it is another example of reacting to a ‘should’.

I have just stayed at an excellent hotel (The Grand Millennium Bangkok, Thailand) where my every need was anticipated. On check-in I was asked, “Should I need a wake up call and should I need a car to take me to the airport.” This hotel continued to impress me and I was reminded of how wonderful life is when the world meets or exceeds your mental maps.

The reason I was in Bangkok was to conduct a 3-day leadership program for senior managers and during that training I emphasised using the phrase, “what’s important to you about that?” This question uncovers a person’s values including their – ‘shoulds’. Knowing your own and other people’s mental map results in effective communication reduced conflict and increased influence.

So shouldn’t you get better at your shoulds?

Self Confidence for Success

Andrew Bryant, CSP — Wed, 27 May 2009 01:39:09 +0000

“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt. ”
- William Shakespeare, “Measure for Measure”, Act 1 scene 4

Self Confidence is a critical skill for success and as an executive coach I often encounter people who sabotage their success by lack of confidence.

I think it is helpful to realise that confidence is not the belief that everything will turn out well; confidence is an acceptance of the consequences of any situation no matter whether they are good or bad and the belief that you can deal with them.

The self confident individual does not dwell on negative consequences because they don’t fear failure but see it as feedback for further improvement.

With self confidence as part of your self leadership you will not worry what others think of you but focus on the adjustment you need to make to your communication or behaviour to achieve your outcomes.

Using feedback to improve performance is likely to create positive results which in turn reinforce self confidence creating the belief that you will succeed again.

Self confidence should not be mistaken for over confidence or arrogance; such people do not have the self awareness to learn from feedback and have no concern for the input of others or how their actions affect others.

So the frames of mind that create self confidence are:

Belief in your ability to learn
There is no failure only feedback and feedback is just information for improvement
Flexibility to do or say it in a different way
Resilience to set-backs
Persistence to see it through

Do you need to increase your self confidence today?

Self Leadership Coaching Blog » Personal Development

Make 2010 a Positive Year

Positive Emotions

Benefits of Positive Emotion

At Work

Health and Social

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The Fifth Discipline and Self-Actualization Psychology

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Learning to Walk the Talk

1. The importance of open and honest communication

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Self Leadership and Choice

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Permission to Succeed

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Finding the Humor in Life

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Learning to Learn, from Unconscious to Conscious

I believe that to survive and prosper we need to learn faster and to teach better.

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How are you tomorrow?

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Why “should” makes you ANGRY

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Self Confidence for Success

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