It is more than a year ago that I walked through the door of the Self Leadership International office for the first time. I was a young graduate of psychology, coming all the way from Romania to learn about training and leadership development in Singapore; with very little idea of what my internship will bring about.
Now, one year later, I can whole heartedly say that it was the greatest learning experience of my life.
As a continuation of my previous blog post Permission to Succeed I wanted to share the story of a coaching client who was allowing a number of people, some no longer living, to control what he was or was not allowed to do. This man in his late 30’s did not have full permission to think for himself, to really choose the life he wanted. The anxiety this caused was seriously impeding his success.
With self leadership coaching he came to the powerful realisation that it his ‘Mind’ his ‘Choices’ and his ‘Life’.
If, like my client, you are lacking ‘permission’ by taking ownership and responsibility of your mind, your choices an your life puts you in the drivers seat and enables you to create the personal or business success you want.
Confirmation of this power to choose is the theme of the final part of The Matrix movie trilogy. The character Neo is able to triumph over Agent Smith when, after prompting from The Oracle, he re-discovers his power of choice.
Is there an area in your life or career that you have been saying “I have no choice”? I wonder what would happen if you were to take responsibility and say; “My mind, my choice, my life!”
My coaching client did take control and left a low paying, menial job and started traveling; he settled in Vietnam where he started a business and met the love of his life.
If you would like coaching to assist you achieve this positive and powerful choice then connect to a coach or attend one of our self leadership programs.
Recently I presented a workshop on success principles and what was interesting was that many of the participants struggled with the concept that they did not need permission from anyone to feel good about themselves or to be successful. One lady that I coached in front of the group was struggling with receiving money for the services she offered even though ‘intellectually’ she recognised the value she offered but ‘emotionally’ she felt she did not have permission to be paid. “Just do it” is the Nike creed; “build it and they will come” says the Kevin Costner character in Field of Dreams. Whilst these maxims may seem selfish or gung-ho, they do reveal the power of self-belief and intentionality. When we believe in ourselves and set an intention to do something, we become an ‘attractor’ and draw to ourselves the people and resources we need to complete the project. Will it be easy? Unlikely, nothing worthwhile is usually easy. Will it be rewarding and satisfying? Absolutely! Continue Reading »
With the current economic downturn it is easy to be sad and serious and much harder to be lighthearted and fun – or is it?
Humor is a great stress reliever with many positive health benefits and importantly in this current climate it causes us to step back and get a new perspective.
Allow me to share with you what a fun week I have had with the intention of inspiring you to have a little laugh…
On Tuesday night I performed 8 minutes of stand-up comedy; this had been on my bucket list for years as I had heard that stand-up is a real test of skill. The aim of stand-up is to get six laughs a minute which is a hell of an achievement with a group of strangers. I didn’t get 6 laughs a minute but I did get the crowd to laugh as you can see and hear on this YouTube Video. Continue Reading »
Did you know that your learning follows a path? Firstly you don’t know what your don’t know, which is a state I like to call “blissful ignorance.” On the learning path this is known as unconscious incompetence. Continue Reading »
I am currently in the land of smiles (Thailand) teaching a leadership development program for a pharmaceutical company. At the end of the first day I wandered out of my hotel looking to stretch my legs and get something to eat. I chose a restaurant with al fresco dining so that I could watch the world go by.
The waitress arrived, and after taking my order ventured to practice her English by asking, “how are you tomorrow?” I smiled and chuckled and said that I intended to have a really good day tomorrow and that I was also having a good day today. Continue Reading »
Should is a signpost to our mental maps. When you say, “I should do this or I shouldn’t do that”, you are telling yourself and those who are listening about your personal ‘rules of behaviour’.
What is more interesting however are the ‘unsaid shoulds’. When we get angry or upset it is most probably because somebody else has not complied with our ‘shoulds‘ or ‘shouldn’ts‘.
For example; if somebody pushes in front of you in a queue, do you feel angry? You do? Well that is because you (and me for that matter) believe that they shouldn’t push in.
Customer service is all about anticipating the expectation of should and shouldn’t. Last weekend I was taking my wife and children to see Barney (the pink dinosaur who dances!) at the Singapore Expo. Well firstly the car park was a nightmare, not enough spaces and people parking illegally and blocking traffic. I could feel my stress levels rising as I knew I should get the kids to the show on time and that the expo SHOULD have provided enough parking.
I chose to drop my family at the entrance and go and find another car park, so after jogging back to the venue I was just in time for the show to start. My wife asked me to find two seat boosters for the kids and so I hurriedly set off in search of these only to be told by expo staff that they had run out of boosters and that I SHOULD have been there earlier!
Now I am not proud of my response to this situation because I raised my voice and told the girl that I had paid for the most expensive seats to see the damn dinosaur and I damn well think they SHOULD provide enough boosters! In defense of the Singapore Expo or the organisers of Barney and Friends we were recompensed with two buckets of popcorn but it is another example of reacting to a ‘should’.
I have just stayed at an excellent hotel (The Grand Millennium Bangkok, Thailand) where my every need was anticipated. On check-in I was asked, “Should I need a wake up call and should I need a car to take me to the airport.” This hotel continued to impress me and I was reminded of how wonderful life is when the world meets or exceeds your mental maps.
The reason I was in Bangkok was to conduct a 3-day leadership program for senior managers and during that training I emphasised using the phrase, “what’s important to you about that?” This question uncovers a person’s values including their – ‘shoulds’. Knowing your own and other people’s mental map results in effective communication reduced conflict and increased influence.
So shouldn’t you get better at your shoulds?
“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt. ”
- William Shakespeare, “Measure for Measure”, Act 1 scene 4
Self Confidence is a critical skill for success and as an executive coach I often encounter people who sabotage their success by lack of confidence.
I think it is helpful to realise that confidence is not the belief that everything will turn out well; confidence is an acceptance of the consequences of any situation no matter whether they are good or bad and the belief that you can deal with them.
The self confident individual does not dwell on negative consequences because they don’t fear failure but see it as feedback for further improvement.
With self confidence as part of your self leadership you will not worry what others think of you but focus on the adjustment you need to make to your communication or behaviour to achieve your outcomes.
Using feedback to improve performance is likely to create positive results which in turn reinforce self confidence creating the belief that you will succeed again.
Self confidence should not be mistaken for over confidence or arrogance; such people do not have the self awareness to learn from feedback and have no concern for the input of others or how their actions affect others.
So the frames of mind that create self confidence are:
Do you need to increase your self confidence today?
My blog today is inspired by my wife Zurina Bryant.
At our self leadership programs we emphasise the importance of turning ideas into action or closing the ‘knowing-doing’ gap. Zurina is the embodiment of this principle and once again she has demonstrated her commitment to transform thoughts into reality.
Zurina loves taking photographs and one year ago decided that she would like to make her passion a career – not a new concept but the difference is how she executed this idea. In April 2009 she charged for her first professional shoot, today (12 months later) she is a busy photographer and is having her first gallery exhibition, ‘Shades of Pink’. Continue Reading »
In a previous post I talked about surviving the recession by developing yourself and to be congruent I have coached myself to do the same.
As I write this blog I have a sense of relief and excitement as a package has just left my hands in Singapore, and headed to Australia via the post office. The package contains evidence of my professional development for accreditation by the International Federation for Professional Speakers (IFFPS). The accreditation of Certified Professional Speaker (CPS), should I be successful, will in some way validate the work I have done as a professional speaker in the last 10 years – But most importantly the process of accreditation forced me to look at my competencies and business practices and make sure they were of the highest standard. Continue Reading »