Did you know that your learning follows a path? Firstly you don’t know what your don’t know, which is a state I like to call “blissful ignorance.” On the learning path this is known as unconscious incompetence. Continue Reading »
This blog post is prompted by a conversation I had last week with someone who had just learned the hard way that not doing the right thing costs on the inside even when it doesn’t cost on the outside.
The dictionary definition of integrity describes it as having a consistency of actions, values and principles. I like to describe integrity as, “doing the right thing even when no one is looking”.
So how does not being consistent with your actions cost you? Continue Reading »
“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt. ”
- William Shakespeare, “Measure for Measure”, Act 1 scene 4
Self Confidence is a critical skill for success and as an executive coach I often encounter people who sabotage their success by lack of confidence.
I think it is helpful to realise that confidence is not the belief that everything will turn out well; confidence is an acceptance of the consequences of any situation no matter whether they are good or bad and the belief that you can deal with them.
The self confident individual does not dwell on negative consequences because they don’t fear failure but see it as feedback for further improvement.
With self confidence as part of your self leadership you will not worry what others think of you but focus on the adjustment you need to make to your communication or behaviour to achieve your outcomes.
Using feedback to improve performance is likely to create positive results which in turn reinforce self confidence creating the belief that you will succeed again.
Self confidence should not be mistaken for over confidence or arrogance; such people do not have the self awareness to learn from feedback and have no concern for the input of others or how their actions affect others.
So the frames of mind that create self confidence are:
Do you need to increase your self confidence today?
When I speak about leadership at a conference or workshop, I often talk about my children, Tasha (3 1/2) and Nathan (22 months). This is for a couple of reasons, firstly and selfishly because I am a proud father, secondly because it builds rapport with the audience and thirdly and most importantly because they are good examples of leadership and influence principles. In this blog post I wanted to share 3 such leadership principles.
Every parent knows that children are great mimics, they watch you like a hawk and duplicate your behaviour. This can be amusing, as when Tasha first started painting her nails after watching my wife or Nathan picking up my tennis racket and saying, “like daddy.” The dark side of this modeling is when children mimic the aggressive behaviour of adults, which was demonstrated by Dr. Albert Bandura with the Bobo Doll experiment and is evidenced in war torn areas of the world where children carry weapons.
Adults to0 model behaviour which is why the leaders of any team or organisation must “walk the talk”, they must be the model for the behaviours they wish to see duplicated. Talk is cheap – action is real.
Both Tasha and Nathan like to clap themselves when they do something right and they both beam when Zurina and I give them praise. As a leadership consultant I know how important it is that I continue to praise even moderately good performance as research by Dr Ethna Reid shows that teachers who get the best results, validate regularly. Successful teachers also alternate between teaching and questioning (testing) for comprehension.
In leadership and management in a hectic paced world it is all too easy to criticise poor performance and to tell rather than ask. In our leadership for managers program, we emphasise and rehearse the arts of validation and asking good questions.
Children love stories and interpret our cultural moral code from those stories. Tasha knows who are the good princesses (coutesy of Disney) and who is the evil queen, Nathan is learning from Thomas the Tank Engine that when you break the rules you go off the rails, he even exclaims very loudly “oh no!” when this happens.
Effective leaders also tell stories that let their followers know what the vision and culture of the organisation is. These stories get retold and strongly influence the behaviour of the team or workforce. When I was teaching coaching skills at Singapore Airlines I noticed how they regularly used stories of exemplary customer service to validate and reinforce the behaviour of going the extra mile service (GEMS).
Perhaps you have other Leadership Principles you have learned from children – feel free to share.
A critical skill of self leadership is the ability to motivate yourself to do what is necessary for your success.
Motivation provides the energy and emotion for us to take action, but did you know that motivation has two directions?
Effective motivation occurs when we are mobilised to move away from what we don’t want and are strongly drawn to what we do want. Motivation is like a rocket with a strong propulsion system to escape gravity and a guidance system to direct it to the target. Continue Reading »
Quick pop quiz: In the last 48 hours have you experienced significant levels of frustration, fatigue, muscle tension, irritability, anger, cynicism, negativity or a feeling of being out of control?
All of these are signs of STRESS.
Success in today’s fast-paced and ever-changing environment requires the ability to effectively manage our own stress in the face of an increasing number of stressors. Continue Reading »
I am writing this post on a rush hour train. I am in Sydney, Australia at the moment doing some work for a client, and am taking a 30 minutes commute.
As I engage in one of my favourite past times (people watching), I notice how different passengers handle the compression of their personal space. Continue Reading »
Every executive knows that they must have a vision and mission statement but in times of crisis these important documents can be forgotten.
It is a bit like if you were in a boat and have set your course, but the boat springs a leak and you spend your whole time bailing water and have no time to steer.
William Bridges created a model of change and transition that is highly relevant in today’s financial readjustment. Continue Reading »
Have you ever been in the position where you have said, “on the one hand I want to do this but on the other hand I want to do that”?
This is commonly called being in two minds. You might be in two minds about your career, your work/home balance, a business decision or a romantic commitment. Being in two minds is certainly not a productive or even comfortable state to be in, nor is it demonstrating self leadership.
We do not in fact have two minds, but one mind that has two functions; conscious attention and unconscious processing. When we are torn between two choices, it often means that we cannot consciously process a conflict that exists in the unconscious functions of our mind. Continue Reading »
Do you sometimes feel frustrated when someone is clearly doing something that dis-empowers them? Or do you often feel hurt by what others do?
If the answer is “yes” to either of these, chances are you have been feeling responsible FOR other people.
A key component of self-leadership is healthy responsibility in relationships. I am talking about relationships with; loved ones, friends, colleagues, employees, bosses, etc. Continue Reading »
