I was greeted at the company by the company’s communications manager who was to show me to the boardroom to meet the CEO. She politely asked me if she could get me anything, perhaps thinking I might need a tea or coffee. My response was, “well actually, I intend to break at about 3pm, could you possibly get me a sandwich as I am starving!” She looked somewhat surprised but at 3:00pm exactly a 12 inch Subway sandwich arrived in the boardroom.

Giving the CEO the opportunity to take a bathroom break I hungrily bit into the sandwich only to be surprised by the fact it was full of jalapeno chillies! Now I normally like spicy food, but it was the surprise that got me. At the end of the day when showing me out, I asked her whether the jalapenos were revenge for being asked to get me a sandwich, “Oh no”, she replied, “I just had it made the way I like it.”

I use this story in trainings to make the point that most often we communicate the way we like to be communicated to. If you prefer people to be direct, you will speak directly – If you prefer people to build a case you will build a case. So a common communication mistake is not considering your audience and communicating in your default or preferred style.

I provide influence training for an international bank and I find that I really need to stress the importance of a flexible approach to communication. Since the client is a bank I use the analogy that everyone has a PIN (personal identification number) that will unlock their resistance and allow you to communicate with them and, mixing my metaphors, each person broadcasts their SSID (a wireless access point identifier) to tell you how to log on to their network.

Leaders, managers, coaches and trainers need to learn to read people’s preferred communication style in order to adapt their communication in order to be understood. It may be arrogance or even stupidity to expect others to always adapt to you. There is a direct correlation between communication and productivity and so your results in work or life will depend on your ability to get a message across.

Can you learn to read people and adapt your communication to get better results? The answer is, of course “yes” So to help you get started here is a list of things to avoid:

Common Communication Mistakes

• Being directive when you want buy in
• Using “I” when you want team effort
• Using “You” when you want to resolve conflict
• Being aggressive or submissive (assertive is the alternative)
• Attempting to influence when your are unclear what you want
• Not finding out what’s important to the other party
• Using only logic without emotion
• Using only emotion without some logic
• Talking down to people
• Asking questions and not listening to the answer

So if you find yourself using any of the above or are not getting the results you want in life and business, then why not contact us to find out how to become an effective and influential communicator?

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An important realisation when working in a team is that the way you perceive and respond to the world (your personality) is NOT the “Right Way” or “The Only Way” to do things. This realisation reduces our frustration and opens us to the possibility of collaboration rather than compromise.

The team work cycle highlights the need for different personalities. Some people are better at generating ideas, some at evaluating ideas, some at making decisions and others at execution (implementation). If everyone on the team were the same, then some parts of the team work cycle would be left out.

Most team issues are due to a lack of effective communication resulting in people becoming aggressive creating conflict or becoming passive and de-motivated. The key self-leadership skill for team members is therefore ‘assertive communication.’

Communication occurs when those involve have shared meaning and understanding. Since we don’t know what something means to someone unless we ask, communication involves asking questions and getting clarification. It also means speaking up (assertive) so that others know your meanings and understandings about what and how things should be done.

Assertive team communication has been made more complex in the virtual world where we don’t have non-verbal cues and we have to factor in cultural differences in speech styles and meanings.

In my experience, what remains a constant for high performing teams is that the following things are communicated and understood by all.

1. Vision - How this work/project is important to the company and the team members.
2. Group Identity – That we are all on the same team and all benefit from the success of the work.
3. Role Clarity – That we each have a role to play and that role is clearly defined.
4. Trust - We are all different but we can trust each other to do the work to the best of our abilities.
5. Recognition - Each of us will do our best for the team and appreciate others for doing the same.
6. Communication - We will both listen to others and speak up as appropriate so that everyone shares an understanding of what is possible at each stage of the work cycle.
7. Celebration - We will celebrate together with each milestone we reach.

How does your team measure up? What can you do to make sure these things are communicated?

Have a good day at work :0

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