I was greeted at the company by the company’s communications manager who was to show me to the boardroom to meet the CEO. She politely asked me if she could get me anything, perhaps thinking I might need a tea or coffee. My response was, “well actually, I intend to break at about 3pm, could you possibly get me a sandwich as I am starving!” She looked somewhat surprised but at 3:00pm exactly a 12 inch Subway sandwich arrived in the boardroom.

Giving the CEO the opportunity to take a bathroom break I hungrily bit into the sandwich only to be surprised by the fact it was full of jalapeno chillies! Now I normally like spicy food, but it was the surprise that got me. At the end of the day when showing me out, I asked her whether the jalapenos were revenge for being asked to get me a sandwich, “Oh no”, she replied, “I just had it made the way I like it.”

I use this story in trainings to make the point that most often we communicate the way we like to be communicated to. If you prefer people to be direct, you will speak directly – If you prefer people to build a case you will build a case. So a common communication mistake is not considering your audience and communicating in your default or preferred style.

I provide influence training for an international bank and I find that I really need to stress the importance of a flexible approach to communication. Since the client is a bank I use the analogy that everyone has a PIN (personal identification number) that will unlock their resistance and allow you to communicate with them and, mixing my metaphors, each person broadcasts their SSID (a wireless access point identifier) to tell you how to log on to their network.

Leaders, managers, coaches and trainers need to learn to read people’s preferred communication style in order to adapt their communication in order to be understood. It may be arrogance or even stupidity to expect others to always adapt to you. There is a direct correlation between communication and productivity and so your results in work or life will depend on your ability to get a message across.

Can you learn to read people and adapt your communication to get better results? The answer is, of course “yes” So to help you get started here is a list of things to avoid:

Common Communication Mistakes

• Being directive when you want buy in
• Using “I” when you want team effort
• Using “You” when you want to resolve conflict
• Being aggressive or submissive (assertive is the alternative)
• Attempting to influence when your are unclear what you want
• Not finding out what’s important to the other party
• Using only logic without emotion
• Using only emotion without some logic
• Talking down to people
• Asking questions and not listening to the answer

So if you find yourself using any of the above or are not getting the results you want in life and business, then why not contact us to find out how to become an effective and influential communicator?

It would be naive to not consider how your character is portrayed on the web because your client’s and competitors will certainly check you out. Websites such as Linked In are excellent for a business profile and Facebook can be powerful means of connecting if used with caution.

I recommend an excellently balanced article titled ’5 Reasons to Care About Your Online Presence, and 3 to Forget About It.’

Guard your character because once lost it is almost impossible to regain.

The Singapore Ministry of Manpower states (Sept 2008) that whilst most CEO’s in Singapore expressed a willingness to develop the next generation of leaders, very few of them are proactive and strategic in doing so.

This NATO (no action talk only) will result in Singaporean managers being unable to cope with the dynamic state of today’s marketplace and workforce.

For Leadership development in Singapore, what is sadly lacking are the culture and skills of mentoring and coaching. Senior leaders in Singapore are, by upbringing,either traditionalists or baby boomers and their values differ markedly from the Gen X and Gen Y managers who need developing. The former usually value ‘a job well done’ and the the ‘trappings of success’, whereas the latter are hungry for meaningful work and are very open to coaching and mentoring as they value personal development.

A Gallup study showed that whilst most CEO’s ‘mentored’ by taking employees to lunch, very few had any formal mentoring programs in place. It is my experience, having worked with many Singapore companies, that most current leaders, whilst tactically very proficient, have received little or no coaching or mentoring training.

Leaders are ‘made not born‘ and most develop their leadership during adverse work situations – just like what is happening now! Unfortunately a number of organisations are currently cutting their leadership development budgets rather than focusing on what will make the difference in the long-term.

What do you think? Please comment.

BTW: I shall be speaking on this very issue at the Global HR Leadership Congress 2009

(Copyright Andrew Bryant – No reproduction without permission, thank you )