If this is your first time visiting Self Leadership Coaching blog then I suggest you use the search button and look for topics of interest to you. You will find many posts on; leadership, management, coaching, presentation skills, communication and influence.

We welcome your comments and will post them even if they disagree with the post, so feel free to start a discussion. Most of the information posted has come from my experience as a leadership consultant and executive coach, working in Australia, Singapore and across SE Asia and as a life-long learner I am always looking for new ideas and best practice.

Please enjoy – and Learn

In April 2010, I was asked to speak at the Singapore Leadership Conference on Leadership and Influence.

After my presentation I was interviewed by Dee Allen of Red Mars. You can see a few minutes of the interview and speech in this YouTube video.

If you would like to know more about the Circle of Influence, read about it here.

When I teach a programs on influence or influence without authority, I ask participants to create a circle of influence like the diagram below.

I then ask them to put ticks or crosses, representing ability or inability to influence, against each circle.  Obviously some circles will need sub-circles to represent individual key people. This is a useful exercise to map out where you need to develop or strengthen your influence.

In a modern matix style organisation, your success will be determined not just by what you do, but by what you can influence others to do. The effective manager/leader learns to find out what is important to the people in their circle of influence and communicates to them in terms of what matters them rather than directly stating their own needs.

Another previous post, titled ‘Leadeship is Influence’ expands on finding needs and looks at what are people’s currencies. When you know what is valuable, a currency, to another person you can trade them what they want for what you want.

I have been coaching a senior manager who had a history of antagonising clients and colleagues alike by telling them what he thinks is the right thing to do. We had discussed this  and he had commited to stop “telling” and start finding out what’s important to the people in his circle. This week he reported a dramatic improvement in his relationship and that he was getting things done quicker. This result surprised him because he thought it would take longer to ask questions than to tell people what seem to him to be an obvious solution.

Have you drawn a circle of influence? Do you know the currencies of the people you work with? Are you exercising all the influence you could?

Feel free to let me know.

Ask the tough question

•  “Send me some more information!”

• “Let me think it over!”

These are the two statements that most prospective clients use on sales people. And unfortunately, most of them get away with it.

1)      Unfortunate for the sales person, because he or she will need to call again to chase the prospect/client for an answer whilst having no guarantee of the result.

2)      Unfortunate for the prospect/client, because they will be called again and will have to spend valuable time either reevaluating or fobbing off the sales person.

Since we all know this happens, why are people still doing it?

1)      Because clients are often too polite to say “No” upfront.

2)      Because sales people are afraid to be upfront for fear of getting a “No”.

So, how can you save yourself and your prospect loads of time?

1) Assess if the client is interested – Immediately!

Next time you hear,  “Send me some more information!”Or “Let me think it over!”

Immediately ask the tough question:

“I just want to check with you if my service/product is of interest to you? If not, it will save us both valuable time if you can tell me upfront.”

This way you are giving the client permission to say “NO” and avoid the “unfortunate” part. But you also show that you are serious, have belief in your product and have no interest in chasing the client if they don’t need it.

Most intelligent prospect/ clients will respect that . Who knows? You may even get referrals if you ask for them and might hear “I don’t need it, but I know a friend who might.”

So, with this awareness, are you ready to ask the tough question?

Research has shown that the inability to build a successful relationship with the boss is a significant reason for managers failing or not reaching their full potential.

When I approach this topic I encounter a number of mindsets that lead to an inability to effectively influence, these include:

• My boss is autocratic
• My boss doesn’t listen to me
• I don’t want to jeopardise my career
• I have no power in the relationship
• My boss doesn’t give me time

Do any of these sound familiar?

The problem with blaming the boss is that you have created an external locus of control which is the exact opposite of self-leadership. To influence you must ask yourself what can I do that will make a difference? The purpose of this blog is to provide some ideas to get you started:

1. Create an Ally

Allies have open and honest conversations, they may not always agree but they will listen to what each other wants and assertively communicate what their own needs. “But my boss doesn’t care what I need” I hear you cry; and my response is, do you know what they need? and have you told them what you need?

2. Finding the boss’s currency

We all have currencies, those things that are important to us and ‘count’ in relationship. Bosses
currenices are likely to be some of the following:

• Commitment to the stated vision
• Doing things ‘the right way’
• Offering help without being asked
• Doing things faster than expected
• Providing information that they need
• Having a skill the boss does not have
• Acknowledging the bosses contribution to the organisation
• Activities that build the bosses reputation
• Using your contacts to expedite a task
• Expressing gratitude for anything the boss gives
• Minimising discomforts and distractions for the boss

Noticing which currencies the boss responds to and paying them in these currencies cost you a little in time and energy but sets up reciprocity.

3.Reciprocity

When something does something for us we feel consciously or unconsciously obliged to reciprocate.
Reciprocation is the number one principle of influence, why else do you think marketing campaigns offer you a free gift? If your boss ‘owes’ you first then you can assertively ask for what you want.

4.Assertiveness

We are most influential when we frame our influence with confidence and conviction. So using formula
for influencing your boss might look and sound like the following:

“Boss [use their name] I understand that x [insert currency or bosses pet project] is important to you and to do this I believe that we should [insert your suggestion here].”

“Boss [use their name] I appreciate that x [insert currency or bosses pet project] is important to you and to achieve this I will need [insert your request here].”

It is my experience that most employees underestimate their ability to Influence Without Authority, whether this is with their boss or their peers; believe you can influence and you will find a way.

Did you find these strategies useful? Do you have a success story on influencing your boss? Please share your stories.

I have a limited number of complimentary tickets available so if you want to learn about leadership and influence and are in Singapore, contact the organisers and mention this blog and they will have a ticket emailed to you (whilst stocks last).

See you there? Andrew Bryant,CSP

“Leadership is getting work done with and through others, whilst gaining their trust and cooperation.”

In a modern matrixed organisation, the ‘others’ that we need to lead may be our subordinates but just as likely they will be our peers, our bosses and our clients.

Aristotle (384-322 BCE) spoke about influence as requiring ethos, pathos and logos. Ethos can be translated as ethics, character and personal brand; pathos is empathy for the other person’s position and logos is a logical argument.

Your personal brand will be built by your confidence and your competence – the more you demonstrate that you can get the job done the more people will rely on you and be influenced by you. Effective leaders have a “my word is my bond” credo that builds influence muscle each time they exercise it.

Empathy is acknowledging how the other party feels. Steven Covey encouraged us to get the habit of “seek first and then be understood” this is essential to effective influence. When thinking about the person we wish to influence, we should consider; the organisational culture, their unit/department culture, their bosses expectations, peers expectations, how they are measured, the nature of their work and any major forces that impact them from outside the organisation.

When we acknowledge and empathise with the forces that drive the person, they will most likely reveal the ‘currencies’ that most matter to them.

Currencies include such things as; contributing to a vision, doing the right thing, challenge, recognition, contacts, acceptance and gratitude.

Identifying currencies requires good listening and rapport building skills but when you know just what the other person values you can influence them to do almost anything. I say “almost” anything because if you attempt to influence somebody to do something that is not in their or the organisations best interest you will most likely fail.

With logos we must present our influence proposal in a way that ‘makes sense’ to the mind of the listener. You must frame your message in a way that will be well received. A good formula for framing is the 4-mat system (McCarthy) which gets you to consider, Why, What, How and What’s Next?

Your listener wants to know why they should listen to you, what are you going to talk about, how they should use the information and what they should do next?

So if I was going to influence you to consider developing your leadership and influence skills and your currencies were learning and growth I might say something like,

“Have you considered how much more effective you could be if you knew how to influence? (WHY) Because your ability to influence at all levels inside and outside the organisation are essential to you creating business growth (WHAT). You can learn to increase or leverage your existing influence by attending one of my programs or hiring me in-house (HOW), so why not contact me to find out when you can begin? (WHAT’S NEXT).”

Now of course written like that it looks a bit like a sale pitch but when used with rapport and for the good of the listener this information is powerful.

I just got a call from Australia, from James who needed a coach for one his bank’s people in Singapore. The reason I got the call was that James had heard about me from Yuvi who had previously used me for some communication training and the reason he used me is that he had heard about me from Carole who had been introduced to me by Stephanie who I met at a conference in Kuala Lumpur!

How much was that conversation worth?

Well it might not have been worth anything if I hadn’t built the relationship by being helpful, following up and when the opportunity arose – did good work.

We have just signed a major client for 2 pilot programs. The story started last year with me telling a friend about how the Global Meltdown had affected some of our clients and asking him if he knew anybody that might need our services – he did and introduced me to lady who introduced me to guy who later referred me to somebody that needed a program on influence. Well if this is not a story about the power of building relationships and influence I don’t know what is!

Now don’t get me wrong; I am not suggesting that we put a price on all our relationships and become like an Amway distributor preying on friendships but it does reinforce the power of word of mouth.

In the first example the word of mouth advertising worked because some people are happy to refer when they get good service, however in the second case if I hadn’t talked about my need for referrals my friend of many years would not have accessed his Rolodex.

So it is import to:

1. Tell people what you do and what you need
2. Do good work and exceed expectations
3. Say thank you for the referal and reciprocate if possible

Seems simple right? But sometimes the simplest truths are the most profound.

The ability to speak effectively to small or large audiences is a vital competency for manager and leaders and yet this competency is often lacking.

As a Certified Professional Speaker myself, I have spoken to thousands of people over the years and experienced the first hand what to do and what not to do with an audience. As an executive coach I have trained and coached hundred’s of managers who were previously tongue tied to connect with the audience and deliver their message effectively; so allow me to share with you a secret of public and professional speaking:

There is no such thing as an audience

The biggest mistake that novice speaker make is to imagine their perspective audience as critical or hostile. Creating this mental picture of a group united in their disapproval of you will create a state of anxiety in even the strongest of heart.

Accomplished speakers realise that an audience, small or large, is made up of individuals just like you. Each individual has needs and wants and can change their state from boredom to curiosity. If you connect to their needs and wants and create a sense of curiosity they will be on the edge of thier seats.

So the first key to successful public or professional speaking is to break down your audience into a group of individuals and preferably know what it is they want before you deliver your topic.

Most of the work in speaking is not the speech itself but the research and preparation before the speech. Only speak “off the cuff” if you know your topic backwards and know exactly who you are talking to.

As you present make eye contact, smile and imagine you are having a conversation with a group of friends or colleagues. Will it still be nerve wracking? Perhaps but the only way to get better at it is to practice at every opportunity. Remember, as we move up through an organisation, we are paid less for what we do an more for what we influence others to do. Speaking in public is a core competency for influence.

If you are interested in professional speaking training or coaching please contact us.

Should

What is more interesting however are the ‘unsaid shoulds’.  When we get angry or upset it is most probably because somebody else has not complied with our ‘shoulds‘ or ‘shouldn’ts‘.

For example; if somebody pushes in front of you in a queue, do you feel angry? You do? Well that is because you (and me for that matter) believe that they shouldn’t push in.

Customer service is all about anticipating the expectation of should and shouldn’t. Last weekend I was taking my wife and children to see Barney (the pink dinosaur who dances!) at the Singapore Expo. Well firstly the car park was a nightmare, not enough spaces and people parking illegally and blocking traffic.  I could feel my stress levels rising as I knew I should get the kids to the show on time and that the expo SHOULD have provided enough parking.

I chose to drop my family at the entrance and go and find another car park, so after jogging back to the venue I was just in time for the show to start. My wife asked me to find two seat boosters for the kids and so I hurriedly set off in search of these only to be told by expo staff that they had run out of boosters and that I SHOULD have been there earlier!
Now I am not proud of my response to this situation because I raised my voice and told the girl that I had paid for the most expensive seats to see the damn dinosaur and I damn well think they SHOULD provide enough boosters!  In defense of the Singapore Expo or the organisers of Barney and Friends we were recompensed with two buckets of popcorn but it is another example of reacting to a ‘should’.

I have just stayed at an excellent hotel (The Grand Millennium Bangkok, Thailand) where my every need was anticipated. On check-in I was asked, “Should I need a wake up call and should I need a car to take me to the airport.” This hotel continued to impress me and I was reminded of how wonderful life is when the world meets or exceeds your mental maps.

The reason I was in Bangkok was to conduct a 3-day leadership program for senior managers and during that training I emphasised using the phrase, “what’s important to you about that?” This question uncovers a person’s values including their – ‘shoulds’. Knowing your own and other people’s mental map results in effective communication reduced conflict and increased influence.

So shouldn’t you get better at your shoulds?