Self Leadership Coaching Blog

When I speak about leadership at a conference or workshop, I often talk about my children, Tasha (3 1/2) and Nathan (22 months). This is for a couple of reasons, firstly and selfishly because I am a proud father, secondly because it builds rapport with the audience and thirdly and most importantly because they are good examples of leadership and influence principles. In this blog post I wanted to share 3 such leadership principles.

1. Modeling Behaviour

Every parent knows that children are great mimics, they watch you like a hawk and duplicate your behaviour. This can be amusing, as when Tasha first started painting her nails after watching my wife or Nathan picking up my tennis racket and saying, “like daddy.” The dark side of this modeling is when children mimic the aggressive behaviour of adults, which was demonstrated by  Dr. Albert Bandura with the Bobo Doll experiment and is evidenced in war torn areas of the world where children carry weapons.

Adults to0 model behaviour which is why the leaders of any team or organisation must “walk the talk”, they must be the model for the behaviours they wish to see duplicated. Talk is cheap – action is real.

2. Validation

Both Tasha and Nathan like to clap themselves when they do something right and they both beam when Zurina and I give them praise. As a leadership consultant I know how important it is that I continue to praise even moderately good performance as research by Dr Ethna Reid shows that teachers who get the best results, validate regularly. Successful teachers also alternate between teaching and questioning (testing) for comprehension.

In leadership and management in a hectic paced world it is all too easy to criticise poor performance and to tell rather than ask. In our leadership for managers program, we emphasise and rehearse the arts of validation and asking good questions.

3. Story Telling

Children love stories and interpret our cultural moral code from those stories. Tasha knows who are the good princesses (coutesy of Disney) and who is the evil queen, Nathan is learning from Thomas the Tank Engine that when you break the rules you go off the rails, he even exclaims very loudly “oh no!” when this happens.

Effective leaders also tell stories that let their followers know what the vision and culture of the organisation is. These stories get retold and strongly influence the behaviour of the team or workforce. When I was teaching coaching skills at Singapore Airlines I noticed how they regularly used stories of  exemplary customer service to validate and reinforce the behaviour of going the extra mile service (GEMS).

Perhaps you have other Leadership Principles you have learned from children – feel free to share.

“If words of command are not clear and distinct, if orders are not thoroughly understood, the general is to blame. But if his orders are clear, and the soldiers nevertheless disobey, then it is the fault of their officers.” – Sun Tzu

On May 26-27, 2009  Self Leadership International will be conducting a 2-day “Leadership for Managers” Program in Singapore.

If you are interested in developing your leadership skills and mindset to cope and prosper during with this current economic climate then you should consider this program as an essential investment. Normally we run this program for large multi-national companies but the public run gives the opportunity for SME’s to send their managers for a world class training. This program is also ideal for those MNC’s that want a cost effective program for selected managers.

For full details of the program you can click here or contact Radu at our office on +65 6887 4335. Continue Reading »

“It’s not our abilities that show us what we truly are; it’s our choices.”

These words, spoken  by Professor Dumbledore to Harry Potter, are a profound reminder that leaders require self leadership.

Viktor Frankl, the Nazi death camp survivor and founder of logo therapy, said it this way, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Interestingly we do not always get the best education in making choices. I recently spoke to a father who told me that he was having difficulty disciplining his teenage son; he had said to the boy, “Whilst under my roof, you have no choice.” With some empathy I shared a perspective that he might be handicapping his son’s abilities to learn to choose. Our choices have consequences and perhaps we need a gradient of consequences as we learn the power of choice?

As Self Leadership International we take this approach with our staff, we give them tasks that require them to make choices. With new interns or employees we limit the consequenses of those choices away from business critical areas, but as they grow in confidence we give them more and more rope ( but not enough to hang themselves!).

I have been involved in training leadership for managers for many years and this concept of empowerment is one that they often struggle with. I think it might be linked to a lack of permission (as with the teenage son) to make choices for themselves that prevents them from allowing others to make choices.

Here is a simple self leadership approach to making choices:

1. Own your right to choose. You have a birthright to make choices independent of your family and culture.
2. Choices have consequences. You must take responsibility for your choices good or bad.
3. Analyse your choices before you make them. “Do I have all the facts?  Will this choice benefit me/others, in the short/long term?”
4. Get input on your choices. With a major choice do not be afraid to get input from others but remain in control.
5. Get feedback on your choices. Notice the effects of your choices and make adjustments as necessary.

It takes a high degree of self awareness to run through this process and we make many choices by ‘gut feel’ but gut feel is our unconscious processing of choices. Leaders train their gut feel or intuition by paying attention the results of their choices and the choices of others.

May you make good choices this year.

(copyright Andrew Bryant – no reproduction without permission)