“There are no fairy godmothers – If you want to be transformed, to be free, you must do the work; you are the hero, you are your own savior.”

This does not mean we deny the importance of faith, in fact our research shows that sprituality is linked with stronger self-leadership; what it does mean is that you must take responsibility for your own success – blaming others for your circumstances or prayer without action is futile.

Life is not fair, we are not all born with parents who validate our self-esteem and provide opportunities for us to learn and grow; sometimes circumstances are downright cruel. But success is measured not by what you have but how much you have grown inside and this comes by motivating yourself to overcome obstacles and live with purpose.

Mythologist Joseph Cambell tracked the hero’s journey, a common them in all cultures (and Hollywood), which is the process by which we are called to action, to a higher purpose (think about Neo in the Matrix or Luke in Starwars). The hero initially refuses the call and may even run away (Jonah and the whale) but on meeting a guide or mentor sets out on an outer and inner journer of discovery, challenge and growth.

We are all heroes or heroines, just living with purpose and integrity in today’s world takes courage and perseverence. Hopefully you are lucky enough to have a mentor (or coach) to guide you but ultimately you must seek the answers within. Ultimately self-leadership is about finding what motivates you and managing your distractions so that you become effective.

Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi described the state of ‘flow’ those periods when you are totally engaged in what your are doing and time just ‘goes away’. When we are in flow we are experiencing natural self-motivation and what we are doing gives us a clue about our purpose. For me, flow happens when I am coaching or speaking to an audience about how they can improve their self-leadership. What is it for you?

Organizations have often ignored the power of self-motivation in favour of offering ‘stick and carrot’ style approaches to getting people to work better. Heroes, can work alone or together combining their powers and covering for each other to make powerful teams.

Even heroes have doubts and a negative inner dialogue can be kryptonite to your superman. The hero recognizes that success is a journey and that their will be setbacks and failures but these are learning experiences that prepare him or her for the next challenge. The hero knows that they must live by a personal code of ethics and if they stay true to this, regardless of what happens externally, they will be a success.

“A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself.”
Joseph Campbell

If this is your first time visiting Self Leadership Coaching blog then I suggest you use the search button and look for topics of interest to you. You will find many posts on; leadership, management, coaching, presentation skills, communication and influence.

We welcome your comments and will post them even if they disagree with the post, so feel free to start a discussion. Most of the information posted has come from my experience as a leadership consultant and executive coach, working in Australia, Singapore and across SE Asia and as a life-long learner I am always looking for new ideas and best practice.

Please enjoy – and Learn

In April 2010, I was asked to speak at the Singapore Leadership Conference on Leadership and Influence.

After my presentation I was interviewed by Dee Allen of Red Mars. You can see a few minutes of the interview and speech in this YouTube video.

If you would like to know more about the Circle of Influence, read about it here.

Research has shown that only about one-third of people are aware of their strengths and the management guru, Peter Drucker said that we can only lead from strengths.

A common approach in management and  leadership development has been to measure the gap between a person’s behaviour and the desired corporate competencies; whilst this approach is valid it can downplay the application of a person’s strengths.

My top strengths are; love of learning, humor, zest, perseverance, honest, open-mindedness and perspective. I know this because I have taken a test based on the research of Dr Martin Seligman and Dr Christopher Peterson.

Seligman and Peterson’s research has found six broad categories of the best of human behaviours (virtues) that are intrinsically valued across time and cultures. Seligman and Peterson suggest that these virtues may even be biologically linked in terms of survival of the species. Within each virtue category are strengths that we all demonstrate to a greater or lesser extent.
 The list is as follows:

There is a natural tendency to consider those strengths that you don’t score highly on as weaknesses but, unlike talents, strengths can be built up.

My lowest scoring strength is modesty ( for those of you who know me this is no surprise) and yet this does not mean I am not modest in some circumstances and with the awareness of this I can build it as a strength.

Positive Psychology researchers are now validating interventions to build strengths and the work is ongoing. This has major ramifications for the field of leadership development as we can know with certainty as to how to build up individuals and teams.

At Self Leadership International we have already started to build this research into our coaching and programs. A popular activity is a partner exercise in which each party listens to a success story told by the other and reflects back the strengths that they heard. The result of this exercise are profound in that colleagues who have known each other for some time get a deeper understanding of each other and managers learn to better delegate and build up their teams rather than jump to criticism.

Posted from Singapore 27/10/2010

There are four presentation styles that every speaker should and can easily master. Watch the video and read the descriptions below.

Director Style

This is the presentation body language that commands attention while maintaining dignity and rapport. It offers no immediate opportunity for resistance.You will use it to give clear mobilizing directions.

Instructions: Stand straight, square the shoulders, and maintain eye contact. During instruction, stay as still as possible. After the instruction, freeze for a couple of breaths while slowly scanning room. Use a strong voice. Use visual words and physiology.

Discovery Style

This is the presentation body language used when ‘on stage’ or teaching.You can use it to elicit curiosity, wonder, excitement and discovery. To explore what is possible to know or learn; to build closeness and partnership with the audience.

Intsructions: Stand light on feet, move laterally across stage, Use lots of gestures congruent with content, voices and expressions, and maintain an air of playfulness. Use “Let’s”, “Us”, “We” and phrases such as “Here’s an idea. What do you think or feel about it?” “This is true for me, how about for you?” Move in and out of the audience.

Leadership Style

This is the presentation body language style that inspires and calls people to action. You can use it to unify a group, and get them to move toward commitment and action.

Instructions: Stand straight, breathe fully, and maintain eye contact. Keep one foot in front of the other; slightly turn body to one side of the audience at a time. If in center of audience, slowly rotate and speak to different sections.

Authenticity

This is the presentation body language used for establishing openness and authenticity. You can use it to own up to a mistake or deliver bad news.

Instructions: Use a calm voice. Sit down, open your palms upwards be emotionally vulnerable.

Practice these styles in front of a mirror and incorporate them in your next presentation or contact us for presentation skills coaching

Ask the tough question

•  “Send me some more information!”

• “Let me think it over!”

These are the two statements that most prospective clients use on sales people. And unfortunately, most of them get away with it.

1)      Unfortunate for the sales person, because he or she will need to call again to chase the prospect/client for an answer whilst having no guarantee of the result.

2)      Unfortunate for the prospect/client, because they will be called again and will have to spend valuable time either reevaluating or fobbing off the sales person.

Since we all know this happens, why are people still doing it?

1)      Because clients are often too polite to say “No” upfront.

2)      Because sales people are afraid to be upfront for fear of getting a “No”.

So, how can you save yourself and your prospect loads of time?

1) Assess if the client is interested – Immediately!

Next time you hear,  “Send me some more information!”Or “Let me think it over!”

Immediately ask the tough question:

“I just want to check with you if my service/product is of interest to you? If not, it will save us both valuable time if you can tell me upfront.”

This way you are giving the client permission to say “NO” and avoid the “unfortunate” part. But you also show that you are serious, have belief in your product and have no interest in chasing the client if they don’t need it.

Most intelligent prospect/ clients will respect that . Who knows? You may even get referrals if you ask for them and might hear “I don’t need it, but I know a friend who might.”

So, with this awareness, are you ready to ask the tough question?

I was recently speaking to the Malaysian Association of Professional Speakers in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia on the topic of ‘Professionalism’; practice these techniques and soon you will be speaking like a professional.

Management and Leadership require getting work done, with and through others whilst gaining their trust and co-operation, the secret is that you have to give trust before you can gain it.

Many of the executives I have coached have struggled with the issue of trust as they have got where they are today by being controlling and see delegation as loss of control. Logically these people know that they must delegate but become frustrated that when they try to delegate they don’t get the results they were hoping for.

I have found that using a ”Why, What, How, Do” approach can create a staircase to effective delegation.

First you tell people “Why” you want to them to do something. We all like to know why what we are doing is important , so when you say, “I want you to do this because…” you make the task meaningful. By giving the reason for the delegation you engage and empower the individual to do their best.

Next you tell the person “What” the results are you are looking for. We know what those results are but our people are not telepathic (and a good job too) so you will have to take the time to describe specifically what a successful outcome will be.

The first time you delegate you will often need to share with the person, “How” to do what you have asked them. At the very least ask if they know how to execute what you have asked them to do and make sure they know they can contact you if there is a problem. Once this step is complete the person can “Do” the delegated task.

On completion of the delegated task, the result will reflect their competency AND your ability to communicate. Successful completion builds your trust and their trust in you that you have their best interest in mind. If things do not turn out as expected, carefully examine the causes and coach the gaps - avoid blaming as this will evaporate any trust that exists.

Once you have successfully delegated the task once, you can skip the “How” stage and just give “Why and What”" instructions. With a trusted team member you can get away with just “Why” or they may have anticipated the need and done the job already!

Effective delegation takes up-front time to get it right but the payoff is that you leverage yourself and free up time to do other things. Like all worthwhile things it take practice, so why not start today?

Now I understand where the writer was coming from;talking about  sex, politics and religion can break rapport, create conflict and ruin the career of the unwary but I have a different perspective. As humans, sex, politics and religion play a significant part of our lives and the biases and meanings we bring to these topics will significantly affect our behaviour; so to not talk about them can be equally dangerous.

Let’s start by considering why talking about sex, religion and politics is like juggling with live ammunition or walking the tight rope without a safety net.

Animals have sex to provide offspring, some are monogamous some are not; and some masturbate or engage in homosexual behaviour. Humans unlike animals have the cognitive power to make meanings and therefore judgements about the act of sex. Humans have the ability to codify behaviour and even communicate these judgements through language. We are social animals and have survived by moral codes communicated by our leaders (politicians), the first recorded being The Code of Hammurabi,King of Babylon about 2250 B.C although the Egyptians probably had an earlier code. The Code of Hammurabi contain 282 sections that set forth business, family, social, and political rules. A universally agreed moral code should remove the need for discussion but not everyone does agree. A device to make argument impossible is to suggest that your rules come from an omnipotent and omniscient deity and so therefore who are you, a mere mortal to challenge this?

Now my last sentence was probably inflammatory to millions of people who believe that their moral code is divinely inspired.  This is why talking about how to behave is fraught with danger because instead of just having a different view on how we should behave we can run foul of the ruling party or even the big G.

If we were to stop all talk of sex, politics and religion we would be effectively outlawing comedy and fun. Comedy and fun allow us step back from our ‘frames of mind’ and consider alternative views. I don’t know if Galileo had a sense of humour but he ran foul of religion when he suggested that that the earth rotates around the sun instead of the other way around. I seriously doubt the Roman Inquisition had much of a sense of humour when they held his feet to the fire to silence him.

Mahatma Gandhi ran foul of politics when he spoke up against the moral authority of the British Empire. His speaking up was successful in removing the occupiers but his pluralism was not sufficient to prevent the separation of the Indian sub-continent along religious lines.

My point is that speaking about sex, religion and politics is called for when we need to shift points of view, especially when there is injustice. The challenge will always be that to have an effective discussion we need to agree on points of reference. When discussing the 3 ‘taboo’ topics it is often not possible to agree on the reference and so we have to ‘frame’ our discussions delicately, for the moment someone feels judged or take something personally they are likely to respond defensively or aggressively.

I speak on leadership and specifically Self-Leadership and in both these disciplines it is important to know what we believe and why we believe it. It is also necessary to be able to deal with paradox and consider multiple perspectives. To this end I make it my business to be knowledgeable of other people’s beliefs and to respect them without needing to agree with them. So by all means speak about sex, politics and religion but do your homework first!

I have a limited number of complimentary tickets available so if you want to learn about leadership and influence and are in Singapore, contact the organisers and mention this blog and they will have a ticket emailed to you (whilst stocks last).

See you there? Andrew Bryant,CSP