Ask the tough question

•  “Send me some more information!”

• “Let me think it over!”

These are the two statements that most prospective clients use on sales people. And unfortunately, most of them get away with it.

1)      Unfortunate for the sales person, because he or she will need to call again to chase the prospect/client for an answer whilst having no guarantee of the result.

2)      Unfortunate for the prospect/client, because they will be called again and will have to spend valuable time either reevaluating or fobbing off the sales person.

Since we all know this happens, why are people still doing it?

1)      Because clients are often too polite to say “No” upfront.

2)      Because sales people are afraid to be upfront for fear of getting a “No”.

So, how can you save yourself and your prospect loads of time?

1) Assess if the client is interested – Immediately!

Next time you hear,  “Send me some more information!”Or “Let me think it over!”

Immediately ask the tough question:

“I just want to check with you if my service/product is of interest to you? If not, it will save us both valuable time if you can tell me upfront.”

This way you are giving the client permission to say “NO” and avoid the “unfortunate” part. But you also show that you are serious, have belief in your product and have no interest in chasing the client if they don’t need it.

Most intelligent prospect/ clients will respect that . Who knows? You may even get referrals if you ask for them and might hear “I don’t need it, but I know a friend who might.”

So, with this awareness, are you ready to ask the tough question?

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I was recently speaking to the Malaysian Association of Professional Speakers in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia on the topic of ‘Professionalism’; practice these techniques and soon you will be speaking like a professional.

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Management and Leadership require getting work done, with and through others whilst gaining their trust and co-operation, the secret is that you have to give trust before you can gain it.

Many of the executives I have coached have struggled with the issue of trust as they have got where they are today by being controlling and see delegation as loss of control. Logically these people know that they must delegate but become frustrated that when they try to delegate they don’t get the results they were hoping for.

I have found that using a ”Why, What, How, Do” approach can create a staircase to effective delegation.

First you tell people “Why” you want to them to do something. We all like to know why what we are doing is important , so when you say, “I want you to do this because…” you make the task meaningful. By giving the reason for the delegation you engage and empower the individual to do their best.

Next you tell the person “What” the results are you are looking for. We know what those results are but our people are not telepathic (and a good job too) so you will have to take the time to describe specifically what a successful outcome will be.

The first time you delegate you will often need to share with the person, “How” to do what you have asked them. At the very least ask if they know how to execute what you have asked them to do and make sure they know they can contact you if there is a problem. Once this step is complete the person can “Do” the delegated task.

On completion of the delegated task, the result will reflect their competency AND your ability to communicate. Successful completion builds your trust and their trust in you that you have their best interest in mind. If things do not turn out as expected, carefully examine the causes and coach the gaps - avoid blaming as this will evaporate any trust that exists.

Once you have successfully delegated the task once, you can skip the “How” stage and just give “Why and What”" instructions. With a trusted team member you can get away with just “Why” or they may have anticipated the need and done the job already!

Effective delegation takes up-front time to get it right but the payoff is that you leverage yourself and free up time to do other things. Like all worthwhile things it take practice, so why not start today?

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Now I understand where the writer was coming from;talking about  sex, politics and religion can break rapport, create conflict and ruin the career of the unwary but I have a different perspective. As humans, sex, politics and religion play a significant part of our lives and the biases and meanings we bring to these topics will significantly affect our behaviour; so to not talk about them can be equally dangerous.

Let’s start by considering why talking about sex, religion and politics is like juggling with live ammunition or walking the tight rope without a safety net.

Animals have sex to provide offspring, some are monogamous some are not; and some masturbate or engage in homosexual behaviour. Humans unlike animals have the cognitive power to make meanings and therefore judgements about the act of sex. Humans have the ability to codify behaviour and even communicate these judgements through language. We are social animals and have survived by moral codes communicated by our leaders (politicians), the first recorded being The Code of Hammurabi,King of Babylon about 2250 B.C although the Egyptians probably had an earlier code. The Code of Hammurabi contain 282 sections that set forth business, family, social, and political rules. A universally agreed moral code should remove the need for discussion but not everyone does agree. A device to make argument impossible is to suggest that your rules come from an omnipotent and omniscient deity and so therefore who are you, a mere mortal to challenge this?

Now my last sentence was probably inflammatory to millions of people who believe that their moral code is divinely inspired.  This is why talking about how to behave is fraught with danger because instead of just having a different view on how we should behave we can run foul of the ruling party or even the big G.

If we were to stop all talk of sex, politics and religion we would be effectively outlawing comedy and fun. Comedy and fun allow us step back from our ‘frames of mind’ and consider alternative views. I don’t know if Galileo had a sense of humour but he ran foul of religion when he suggested that that the earth rotates around the sun instead of the other way around. I seriously doubt the Roman Inquisition had much of a sense of humour when they held his feet to the fire to silence him.

Mahatma Gandhi ran foul of politics when he spoke up against the moral authority of the British Empire. His speaking up was successful in removing the occupiers but his pluralism was not sufficient to prevent the separation of the Indian sub-continent along religious lines.

My point is that speaking about sex, religion and politics is called for when we need to shift points of view, especially when there is injustice. The challenge will always be that to have an effective discussion we need to agree on points of reference. When discussing the 3 ‘taboo’ topics it is often not possible to agree on the reference and so we have to ‘frame’ our discussions delicately, for the moment someone feels judged or take something personally they are likely to respond defensively or aggressively.

I speak on leadership and specifically Self-Leadership and in both these disciplines it is important to know what we believe and why we believe it. It is also necessary to be able to deal with paradox and consider multiple perspectives. To this end I make it my business to be knowledgeable of other people’s beliefs and to respect them without needing to agree with them. So by all means speak about sex, politics and religion but do your homework first!

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I have a limited number of complimentary tickets available so if you want to learn about leadership and influence and are in Singapore, contact the organisers and mention this blog and they will have a ticket emailed to you (whilst stocks last).

See you there? Andrew Bryant,CSP

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According to the Chinese Zodiac, the tiger is a symbol of power and authority and therefore leadership; unfortunately the style of leadership represented is poor on relationship.

Poor people leadership is something I encounter on a daily basis; just recently I was conducting a Coaching for Managers program and one senior manager told me his boss had refused to attend saying, “I don’t believe in that s#!t”

On the flip side I have been working with some great people, recently, who really believe in developing people-skills and are seeing the business results to confirm their belief.

If this is your first or fiftieth time reading this blog, I hope my posts, in some small way, make the Year of the Tiger profitable, productive and harmonious for you.

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

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“Leadership is getting work done with and through others, whilst gaining their trust and cooperation.”

In a modern matrixed organisation, the ‘others’ that we need to lead may be our subordinates but just as likely they will be our peers, our bosses and our clients.

Aristotle (384-322 BCE) spoke about influence as requiring ethos, pathos and logos. Ethos can be translated as ethics, character and personal brand; pathos is empathy for the other person’s position and logos is a logical argument.

Your personal brand will be built by your confidence and your competence – the more you demonstrate that you can get the job done the more people will rely on you and be influenced by you. Effective leaders have a “my word is my bond” credo that builds influence muscle each time they exercise it.

Empathy is acknowledging how the other party feels. Steven Covey encouraged us to get the habit of “seek first and then be understood” this is essential to effective influence. When thinking about the person we wish to influence, we should consider; the organisational culture, their unit/department culture, their bosses expectations, peers expectations, how they are measured, the nature of their work and any major forces that impact them from outside the organisation.

When we acknowledge and empathise with the forces that drive the person, they will most likely reveal the ‘currencies’ that most matter to them.

Currencies include such things as; contributing to a vision, doing the right thing, challenge, recognition, contacts, acceptance and gratitude.

Identifying currencies requires good listening and rapport building skills but when you know just what the other person values you can influence them to do almost anything. I say “almost” anything because if you attempt to influence somebody to do something that is not in their or the organisations best interest you will most likely fail.

With logos we must present our influence proposal in a way that ‘makes sense’ to the mind of the listener. You must frame your message in a way that will be well received. A good formula for framing is the 4-mat system (McCarthy) which gets you to consider, Why, What, How and What’s Next?

Your listener wants to know why they should listen to you, what are you going to talk about, how they should use the information and what they should do next?

So if I was going to influence you to consider developing your leadership and influence skills and your currencies were learning and growth I might say something like,

“Have you considered how much more effective you could be if you knew how to influence? (WHY) Because your ability to influence at all levels inside and outside the organisation are essential to you creating business growth (WHAT). You can learn to increase or leverage your existing influence by attending one of my programs or hiring me in-house (HOW), so why not contact me to find out when you can begin? (WHAT’S NEXT).”

Now of course written like that it looks a bit like a sale pitch but when used with rapport and for the good of the listener this information is powerful.

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As part of my study of leadership and business, I recently read a classic— Tom Peters’ 1985 book, A Passion for Excellence: The Leadership Difference.  This book followed his best selling book on great companies, Search for Excellence (1982).  By the time I read over 300 pages, I knew that I was going to use a number of quotes on “coaching.”  Then I turned the page to Chapter 18.  It has a one line title, Coaching.

Now if that doesn’t surprise you as it did me, then let me remind you that Thomas Leonard did not create the field of “Coaching” until 1991.  So this chapter was published 6 years earlier!  And while there’s a few things I’ll mention in a minute that doesn’t fit for Meta-Coaching, mostly it is right on target.  Chapter 18 is addressed to executive leaders and managerial leaders in an organization about how to be a leader coach.  Now is that relevant?  To see for yourself, here are a few key quotations from the book:

“Coaching is face-to-face leadership that pulls together people with diverse backgrounds, talents, experiences and interests, encourages them to step up to responsibility and continued achievement, and treats them as full-scale partners and contributions.  Coaching is not about memorizing techniques or devising the perfect game plan.  It is about really paying attention to people— really believing them, really caring about them, really involving them.

“To coach is largely to facilitate, which literally means ‘to make easy’ —not less demanding, less interesting or less intense, but less discouraging, less bound up with excessive controls and complications.  A coach/facilitator works tirelessly to free the team from needless restrictions on performance, even when they are self-imposed.  In these next few pages we will talk about some of the most vital aspects of coaching: visibility, listening, limit-setting, value-shaping, skill-stretching.” (325-326)

Under the title of “Coaching by Wandering Around,” Tom Peters writes about leaders and managers who use coaching as their methodology for leading:

“Coaching is the process of enabling others to act, of building on their strengths.  It’s counting on people to use their own special skill and competence, and then giving them enough room and enough time to do it.  Coaching at its heart involves caring enough about people to take the time to build a personal relationship with them.” (328)

“Coaching is tough-minded.  It’s nurturing and bring out the best; it’s demanding that the team play as a team.” (329)

“Every coach, at every level, is above all a value-shaper.  The value-shaper not only brings company philosophy to life by paying extraordinary attention to communicating and symbolizing it.” (330)

“The best coaches spend as much time developing the team’s ability to believe in what each member can contribute as they do working with individual players.  It sets the tone for the way people should aim to work together and trust evolves in the process.” (334)

Now for what Tom Peters wrote that does not fit for coaching today as we know it via Meta-Coaching.  This indicates the way coaching has evolved from 1984 to today:

“Five Coaching Roles: In short, sometimes coaching is not coaching, but counseling, or sponsoring, or confronting, or educating.” (337)

“It turns out that successful coaches instinctively vary their approaches to meet the needs of this person at this time, or that group at that time.  They perform five distinctly different roles: they educate, sponsor, coach, counsel, and confront.” (338)

The theme of this chapter on Coaching is that the leader is a coach and the leader who coaches appeals to the best in each person, has an open door, is a problem-solver and cheerleader, thinks of ways to make people more productive, manages by wandering around, is a good listener, etc. (354-357).

“Effective coaching means creating winners, keeping the faith in the thick of turmoil, building momentum, finding tiny glimmers of light (to reinforce) in the midst of darkness…” (357)

“Effective leadership is full-time people development. … In coaching, the name of the game is execution.” (359)

“Coaching includes praise— expressing approval or admiration, applauding, commending and lauding small (and large) victories.” (361)

“Coaching is ongoing leadership. …  Coaches stretch you to your limit, a limit often beyond what you thought possible.” (362)

“The best coaches set in motion a continuing learning process —one that helps people develop a tolerance for their own struggles and accelerates the unfolding of skill and contributions that would not have been possible without the ‘magic’ attention of a dedicated coach.” (377)

“Leading is a hands-on art.  Coaching is the essence of leading– developing those with whom we work.  Coaching is MBWA (management by wandering around.” (384)

As I reflect on these writings some 26 years ago, no wonder coaching has become such a powerful modality in the business world.  And today we stand on the shoulders of such giants as Tom Peters.

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It is more than a year ago that I walked through the door of the Self Leadership International office for the first time. I was a young graduate of psychology, coming all the way from Romania to learn about training and leadership development in Singapore; with very little idea of what my internship will bring about.

Now, one year later, I can whole heartedly say that it was the greatest learning experience of my life.

Not only did I learn tremendously in the area of leadership development, but even more importantly I developed myself imensely on a personal level. I can’t possibly name all the things I learnt, as it would be a post too long for anyone to read…but I do want to share with you three of the most important ones:

1. The importance of open and honest communication

A lot of companies actually have this somewhere in their guidelines, but in the Self Leadership office this was indeed a ground rule. And it was great to realize how saying things openly and directly can make so much of a difference in my working relationships, in the way I related to my colleagues and in the overall atmosphere in the office.

It also leads to no politics, as everybody knows pretty much everything and there is no need to hide anything. Plus, the most powerful breakthrough for me was to start saying what I thought, even if I was afraid. I especially refer to giving negative feedback or to stating opinions contrary to the others.

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Did you know that your learning follows a path? Firstly you don’t know what your don’t know, which is a state I like to call “blissful ignorance.” On the learning path this is known as unconscious incompetence.

When you learn about something new you first enter a stage of knowing what you don’t know or can’t yet do;  this is known as conscious incompetence. This stage can be uncomfortable for adult learners as they feel awkward and self-conscious as they start practicing the skill. Many people have given up at this stage, think of those guitar lessons or yoga classes that you so eagerly signed up for. If the goal is important enough we push through the discomfort of not knowing and move to the next level, if you have learned to drive a car or use a piece of new software you know what I mean.

With practice comes conscious competence – you know how to do the skill although you might still need to pay some attention to the task. Think about when you just passed your driving test or learned how to ride a bike – you could do it but you were still a bit wobbly.

The next stage is unconscious competence where you can complete the  task automatically. If you can touch type your fingers know where the ‘Z’ key is without you even thinking. Unfortunately many people drive this way as they talk on their mobile phones and eat fast food whilst navigating the roads! Most people stop learning at this level as the amount of practice to achieve the next level of mastery does not seem worth the effort.

Finally there is consciousness of your unconscious competence – this is a high level of awareness of what you know and how you know it. At this level of learning the master of his or her craft seeks to find the fine distinctions that take knowledge or skills to new levels or into new contexts.  Many of us have experienced a teacher who knew thier subject (unconsious competence) but could not really teach it because they lacked a high level of awareness of how they do what they do.

To be an effective leader, teacher, coach or mentor we must understand the learning path and help our staff or students navigate it. We must remember the challenges we had in learning and share how we overcame these obstacles. It is too easy to become frustrated when it takes someone a while to get what we think is easy but we have usually forgotten to help them learn rather than just telling them.

Most importantly if you are stuck at conscious incompetence – ask for help, find a coach or someone who has mastered this before and ask them how they learned to learn the skill.

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