Ask the tough question

•  “Send me some more information!”

• “Let me think it over!”

These are the two statements that most prospective clients use on sales people. And unfortunately, most of them get away with it.

1)      Unfortunate for the sales person, because he or she will need to call again to chase the prospect/client for an answer whilst having no guarantee of the result.

2)      Unfortunate for the prospect/client, because they will be called again and will have to spend valuable time either reevaluating or fobbing off the sales person.

Since we all know this happens, why are people still doing it?

1)      Because clients are often too polite to say “No” upfront.

2)      Because sales people are afraid to be upfront for fear of getting a “No”.

So, how can you save yourself and your prospect loads of time?

1) Assess if the client is interested – Immediately!

Next time you hear,  “Send me some more information!”Or “Let me think it over!”

Immediately ask the tough question:

“I just want to check with you if my service/product is of interest to you? If not, it will save us both valuable time if you can tell me upfront.”

This way you are giving the client permission to say “NO” and avoid the “unfortunate” part. But you also show that you are serious, have belief in your product and have no interest in chasing the client if they don’t need it.

Most intelligent prospect/ clients will respect that . Who knows? You may even get referrals if you ask for them and might hear “I don’t need it, but I know a friend who might.”

So, with this awareness, are you ready to ask the tough question?

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Research has shown that the inability to build a successful relationship with the boss is a significant reason for managers failing or not reaching their full potential.

When I approach this topic I encounter a number of mindsets that lead to an inability to effectively influence, these include:

• My boss is autocratic
• My boss doesn’t listen to me
• I don’t want to jeopardise my career
• I have no power in the relationship
• My boss doesn’t give me time

Do any of these sound familiar?

The problem with blaming the boss is that you have created an external locus of control which is the exact opposite of self-leadership. To influence you must ask yourself what can I do that will make a difference? The purpose of this blog is to provide some ideas to get you started:

1. Create an Ally

Allies have open and honest conversations, they may not always agree but they will listen to what each other wants and assertively communicate what their own needs. “But my boss doesn’t care what I need” I hear you cry; and my response is, do you know what they need? and have you told them what you need?

2. Finding the boss’s currency

We all have currencies, those things that are important to us and ‘count’ in relationship. Bosses
currenices are likely to be some of the following:

• Commitment to the stated vision
• Doing things ‘the right way’
• Offering help without being asked
• Doing things faster than expected
• Providing information that they need
• Having a skill the boss does not have
• Acknowledging the bosses contribution to the organisation
• Activities that build the bosses reputation
• Using your contacts to expedite a task
• Expressing gratitude for anything the boss gives
• Minimising discomforts and distractions for the boss

Noticing which currencies the boss responds to and paying them in these currencies cost you a little in time and energy but sets up reciprocity.

3.Reciprocity

When something does something for us we feel consciously or unconsciously obliged to reciprocate.
Reciprocation is the number one principle of influence, why else do you think marketing campaigns offer you a free gift? If your boss ‘owes’ you first then you can assertively ask for what you want.

4.Assertiveness

We are most influential when we frame our influence with confidence and conviction. So using formula
for influencing your boss might look and sound like the following:

“Boss [use their name] I understand that x [insert currency or bosses pet project] is important to you and to do this I believe that we should [insert your suggestion here].”

“Boss [use their name] I appreciate that x [insert currency or bosses pet project] is important to you and to achieve this I will need [insert your request here].”

It is my experience that most employees underestimate their ability to Influence Without Authority, whether this is with their boss or their peers; believe you can influence and you will find a way.

Did you find these strategies useful? Do you have a success story on influencing your boss? Please share your stories.

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Managers and leaders are ultimately responsible for the results that they achieve through people, it is therefore essential that they understand the principles involved in raising the performance of their people and teams.

The formula in the above diagram that brings the essential components into focus and causes us to realise that if; expectations, ability or attitude are at zero then results will be too.

The first key to performance and results is to set expectations and it my experience that this is an area that can usually be improved. Most managers know about SMART goals:

Specific: And clear enough for employees to carry out the task.

Measurable: By quality, quantity, cost or timeliness.

Achievable: Within the influence control, capacity, knowledge, skills and authority of the employees.

Realistic: In terms of ability, the goal must also be relevant to the individual, team and organisation.

Time Bound: Must include specific timeline for achievement.

Even with this knowledge only about 20% of managers set SMART Goals for their direct reports. A common misconception is that goals must be numeric but they can be behavioural and qualitative providing clear expectations are set; for example if you want one of your managers to listen more to internal stakeholders the goal might be:

“Can we agree that you will improve your listening skills in stakeholder meetings (S) and that we would know this has occurred when you are speaking less than 50% of the time and can accurately articulate their needs, wants and drivers to me at the end of the meeting (M). To do this is up to you and you can role model how I have done this at previous meetings (A). Achieving this will not only be of benefit to our relationship with stakeholders but will position you to take on more responsibility in the future (R). Can we agree that you will have achieved this by our next review meeting in two months? (T)”

Setting expectations that stretch the employee coupled with a belief that they can achieve these goals creates a ‘Pygmalion Effect.’ The Pygmalion effect is phenomena in which the greater the expectation that is placed on the individual the better they perform. Most people have experienced this effect when a teacher or lecturer believed in them more than they believed in themselves; the result was that they excelled in that topic (see the graphic).

If an employee lacks the ability to do the task then it shouldn’t have been delegated to them until they have received sufficient on-the-job or classroom training to be able to perform to the required standard.

Attitude can be a more challenging problem to solve as it requires the skills to uncover what the employee really values and align this to the company’s values and vision (to be addressed in a future post). Herzberg listed the common de-motivators (hygiene factor) as poor working conditions, insufficient pay and benefits, boredom or poor relationship with supervisor. Jack Welch said, “People join good companies, but leave bad managers.”

When an employee has a bad attitude we must enquire what is important to them and check that the hygiene factors are addressed. Often we need to look in the mirror because the reason for their poor attitude is there relationship with us.

In summary performance in individuals or teams can usually be increased 20 to 30% by addressing the factors of expectation, ability and attitude. Can you afford not to make the change?

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The ability to speak effectively to small or large audiences is a vital competency for manager and leaders and yet this competency is often lacking.

As a Certified Professional Speaker myself, I have spoken to thousands of people over the years and experienced the first hand what to do and what not to do with an audience. As an executive coach I have trained and coached hundred’s of managers who were previously tongue tied to connect with the audience and deliver their message effectively; so allow me to share with you a secret of public and professional speaking:

There is no such thing as an audience

The biggest mistake that novice speaker make is to imagine their perspective audience as critical or hostile. Creating this mental picture of a group united in their disapproval of you will create a state of anxiety in even the strongest of heart.

Accomplished speakers realise that an audience, small or large, is made up of individuals just like you. Each individual has needs and wants and can change their state from boredom to curiosity. If you connect to their needs and wants and create a sense of curiosity they will be on the edge of thier seats.

So the first key to successful public or professional speaking is to break down your audience into a group of individuals and preferably know what it is they want before you deliver your topic.

Most of the work in speaking is not the speech itself but the research and preparation before the speech. Only speak “off the cuff” if you know your topic backwards and know exactly who you are talking to.

As you present make eye contact, smile and imagine you are having a conversation with a group of friends or colleagues. Will it still be nerve wracking? Perhaps but the only way to get better at it is to practice at every opportunity. Remember, as we move up through an organisation, we are paid less for what we do an more for what we influence others to do. Speaking in public is a core competency for influence.

If you are interested in professional speaking training or coaching please contact us.

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I was greeted at the company by the company’s communications manager who was to show me to the boardroom to meet the CEO. She politely asked me if she could get me anything, perhaps thinking I might need a tea or coffee. My response was, “well actually, I intend to break at about 3pm, could you possibly get me a sandwich as I am starving!” She looked somewhat surprised but at 3:00pm exactly a 12 inch Subway sandwich arrived in the boardroom.

Giving the CEO the opportunity to take a bathroom break I hungrily bit into the sandwich only to be surprised by the fact it was full of jalapeno chillies! Now I normally like spicy food, but it was the surprise that got me. At the end of the day when showing me out, I asked her whether the jalapenos were revenge for being asked to get me a sandwich, “Oh no”, she replied, “I just had it made the way I like it.”

I use this story in trainings to make the point that most often we communicate the way we like to be communicated to. If you prefer people to be direct, you will speak directly – If you prefer people to build a case you will build a case. So a common communication mistake is not considering your audience and communicating in your default or preferred style.

I provide influence training for an international bank and I find that I really need to stress the importance of a flexible approach to communication. Since the client is a bank I use the analogy that everyone has a PIN (personal identification number) that will unlock their resistance and allow you to communicate with them and, mixing my metaphors, each person broadcasts their SSID (a wireless access point identifier) to tell you how to log on to their network.

Leaders, managers, coaches and trainers need to learn to read people’s preferred communication style in order to adapt their communication in order to be understood. It may be arrogance or even stupidity to expect others to always adapt to you. There is a direct correlation between communication and productivity and so your results in work or life will depend on your ability to get a message across.

Can you learn to read people and adapt your communication to get better results? The answer is, of course “yes” So to help you get started here is a list of things to avoid:

Common Communication Mistakes

• Being directive when you want buy in
• Using “I” when you want team effort
• Using “You” when you want to resolve conflict
• Being aggressive or submissive (assertive is the alternative)
• Attempting to influence when your are unclear what you want
• Not finding out what’s important to the other party
• Using only logic without emotion
• Using only emotion without some logic
• Talking down to people
• Asking questions and not listening to the answer

So if you find yourself using any of the above or are not getting the results you want in life and business, then why not contact us to find out how to become an effective and influential communicator?

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1. Modeling Behaviour

Every parent knows that children are great mimics, they watch you like a hawk and duplicate your behaviour. This can be amusing, as when Tasha first started painting her nails after watching my wife or Nathan picking up my tennis racket and saying, “like daddy.” The dark side of this modeling is when children mimic the aggressive behaviour of adults, which was demonstrated by  Dr. Albert Bandura with the Bobo Doll experiment and is evidenced in war torn areas of the world where children carry weapons.

Adults to0 model behaviour which is why the leaders of any team or organisation must “walk the talk”, they must be the model for the behaviours they wish to see duplicated. Talk is cheap – action is real.

2. Validation

Both Tasha and Nathan like to clap themselves when they do something right and they both beam when Zurina and I give them praise. As a leadership consultant I know how important it is that I continue to praise even moderately good performance as research by Dr Ethna Reid shows that teachers who get the best results, validate regularly. Successful teachers also alternate between teaching and questioning (testing) for comprehension.

In leadership and management in a hectic paced world it is all too easy to criticise poor performance and to tell rather than ask. In our leadership for managers program, we emphasise and rehearse the arts of validation and asking good questions.

3. Story Telling

Children love stories and interpret our cultural moral code from those stories. Tasha knows who are the good princesses (coutesy of Disney) and who is the evil queen, Nathan is learning from Thomas the Tank Engine that when you break the rules you go off the rails, he even exclaims very loudly “oh no!” when this happens.

Effective leaders also tell stories that let their followers know what the vision and culture of the organisation is. These stories get retold and strongly influence the behaviour of the team or workforce. When I was teaching coaching skills at Singapore Airlines I noticed how they regularly used stories of  exemplary customer service to validate and reinforce the behaviour of going the extra mile service (GEMS).

Perhaps you have other Leadership Principles you have learned from children – feel free to share.

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It is a bit like if you were in a boat and have set your course, but the boat springs a leak and you spend your whole time bailing water and have no time to steer.

William Bridges created a model of change and transition that is highly relevant in today’s financial readjustment. When the collapse of Lehman Brothers started the domino effect of the global crisis, many of us would have experienced first shock, then denial, anger and fear. If you lost money or a job you might then experience grief, frustration, confusion, stress and loss of control.

As an executive coach and leadership consultant I have often witnessed this spiraling down into paralysis that Bridges calls the ‘neutral zone’. Symptoms of the neutral zone include ambiguity, anxiety and the absence of motivation. The cure for this paralysis is a new vision of what is possible.

Einstein said that, “A problem cannot be solved with the same level of thinking that created the problem.” When in the neutral zone, we are in a dark place and our ability to think optimistically and see possibilities is severely limited. What is required is a little magic, the magic of imagination. All of human achievement started with imagination, from running a mile in under 4 minutes, to imagining what it would be like on the top of Mount Everest to imagining walking on the surface of the moon.

A vision will inspire, motivate and engender creativity and it starts with using imagination to travel to the future when things will be better. The Executive who asks him/herself, “What is possible?” “What will we be doing when things are better?” To do achieve this we must take time to stop bailing the water in the boat and look to the shore. Most executives find this extremely difficult as they leave themselves little or no time to stop, step back and think strategically.

With a new vision of where you are going, you and your people will become more optimistic, think creatively and start planning actions that will move you towards success.

It was no surprise that Barack Obama beat John McCain; Dr Martin Seligman in his book ‘Learned Optimism’ talks about his analysis of US elections based on the number of positive or optimistic comments made by the candidates. Obama clearly offered a more optimistic view of the future and thus captured the popular vote.

Obama is being called a transformational leader because he:

1. Created a vision that inspired the American voters (and the world) to believe that there were new possibilities.

2. Stimulates people to think, to re-examine their ideas and find creative alternatives. Such an environment breeds imagination and innovation.

3. Treats people as individuals making people feel valued and encouraging them to contribute. He recognizes that people have unique talents, strengths and weakness and allowing for these differences without judgment.

The transformational leader must have what I like to call ‘realistic optimism’ which is a practical and pragmatic approach that is ideally suited to the current climate. Realistic optimism is the mindset that we can make the best of any circumstance; it is the acceptance that bad things do happen but with a healthy self-esteem and the confidence in our abilities we can overcome adversity, learn from the situation and be even better for the experience.

Optimism without right actions and following sound principles will not be enough. Lehman Brothers failed because of over-optimism and the senior management not being in alignment with their own company’s vision and values.

In the current climate it is tempting to focus on immediate need and make tactical rather than strategic decisions; I urge you to step back for a moment, get in touch with your personal or company vision and ask yourself, “Is this decision the right one for the long term?”

Andrew Bryant is the Director of Self Leadership International and is based in Singapore but travels extensively as an executive coach and leadership consultant.

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Have you ever wondered why some people get what they want and others don’t?

Can I make a suggestion?

Remember a time when you really wanted something; something you couldn’t have right away but something you would have to wait for, you pictured it in your head, you imagined what it would feel like to possess it and you could feel the pull.

Now I don’t know what you imagined but if you did remember something, as I suggested you will have got in touch with a feeling; notice that feeling.

Creating imagination and feeling is the the secret power of influence.

It works like this; your brain was triggered to locate a memory or an imagination and finds the associated feeling that it has stored with this. Your brain is a huge neural network of associations and these associations are linked to your feelings and your feelings motivate you to act.

Knowing how the mind works is the secret to influence and creating the right associations in the minds of others will help you to get whatever it is you want. Do you want to sell more?  Motivate your employees? Get your children to come home on time? Find a special partner?

I have been interested in influence for many years and studied NLP, Neuro-Semantics, Cognitive Behaviourism and Hypnosis to understand how to communicate more effectively and to achieve my goals. When I first met my wife, I knew I had only one chance to make a first impression. It was a crowded environment and I needed to create a positive association and give her a reason to see me again. Using all my best influence skills I succeeded, and we now have two gorgeous children, Tasha and Nathan. Now my need for influence skills has increased! – if you have kids you will agree.

Having learned the secrets of influence it is now my pleasure to share these concepts with you. I have worked with companies to help their sales teams connect with customers, with their managers to influence performance and with coaches to facilitate change; I have even helped people to get a pay rise.

When teaching the power of influence I find most people grossly underestimate their ability to influence an outcome and are wasting opportunities. Moreover many people are creating negative associations that are creating the exact opposite of what they want.

Here is an example of negative associations. A good friend of ours is a committed doctor who wants to influence teenagers to make informed choices about sex and asked me to speak to the teenagers and coach their parents at a public forum. Consider how a parent’s good intentions could backfire if they don’t understand influence; telling a child that, “You can’t have sex until you are an adult,” can get linked in the mind as, “Having sex makes me an adult.”

Minds are amazing things – they create all sorts of associations, or cause-effect mental maps and not all of them are accurate. For example a phobic might associate snakes with danger to the point where they don’t want to leave the house. They have created a horror movie in their mind and this is creating feelings that paralyse. Just talking to this person won’t work – you have to demonstrate that their mental map is not accurate. This can be done by vicarious experience – having them watch someone else hold the snake.

Vicarious experience can create new mental maps as we role model the person engaged in a particular behaviour. This morning I was role modeling my tennis coach as he showed me a serve, then I tried to experience the same thing myself. So after watching others hold a non-poisonous snake, phobics are able to visualise themselvea holding the snake and finally able to take action and hold it themselves.

So in summary; to positively influence someone:

1. Create an image in their minds of them doing the required behaviour. This can be done by telling a story about someone, like them, that has engaged in that behaviour.
2. If possible show them someone else who is doing the behaviour you want to influence them to do.
3. Invite them to do the required behaviour and praise them for even the slightest positive action

Why else do you think that car salesman wants you to test drive the car and tells you how good you look when you do?

If you want to know more about coaching for influence, feel free to contact us.

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These are perennial questions in the field of leadership development and the answers vary depending on who you talk to.

The concept of a leadership pipeline is that as we start supervising/managing we will be more transactional (performance management) and as we move up through the organisation we will become more transformational (visionary/inspiring).

In reality the modern manager must be adept at both transactional and transformational leadership and the the earlier s/he can do both the more successful they will be.

Transactional Leadership is classic management – organising people and resources towards agreed corporate goals. The four elements of transactional leadership are:

1. Goal Setting – creating specific, measurable, acheivable targets that focus effort in line with the corporate vision.
2. Monitoring Performance – making sure goals are achieved. Providing regular performance reviews either in a structured or fluid fashion.
3. Providing Feedback – letting people know how they are doing relevant to the target/benchmark. Good  feedback must be understood, believed and accepted.
4. Developing Careers – By demonstrating genuine interest in others needs, interests and desires. Being able to connect individual aspirations with the needs of the organisation.

Transformational Leadership style  is where the manager engages with others in such a way that the leader and followers raise one another to higher levels of motivation and purpose. The three elements of transformational leadership are:

1. Creating a Vision – motivating, inspiring and influencing others to see a new possibilities for themselves and the company. A clear vision creates passion, commitment and focus.
2. Stimulating the Environment – creating a positive and challenging work environment that causes people to think, re-examine their ideas and find creative alternatives. Such an environment breeds imagination and innovation.
3. Treating People as Individuals -making people feel valued and encouraging them to contribute. Recognising that people have unique talents, strengths and weakness and allowing for these differences without judgment.

Burns (1978) first introduced the concepts of transformational and transactional leadership in his treatment of political leadership – and I wonder what you think of the graphic I chose and the difference in style between former President George W. Bush and President Barack Obama?

At Self Leadership International we use the transactional/transformational leadership concept with it’s seven competencies as part of executive coaching and leadership development programmes. We are based in Singapore but work in Australia, Malaysia, India and the Middle East.

We have a public workshop – Leadership for Managers in Singapore, April 2009.

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Confidence is a key success factor for modern managers and leaders and yet many lack confidence in the following areas:

1. Managing downwards when subordinates have higher qualifications or are qualified in a different discipline
2. Influencing peers or external stakeholder when there is no direct authority
3. Managing upwards even in a matrix organisation

I had two meetings in Singapore this week where Senior Leaders highlighted a need for increased confidence in the above areas, but I don’t think this issue is just related to Singapore.

With all three scenarios the key to confidence is personal power. Personal Power is like self leadership, it comes from knowing who you are and what’s important and exercising the right to choose.

When managing downwards, managers need to remember Henry Ford who said, “The generalist will always employ the specialist.” The manager doesn’t need to know everything about everyone’s discipline they need to know how to engage smart people to get the job done. Highly specialised people often miss the big picture and don’t connect outside of their discipline. The good leader knows a bit about a lot of different things and can therefore use the best skills or combination of skills within the team to get the job done.

Confidence to influence laterally comes from believing that your idea is a good one and knowing how to communicate the benefits of this idea or action to the other parties. In an age of social networking we should feel confident to socialise our ideas, after all, it is not the best ideas that get adopted but the best supported ideas.

To confidently and successfully manage upwards requires the manager or emerging leader to perceive their superior as a colleague rather than a boss. I don’t mean do away with respect or be over-familiar, but to realise that they are both subservient to the vision of the business/company. Just like influencing laterally, ideas that are framed as beneficial to the business will be well received.

When we succeed a something it builds confidence but we must have the confidence to attempt before we can succeed. If you require confidence to attempt something for the first time, remember Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance – so prepare and then as Nike says, “Just Do It!”

This doesn’t guarantee success everytime but with confidence we know we can receive feedback, learn from our mistakes and do better next time.

BTW this Blog has just made it to the top 100 leadership Blogs

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