Self Leadership Coaching Blog » personal change http://selfleadership.com/blog Thoughts and Techniques for achieving Self Leadership in life and work Tue, 20 Jul 2010 04:52:22 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 en hourly 1 Learning from Pain – The Gift of Feedback http://selfleadership.com/blog/topic/leadership/learning-from-pain-the-gift-of-feedback/ http://selfleadership.com/blog/topic/leadership/learning-from-pain-the-gift-of-feedback/#comments Sun, 01 Feb 2009 00:49:50 +0000 Andrew Bryant, CSP http://selfleadership.com/blog/?p=475 tennisA key principle of self leadership is the ability to notice and then respond effectively to feedback.

As I write this blog post I am aware of the pain in my wrist from playing tennis. I have only just started to play tennis; I used to play squash and so I am used to flicking my wrist to get the shot. Flicking your wrist in tennis is not the correct technique and doesn’t deliver the required result; in fact, the result is pain. Now I can focus on the pain or I can focus on the message it is giving me – “correct your grip.”

Life is like a game of tennis (not a box of chocolates, sorry Forest Gump), if you don’t have the right technique you will get various forms of feedback (pain being the most obvious). Our current financial crisis is extremely painful, because we did not head the warning signs of incorrect technique in the use of credit. The thing about pain is that you can ignore it for a while and even mask it with painkillers but eventually if you don’t change the way you do things – the pain comes back and worse.

The self leadership principle of responding to feedback applies in every aspect of our lives. We have a choice, notice and respond or live for a while in denial and pay the price later. Here are some examples:

•    The remaining balance on your credit card is going up each month – get another credit card or adjust spending?
•    Your weight is going up and your clothes don’t fit – buy new clothes or adjust your exercise and eating?
•    You argue with your partner, followed by long silences – get a new partner or sit down and openly discuss issues?
•    Your job seems to be taking you nowhere – bitch and moan or examine your skills and contribution to the business?

Now these examples may seem rather obvious but I chose them to illustrate the principle – our actions have reactions and if we notice these reactions (feedback) we can adjust our actions to move more effectively towards our goals.

As a coach I often find myself facilitating my clients to notice feedback that they have previously been blind to. The coaching question to ask yourself is, “Are my actions getting the results I want?” and if the answer is No, then, “What actions do I need to get the results I want?”

My personal mantra is, “Blessed are the flexible for they shall not get bent out of shape!” Yes feedback can be painful but if you have the flexibility to make changes you will improve.

Anyone for tennis?

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