From a self-leadership perspective, the answer lies in the question – to change we must change our ‘selves’. ‘Self’  is a matrix of frames of mind which includes our self beliefs and values which make up our ‘identify’ and we tend to conform to our identity. In short you behave to meet your expectations of how your ‘see’ yourself.

Ignoring the philosophical problem of who is the self that sees the self, the key to making a change in behaviour and a resoltion that sticks is to see your self in a new way.

In Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) there is technique known as the SWISH pattern and Positive Psychology has a similar intervention known as Best Possible Self.

The Swish works by imagining yourself as “the you for whom there is no problem”. For example if you procrastinate to exercise, overspend on  your credit card or lack confidence with new people, then you construct a ‘mental image’ of the you that can easily and successfully handle these, and other, situations. Once you have a rich and comprehensive idea of what the ‘new you’ would look like, sound like and feel like, you ‘step into’ this identity and believe and value this as the you that will move into the future.

Best Possible Self is similar with a diary option. 1 ) Imagine yourself in the future. 2) Imagine everything has gone about as well as it could have, and you have gotten most of the things that are important to you. 3) Spend 10 to 20 minutes of free writing describing this person.

You have heard of self-fulfilling prophesy, so why not write the prophesy you want fulfilled? Personally I am going to combine both techniques to ensure my 2011 is my best year ever. What about you?

NLP is a model of how humans think, feel, behave and communicate. When NLP was developed in the 1970′s by Bandler and Grinder it was a radical departure from the field of psychology, which at the time was focused more on human dysfunction than peak performance.

Today, with the acceptance of positive psychology, NLP appears less radical can be viewed as an excellent framework for learning to communicate effectively, to model people and systems and to design strategies for peak performance. Learning NLP can improve the performance of athletes, sales people, business people, coaches, trainers, teachers, therapists and parents.

NLP for Consulting, Training and Coaching

I use NLP and NeuroSemantics in my consulting, training and coaching and I enjoy sharing the technology through public programs that I hold in Singapore and other parts of SE Asia. You can get a list of the upcoming programs by clicking here. I highly recommend NLP Communication and  Coaching Essentials which is the first 3-day of a NLP Practitioner program and covers how to communicate and coach effectively plus we are conducting  a full NLP Master Practitioner training in October.

NLP  Association of Singapore Video

If you like watching videos on YouTube then you can watch part of my presentation to the Singapore NLP Association.

Since the 1970s, futurists have been telling us that the world is changing, that the change itself is changing, and that the changing change is also accelerating.  And much of this change is how the world is getting smaller.  When I first read Alvin Tofler in the 1970s (Future Shock), it seemed like science fiction, but no longer.  The predictions that life on this planet would one day be like a village, a global village—that day seems to have arrived.  Thomas L. Friedman calls this “the flattening of the world” in The World is Flat (2005).  In that book he identifies ten “flatteners” beginning with the fall of the Berlin Wall to the introduction of Windows to open-sourcing, outsourcing, offshoring, insourcing, and so on.

The world is not only smaller, it is faster.  News today occurs on thousands of cable and internet channels—24/7 / 360 days of the year.  News today travels around the world not merely in hours or even minutes, but in seconds.  In moments, information about political crisis, armed invasions, tsunamias, earthquakes, Britany Spears, the price of oil, a suicide bomb explosion, etc. can be in our email inboxes and on hundreds of news programs.  So today we have the “soft” science of economics is governed by other “soft” sciences (psychology, linguistics, wealth, etc.) that is now influenced and affected by more and more variables.  And that means the world is becoming more and more systemic.

As a soft science, economics is influenced as much by beliefs, frames-of-mind, representations, interpretations, emotions, values, states and meta-states as it is by anything tangible like houses or mortgages.  What is the value of a house?  Above and beyond the materials that go into the construction and its cost, the supply of houses, the demand for them, the value depends on what people think, how much they want them, how much sellers think they can ask for, etc.  It depends on fallible human states and meta-states.  That’s why they can be so over-valued that they can mess up the economy.

Similarly with the human decision to lend money to a buyer for a mortgage.  It depends on the criteria they set for determining who they can trust to be dependable in repaying the loan.  And once a mortgage company creates a subprime loan for people with no or little down payment, who don’t have the financial resources, but who believe that the value of the house will increase at such a rate that it will have, say $100,000 equity in 12 months, and then someone sells these high return loans to Wall Street who then offers them on a world market … then people can believe and feel confident about returns, and borrow more money on the assumed value of the increased and increasing equity and somewhere along the line we all move to La-La land assuming that if we believe it or think it, it will happen.

Then reality hits.  The balloon payment on the loan comes due and people begin to default on their loans.  This lowers the confident feelings of others about the loans, which is communicated by the sensational bad-news “News” organizations thereby creating more fear and worry about the home mortgage market, then a negative spiral begins and suddenly market value drops around the world.  And the nature of the world— smaller, faster, and more systemic is amplifying all of this.

There’s now one more quality.  It is more psychological. Did you notice the number of states and meta-states in these descriptions?  How many did you notice?  We call all of this economics, yet it is actually psycho-economics. The psycho- part is the role of people’s assumptions and interpretations of value or dis-value, their emotional states of confidence or fear, of optimism or apprehensiveness and how these states play such a critical role in economics.

Apparently the banking industry has lost a trillion dollars worth of value and the US Congress has voted to spend more than a trillion dollars to deal with it.  A trillion dollars!  How much is that?  On one program someone said that if you had a trillion dollars in one dollar bills, it would be 67.8 miles tall (over 100 kilometers).  Or if you went out on a spending spree — and you could spend a million dollars a day (a million!!) — and you started today, it would take you more than 2,000 years to spend it.

Okay, so if the economy or the banks lost a trillion dollars, where did all of that money go?  Who got it?  The weird thing is that much of it didn’t go anywhere.  Much of it existed on paper as a record of the way people were thinking, expecting, valuing, feeling confident or worried, etc.  One day people made certain evaluations about their trust and confidence in certain homes, businesses, markets, and futures and presto— there was a trillion dollars of value.  At a later time, they lost confidence—and a trillion dollars of value disappeared.

What is this downturn about?  Perhaps it is just a market correction, perhaps it is another aspect of the flattening of the world, perhaps it is a call to recognize the role of our meta-states in creating our social realities.  Whatever it is, it is a call to your resilience, state management, and ability to know that your highest asset is your ability to add value.

I think it is also a call for a belief in responsible abundance.  That is, if our psycho-economics play such a crucial role in all of this, we now have to resist the temptation to play into the hands of the negative press.  It is the psychology of the press to sensationalize whatever they can and turn facts into negative catastrophes.  After all, if in the small, fast, systemic, and psychological world—our beliefs, fears, worries, hopes, optimism, resilience (and many other states and meta-states) are now key factors determining whether we set in motion a negative downward spiraling or an upward positive spiraling —then we have to be more responsible to fear-mongering, fear-spreading, negative-forecasting and more committed to intelligent optimism that fosters resilience, persistence, and hope.

What’s needed is an army of people committed to actualizing their own potentials and those of others.  What’s needed is a community of people who believe in an abundance of possibilities and potentials—if people are given a chance.  What’s needed are a global village of people who will resist the negatively-oriented media and do their part to unleash more and more possibilities.

You have! Wow that’s good I thought it was just me

To make error is human, we all screw up or we are not living.

As I write this blog I can still feel the fresh emotion of embarrasment from a recent mistake. Yesterday  I posted on a forum and had not framed my communication in line with my intention. The result was that I was publically attacked for what was perceived as a ‘superior and glib’ attitude.

When we are attacked our first reactions are to fight or run but with self leadership we can choose our response and learn from a situation.

My self leadership which creates self-awareness, caught my first thought of vengeance for the attack, and asked the question, “is this useful?”

My immediate second thought was, “how can I hide this mistake?” and again my self leadership asked the question, “is this useful?”

Once my reactivity has settled I was able to assess the situation.

• Could my post be perceived in the way my attacker said? – yes, I can now how see how it could.
• Have I made a mis-take? – yes.
• Am I perfect? – no, I am human.
• Can I learn from this – yes, this is valuable feedback, perhaps I do have the potential for a superior attitude and this is not in line with my highest intention. This is something to work on.
• What is the best response? – Aplogise, explain my intention but make no excuses, change my behaviour.

By sharing my thought process I hope I have illustrated a method to handle mis-takes.

1. Don’t react
2. Accept that you are human and not perfect
3. Aplogise and make amends
4. Learn from the experience

It has often been said that, “If we are not making mistakes, we are not doing anything worthwhile.” I would agree with this sentiment as I think we learn more from our mistakes than our successes; unfortunately we live in cultures that are often intolerant to mistakes and these are cultures that don’t learn.

Perhaps it is true that without the self leadership to handle mistakes we will never be happy and without the courage to make mistakes we will never have leaders.

(copyright Andrew Bryant, no reproduction without permission – thank you)

Self-esteem podcast

How’s your self-esteem today?

Are you feeling super-good about yourself?

Or do you feel like yesterday’s take-out food that has been left out in the rain?

Have you been judging or criticising yourself? Or have you been considering yourself less ‘worthy’ than someone else?

If you are not feeling super-good about yourself right now, or you know someone suffering from low self-esteem, then read on and discover the keys to building a healthy self-esteem.

When was the last time you touched your self-esteem? What colour is it? How much does it weigh? These are ridiculous questions because your self-esteem is not actually a thing, it’s a process and to understand and work with self-esteem we must remember this.

The word ‘esteem’ means ‘value’, and so we can think of this process as self-valuing or valuing self. Also by being aware of the first word ‘self’ we come to the realisation that self-esteem can only come from self valuing and not from others valuing you. Seeking our value from others is a common trap that leads to very unsatisfactory results because, by it’s very nature, self-esteem can never be achieved by seeking the approval of others. Paradoxically we get the most approval or regard from others when we are healthily self-valuing.

It’s a funny thing that we can accept a lot of things in life such as a rainy day, when we wanted it to be fine or a friend postponing an appointment, but we have difficulty accepting ourselves.

When was the last time you just accepted yourself for being you? You are unique, nobody can be you, you have nothing more to do to be you – can you accept that? What would it be like to accept yourself unconditionally? You would then be accepted at more places than Mastercard.

Now you may still feel the need to judge or measure yourself by what you do – most of us have been well conditioned to do this by our school system. Stop for a moment and consider a newborn baby. If you have actually been at the birth of your own child then this will be even more powerful. At the moment of birth, what can this new human being do? The answer is nothing, unless you count crying. Having acknowledged that a newborn can do nothing – how much do we value it? Answer – hugely. It is impossible to put a price on how much we value a new baby. Understanding that you were once a newborn and therefore came into this world with inherent value – what has happened that has caused you to devalue yourself?

I have coached many clients who have shared with me the traumatic events that have caused them to take an external criteria/measure and apply it to their sense of self and then draw the erroneous conclusion “I’m no good”. The fundamental but common error is to confuse your actions with who you are.

Healthy Self-Esteem Key #1- Valuing self over actions

In Neuro-Semantics – the cognitive behavioural science of how we make meaning and store that meaning in our mind and bodies which creates our actions – we teach that the first key to healthy self-esteeming is to identify your ‘self’ from what you do (your actions). This is the difference between human-being and human-doing. You are a human being (as yet I am not aware that my articles are read on other planets), and as such you are a member of the human race. Unlike other races, the Olympics, the Commonwealth Games, there are no qualifying rounds to get in – you are a human being and you are accepted.

Healthy Self-Esteem Key #2 – We are not responsible for others

The second key is to accept that you are not responsible ‘FOR’ how others think and feel – that’s their job. We may be responsible ‘TO’ them in terms of some relationship, but we are not responsible ‘FOR’ how they think and feel.
Healthy Self-Esteem Key #3 – Letting go of the past

Everyone has said something or done something that they have later regretted but this does not decrease their value as a person, the past does not equal the future and we all contain within us the power of choice – the choice to value ourselves and to choose new thoughts, new feelings, new speech and new behaviours.

Healthy Self-Esteem Key #4 – Stop de-valuing yourself

What will stop you actualizing your potential is you de-valuing your self. Realise that if that has occurred in the past that it is within your power to stop, and begin to accept and appreciate yourself today, and everyday – warts ‘n’ all.

Self-esteeming is like showering – you have to do it everyday or you start to stink! So I invite you now to accept your self, as separate from your actions. And as you accept that you are a unique human being, perhaps you can start to appreciate the potential that you have. No one can be you like you can; you have a unique contribution to make just by being on the planet at this time.

The self-esteeming process described in this post is taught at our Coaching Genius trainings, see the diary for the next one.

Later there may be further indigestion as we receive credit card bills that reflect our genorisity to ourselves and others.

Whether we are happy or sad this boxing day morning depends not on the quality of the presents or the size of the hangover but on the quality of the relationships we enjoy.

My Christmas started well, when on it’s eve I connected with a long lost friend on Facebook and then received messages from others far away. Later that day we had an open house and friends old and new graced us with their presence rather than their presents.

Christmas morning commenced with the ritual present opening under the tree with the children with it’s mixture of joy and tears as one siblings present was envied by another; and after we cleared away the wrapping paper we headed off to a hotel for a champagne brunch – all very decadent but it was the company that made it.

So as I reflect on the last 48 hours, I have to admit I am a fan of Christmas; not for the tree and the tinsel or the mad crowds in the shops, but because despite the rampant commercialism it reminds us that what makes us happy is friends and family.

May your friends and family be safe and close in 2009.

(Copyright Andrew Bryant – no reproduction without permission, thank you)

I have defined Self leadership as having a developed sense of who you are, what you can do, where you are going coupled with the ability to manage your communication,  emotions and behaviour on the way to getting there. Another definitions is, “the process by which you influence yourself to achieve your objectives.”

Self leadership equates to the leadership competencies of Self Observation and Self Management but most importantly Self-leadership impacts all aspect of  your life, your health, your career and your relationships.

Listen to Self leadership podcastFor Self leadership to occur we have met our survival needs of food and shelter and begin to look for meaning in our lives. The first skill of self leadership is to STOP and STEP BACK from the things that trigger us to react; because when we react we are being controlled by the trigger. The second skill is to consider our INTENTION. Intention is what is important to us, our values and what we are trying to achieve. By being intentional we can start to live a life of choice.

The above diagram can serve as simple illustration of the points of leverage for developing our self leadership. Intention precedes any behaviour (action). Actions have effects which we evaluate via feedback. A difference between the expected outcome (intention) and the feedback causes us to feel emotions. The meanings we make of these emotions can reinforce, reduce or distort our intentions.

To make sense of this in your own life, consider something you are trying to achieve right now such as getting healthy, increasing your wealth or developing a relationship.

Start with translating your intentions into appropriate actions.

• What is it you want to achieve?
• What actions do you need to take to achieve this?

Once action has been taken it is necessary to be receptive to the feedback that the world will give in response to your action/s. The quality of the feedback is essential – the sooner you receive it, the sooner you can make adjustments. Beware your conditioned filters that might cause you to interpret feedback as criticism or to be selective about what you take notice of.

• What are the results of your actions?
• Is this feedback accurate?
• Am I filtering the feedback?

The feedback we receive causes us sensations/emotions from which we make meaning.

• What am I feeling?
• What does this mean?
• What else could this mean?

By asking these self coaching questions you pave the way for a rapid feedback loop that will enable you to make the adjustments required in your communication/behaviour to achieve your outcome. If problems arise start first by checking your intention, then your behaviour, then the feedback and finally your emotions.

(This blog is copyright Andrew Bryant. Unauthorized duplication prohibited. Use Only with Permission. Thank you.)

NLP allows you to do jut this because NLP (Neuro linguistic program) is an instruction manual on how to run your own brain. It also allows us to communicate effectively with others even if they have a different software configuration.‘Neuro’ refers to our mind-body system and recognises that communication is so much more than words. When we give or receive information our neurology and our physiology is affected. We re-present reality on the screen of our mind.

‘Linguistic’ refers to the way that words create meanings when they are used to communicate. Humans are meaning making machines and are eager to make ‘sense’ of any communication. In the urgency to make meanings from events or communication, dis-empowering conclusions are often drawn.

‘Programming’ infers that we can take control of this process and run it more effectively, just like computer software. With NLP, if something is not working for you it is possible to re-program your neurology and physiology to behave in a different and more empowering way.

The term Neuro Linguistic has been around since the 1930′s but in the late 1960′s and early 70′s Richard Bandler and John Grinder modeled some the language patterns of three effective therapists (Satir, Perls and Erickson) and coined the term Neurolinguistic Programming or NLP for short.

NLP is essentially a model of learning and demonstrates that we can model human thinking, behaviour and communication.

Initially the Neuro Linguisitic Programming model was used in therapy, but today NLP has many applications:

* NLP for business
* NLP for sales
* NLP for coaching
* NLP for communication
* NLP for training and education
* NLP for personal development

NLP takes a very different attitude from some of the old psychologies. In NLP, we do not start from the assumption that people are broken and need to be fixed; instead, in NLP, we assume the opposite – that people work perfectly well, that they have all the resources that they need, and that the only problem isn’t with them, but with their programming which can be changed (updated).

NeuroSemantics is a new model of NLP that emerged in 1995, but more about this in another post.

(This blog is copyright Andrew Bryant. Unauthorized duplication prohibited. Use Only with Permission. Thank you.)

This program will equip you with the ability run your own brain, change mindsets and influence with integrity.

For full details of  our NLP Master Practitioner in  and Neuro Semantic Master Practitioner  in  Singapore 2009 visit:
http://www.selfleadership.com/NLP_master-practitioner.htm