Self Leadership Coaching Blog

I recently conducted ‘Critical Skills for Leaders and Senior Managers’ in Singapore and Malaysia; during these programs I surveyed the participants for their desired take-aways – 80% of the attendees wanted to know how to influence their boss.

Research has shown that the inability to build a successful relationship with the boss is a significant reason for managers failing or not reaching their full potential.

When I approach this topic I encounter a number of mindsets that lead to an inability to effectively influence, these include:

• My boss is autocratic
• My boss doesn’t listen to me
• I don’t want to jeopardise my career
• I have no power in the relationship
• My boss doesn’t give me time

Do any of these sound familiar? Continue Reading »

As a Leo/Ox I don’t believe much in hororscopes but with Chinese New Year celebrations in full swing I cannot ignore the current zeitgeist.

According to the Chinese Zodiac, the tiger is a symbol of power and authority and therefore leadership; unfortunately the style of leadership represented is poor on relationship.

Poor people leadership is something I encounter on a daily basis; just recently I was conducting a Coaching for Managers program and one senior manager told me his boss had refused to attend saying, “I don’t believe in that s#!t”

On the flip side I have been working with some great people, recently, who really believe in developing people-skills and are seeing the business results to confirm their belief.

If this is your first or fiftieth time reading this blog, I hope my posts, in some small way, make the Year of the Tiger profitable, productive and harmonious for you.

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

As a continuation of my previous blog post Permission to Succeed I wanted to share the story of a coaching client who was allowing a number of people, some no longer living, to control what he was or was not allowed to do. This man in his late 30’s did not have full permission to think for himself, to really choose the life he wanted. The anxiety this caused was seriously impeding his success.

With self leadership coaching he came to the powerful realisation that it his ‘Mind’ his ‘Choices’ and his ‘Life’.

If, like my client, you are lacking ‘permission’ by taking ownership and responsibility of your mind, your choices an your life puts you in the drivers seat and enables you to create the personal or business success you want.

Confirmation of this power to choose is the theme of the final part of The Matrix movie trilogy. The character Neo is able to triumph over Agent Smith when, after prompting from The Oracle, he re-discovers his power of choice.

Is there an area in your life or career that you have been saying “I have no choice”? I wonder what would happen if you were to take responsibility and say; “My mind, my choice, my life!”

My coaching client did take control and left a low paying, menial job and started traveling; he settled in Vietnam where he started a business and met the love of his life.

If you would like coaching to assist you achieve this positive and powerful choice then connect to a coach or attend one of our self leadership programs.

I am currently in the land of smiles (Thailand) teaching a leadership development program for a pharmaceutical company. At the end of the first day I wandered out of my hotel looking to stretch my legs and get something to eat. I chose a restaurant with al fresco dining so that I could watch the world go by.

The waitress arrived, and after taking my order ventured to practice her English by asking, “how are you tomorrow?” I smiled and chuckled and said that I intended to have a really good day tomorrow and that I was also having a good day today. Continue Reading »

Should is a signpost to our mental maps. When you say, “I should do this or I shouldn’t do that”, you are telling yourself and those who are listening about your personal ‘rules of behaviour’.

What is more interesting however are the ‘unsaid shoulds’.  When we get angry or upset it is most probably because somebody else has not complied with our ‘shoulds‘ or ‘shouldn’ts‘.

For example; if somebody pushes in front of you in a queue, do you feel angry? You do? Well that is because you (and me for that matter) believe that they shouldn’t push in.

Customer service is all about anticipating the expectation of should and shouldn’t. Last weekend I was taking my wife and children to see Barney (the pink dinosaur who dances!) at the Singapore Expo. Well firstly the car park was a nightmare, not enough spaces and people parking illegally and blocking traffic.  I could feel my stress levels rising as I knew I should get the kids to the show on time and that the expo SHOULD have provided enough parking.

I chose to drop my family at the entrance and go and find another car park, so after jogging back to the venue I was just in time for the show to start. My wife asked me to find two seat boosters for the kids and so I hurriedly set off in search of these only to be told by expo staff that they had run out of boosters and that I SHOULD have been there earlier!
Now I am not proud of my response to this situation because I raised my voice and told the girl that I had paid for the most expensive seats to see the damn dinosaur and I damn well think they SHOULD provide enough boosters!  In defense of the Singapore Expo or the organisers of Barney and Friends we were recompensed with two buckets of popcorn but it is another example of reacting to a ‘should’.

I have just stayed at an excellent hotel (The Grand Millennium Bangkok, Thailand) where my every need was anticipated. On check-in I was asked, “Should I need a wake up call and should I need a car to take me to the airport.” This hotel continued to impress me and I was reminded of how wonderful life is when the world meets or exceeds your mental maps.

The reason I was in Bangkok was to conduct a 3-day leadership program for senior managers and during that training I emphasised using the phrase, “what’s important to you about that?” This question uncovers a person’s values including their – ‘shoulds’. Knowing your own and other people’s mental map results in effective communication reduced conflict and increased influence.

So shouldn’t you get better at your shoulds?

Self Leadership International is a sponsor of the Singapore Human Resources Summit 2009. Continue Reading »

When I speak about leadership at a conference or workshop, I often talk about my children, Tasha (3 1/2) and Nathan (22 months). This is for a couple of reasons, firstly and selfishly because I am a proud father, secondly because it builds rapport with the audience and thirdly and most importantly because they are good examples of leadership and influence principles. In this blog post I wanted to share 3 such leadership principles.

1. Modeling Behaviour

Every parent knows that children are great mimics, they watch you like a hawk and duplicate your behaviour. This can be amusing, as when Tasha first started painting her nails after watching my wife or Nathan picking up my tennis racket and saying, “like daddy.” The dark side of this modeling is when children mimic the aggressive behaviour of adults, which was demonstrated by  Dr. Albert Bandura with the Bobo Doll experiment and is evidenced in war torn areas of the world where children carry weapons.

Adults to0 model behaviour which is why the leaders of any team or organisation must “walk the talk”, they must be the model for the behaviours they wish to see duplicated. Talk is cheap – action is real.

2. Validation

Both Tasha and Nathan like to clap themselves when they do something right and they both beam when Zurina and I give them praise. As a leadership consultant I know how important it is that I continue to praise even moderately good performance as research by Dr Ethna Reid shows that teachers who get the best results, validate regularly. Successful teachers also alternate between teaching and questioning (testing) for comprehension.

In leadership and management in a hectic paced world it is all too easy to criticise poor performance and to tell rather than ask. In our leadership for managers program, we emphasise and rehearse the arts of validation and asking good questions.

3. Story Telling

Children love stories and interpret our cultural moral code from those stories. Tasha knows who are the good princesses (coutesy of Disney) and who is the evil queen, Nathan is learning from Thomas the Tank Engine that when you break the rules you go off the rails, he even exclaims very loudly “oh no!” when this happens.

Effective leaders also tell stories that let their followers know what the vision and culture of the organisation is. These stories get retold and strongly influence the behaviour of the team or workforce. When I was teaching coaching skills at Singapore Airlines I noticed how they regularly used stories of  exemplary customer service to validate and reinforce the behaviour of going the extra mile service (GEMS).

Perhaps you have other Leadership Principles you have learned from children – feel free to share.

“If words of command are not clear and distinct, if orders are not thoroughly understood, the general is to blame. But if his orders are clear, and the soldiers nevertheless disobey, then it is the fault of their officers.” – Sun Tzu

On May 26-27, 2009  Self Leadership International will be conducting a 2-day “Leadership for Managers” Program in Singapore.

If you are interested in developing your leadership skills and mindset to cope and prosper during with this current economic climate then you should consider this program as an essential investment. Normally we run this program for large multi-national companies but the public run gives the opportunity for SME’s to send their managers for a world class training. This program is also ideal for those MNC’s that want a cost effective program for selected managers.

For full details of the program you can click here or contact Radu at our office on +65 6887 4335. Continue Reading »