The waitress arrived, and after taking my order ventured to practice her English by asking, “how are you tomorrow?” I smiled and chuckled and said that I intended to have a really good day tomorrow and that I was also having a good day today.

Her accidental phrase left me thinking because I had just spent most of the day teaching a group of senior managers that they were in control of their thoughts and feelings; in this context how are you tomorrow is not such as silly question.

As I have explained in previous blog posts, self leadership requires self confidence but it also requires self-determination. Self-determination is the free choice to determine one’s behaviours and therefore influence our own destiny. How are we tomorrow will in part be due to what we do today.

Self determination is also defined as the  freedom of the people of a given territory to determine their own political status. With the current situation in Iran we see a people passionately attempting to self determine their tomorrow. This situation is a powerful reminder that if we currently enjoy the freedom to exercise our own choice to live and create our own tomorrows we should be truly grateful. Even with the current economic changes we can still take action today  to make sure tomorrow is a better one.

Here is wishing you a happy, healthy and prosperous tomorrow.

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Some years ago I wrote an article on  self-leadership strategies to manage yourself during tough times and thought is appropriate to post it to this blog.

Let me know by your comments if you find it useful.

1. Differentiate between self-esteem, self-confidence

Self-esteem is not a thing! It is a process. Self-esteem is not fixed it is dynamic. Self-esteem is a judgment on your esteeming or valuing. How do you value yourself as a human being?

Nobody gave you your dignity and so nobody can take it away. Your ability to think, emote (experience emotions) to speak and to act are yours and therefore highly valuable.

Self-confidence is a judgment about our capabilities or competencies. There are things we do well and things we have not yet mastered. Our self-confidence is just an audit of our skill sets and should be put into the context of ‘there is no failure – only feedback’.

When viewed in this light we can develop and build our self-confidence without ever effecting our self-esteem.

2. Don’t Personalise or Catastrophise

Understand that bad stuff happens, even to good people. The first step in learned helplessness is to make it personal, the “why does it have to happen to me” syndrome.

Asking the ‘why‘ question can send you into a downward spiral.

Recognise the boundary between you and the world – me/not me. This enables you to contextualise the problem or situation and work towards a solution. By clearly differentiating your self-esteeming from the problem you can maintain a more objective and flexible approach. Catastrophising or personalising limits our options and can immobilise us in fear or self-defeat.

3. Set out a time frame to solution

When problems arise they can trick us in to believing they are forever. If you buy-in to the belief that the problem is permanent then you will be paralysed by dark thoughts. Realising that “this too shall pass” mobilises us to seek resolution and move our minds in the direction of a brighter future when the problem is behind us.How long will it take to solve this?

4. Take the problem to bits

Questions can break a problem into its component parts or reduce it to a manageable size.

• How specifically is this a problem?
• In what context is this a problem?
• According to whom is it a problem?
• What is this problem teaching me?

The last question can be a real eye opener as it presupposes that we learn from challenges and therefore become stronger.

5. Gather your resources

What do you need to know or whom do you need to speak to? Einstein said, “problems cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them”. What resources can you access to raise your level of thinking?” Sometimes just speaking to someone can clarify your situation and enable you to see other possibilities.

6. Look after yourself

At times of stress we can often take the short cut to relaxation and turn to alcohol or sedatives. On the contrary it is it times of greatest problems that we need to burn off our stress hormones with exercise. Take the time to exercise, especially in the fresh air, as this can re-charge your batteries and give you the stamina to overcome your obstacle. Eat healthily, your brain and body needs their nutrients and whether this challenge is a marathon or a sprint, you will need the energy from good foods. One health food that is sometimes overlooked in time of stress is a large dose of laughter. Laughter has a remarkable effect on the immune system and is a major stress reliever. If necessary hire yourself a funny video for you daily dose.

7. Reaffirm your Values

What we value gives us the desire and passion to act. Sometimes during crisis we can lose sight of what we really value. This is not a time to let go of your ideals. By getting deeply in touch with your value and passion you find the energy and resources to overcome your problems. If it is worth having – it is worth the struggle. When you throw a javelin it is necessary to take your throwing arm and the javelin behind your head to gain maximum propulsion. So it is with life, that sometimes a setback can give you greater propulsion. Finally, remember that luck is an acronym for Laboring Under Correct Knowledge.

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“We live in an age of unprecedented opportunity: if you’ve got ambition and smarts, you can rise to the top of your chosen profession, regardless of where you started out. But with opportunity comes responsibility. Companies today aren’t managing their employees’ careers; knowledge workers must, effectively, be their own chief executive officers. It’s up to you to carve out your place, to know when to change course, and to keep yourself engaged and productive during a work life that may span some 50 years.”  –

Self Development is intrinsic to self-leadership as leadership and learning are inseparable. So as Drucker says, we must take responsibility for our own growth and success – we must be the CEO of our own mind and body.

Self Development includes, developing healthy self esteem, self knowledge, self image, self belief and self confidence so that you can develop your unique talents and abilities and contribute.

Through Self development and self leadership we can find meaning and significance in our lives, attain states of self efficacy (Bandura), flow (Csikszentmihalyi) and self actualisation (Maslow).

• Self-efficacy is the belief that you are capable of performing in a certain way to attain your goals It is the belief that you have the capabilities to execute the courses of actions required to manage prospective situations. Self-efficacy is the opposite of helplessness (Seligman) it means you are the captain of your ship and you can set a course and navigate obstacles to reach your desired destination and win the prize.
• Flow is that mental state in which you are fully immersed in what you are doing doing; you experience  feelings of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity. You experience flow states when you challenge your abilities with an appropriate task, so that time goes away and you are fully in the moment. Surprisingly we find we are happiest when we are full engaged by work rather that slacking off and resting.
• Self actualisation is the desire to become everything that you arecapable of becoming and to find meaning in what you do. Self actualisation is the big “Why” question, it answers why you are here and why you are doing what you do.

Some organisations view self development in human capital but in the current financial climate it is more likely that your self development is up to you.

What are you doing about your self development?

• Are you regularly reading books or blogs that enrich your mind?
• Are you associating with people that challenge your thinking?
• Are you attending seminars or webinars that expand your perspective?
• Are you spending time in quiet reflection and evaluating what’s important to you and your community?

At Self Leadership International we include self development and positive psychology in all our programmes, in addition we teach certification programmes in Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP), NeuroSemantics and Coaching.

• NLP is essentially a model of learning and demonstrates that we can model human thinking, behaviour and communication.
• Neuro-Semantics is about translating great ideas into reality, about performing our highest meanings, about enriching our performances with the most compelling intentions, and getting to the heart of things via communication.
• Coaching is unlocking a person’s potential to maximise their own performance. It is helping them to learn rather than teaching them. Clients say that coaching brings out their best by helping them focus, break down tasks and clarify their values.

Through these technologies you can learn to lead your mind and body to create the results you want in your life.

To your highest and best!

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