From a self-leadership perspective, the answer lies in the question – to change we must change our ‘selves’. ‘Self’  is a matrix of frames of mind which includes our self beliefs and values which make up our ‘identify’ and we tend to conform to our identity. In short you behave to meet your expectations of how your ‘see’ yourself.

Ignoring the philosophical problem of who is the self that sees the self, the key to making a change in behaviour and a resoltion that sticks is to see your self in a new way.

In Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) there is technique known as the SWISH pattern and Positive Psychology has a similar intervention known as Best Possible Self.

The Swish works by imagining yourself as “the you for whom there is no problem”. For example if you procrastinate to exercise, overspend on  your credit card or lack confidence with new people, then you construct a ‘mental image’ of the you that can easily and successfully handle these, and other, situations. Once you have a rich and comprehensive idea of what the ‘new you’ would look like, sound like and feel like, you ‘step into’ this identity and believe and value this as the you that will move into the future.

Best Possible Self is similar with a diary option. 1 ) Imagine yourself in the future. 2) Imagine everything has gone about as well as it could have, and you have gotten most of the things that are important to you. 3) Spend 10 to 20 minutes of free writing describing this person.

You have heard of self-fulfilling prophesy, so why not write the prophesy you want fulfilled? Personally I am going to combine both techniques to ensure my 2011 is my best year ever. What about you?

“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt. ”
- William Shakespeare, “Measure for Measure”, Act 1 scene 4

Self Confidence is a critical skill for success and as an executive coach I often encounter people who sabotage their success by lack of confidence.

I think it is helpful to realise that confidence is not the belief that everything will turn out well; confidence is an acceptance of the consequences of any situation no matter whether they are good or bad and the belief that you can deal with them.

The self confident individual does not dwell on negative consequences because they don’t fear failure but see it as feedback for further improvement.

With self confidence as part of your self leadership you will not worry what others think of you but focus on the adjustment you need to make to your communication or behaviour to achieve your outcomes.

Using feedback to improve performance is likely to create positive results which in turn reinforce self confidence creating the belief that you will succeed again.

Self confidence should not be mistaken for over confidence or arrogance; such people do not have the self awareness to learn from feedback and have no concern for the input of others or how their actions affect others.

So the frames of mind that create self confidence are:

• Belief in your ability to learn
• There is no failure only feedback and feedback is just information for improvement
• Flexibility to do or say it in a different way
• Resilience to set-backs
• Persistence to see it through

Do you need to increase your self confidence today?