The ideal Mentee is:

High potential, commmited to their career, hungry to learn and disciplined enough to execute what they have learned.

In short, the ideal mentee is leadership material.

An ideal Mentor is:  

• Someone who has experience in field (they have been there before).
• Someone interested in developing others.
• Someone prepared to take another by the hand and guide them through the territory.
• Someone who asks questions that the mentee doesn’t ask themselves but ought to.
• Someone trustworthy who inspires confidence.
• Someone who will be there in time of need.

The Mentor needs to develop the following skills

1. Supporting
2. Listening
3. Validating growth and development (Cheer leading)
4. Questioning
5. Giving feedback to behaviours and skills
6. Guiding and offering perspective

At our mentor trainings we work on all these skills, but perhaps the most difficult is questioning. Questioning, because the art of mentoring is in the balance between guiding and self-discovery. In medicine, prescription without diagnosis is malpractice; it is therefore essential for the mentor to fully understand the mentee and their situation before offering advice. What worked for the mentor might not work for the mentee or their situation.

After asking questions the mentor can use his or her experience to point out ‘traps for young players’ such as misplaced priorities and pot holes that the mentee has not yet seen. An important role for the mentor is to help the mentee align their goals and values to those of the organization. Ultimately, the mentoring relationship can only be successful when the mentee takes their destiny in their own hands and takes action to achieve their goals.

The Principle of Mentoring

The principle of mentoring is to balance challenge with support. Too much challenge with not enough support and the mentee shuts down. Too much support and not enough challenge and the mentee just feels validated in their status quo.

If the mentor does too much for the mentee, they may actually compromise the mentees ability to reach their full potential. Ideally, when the correct frame of mind is identified the mentee will facilitate the mentee to integrate that and to take action.

Questioning

Here some ‘starter’ questions to use when mentoring.

• What do you want to get out of this session?
• What are your career objectives?
•  What is happening for you now?
• How do you know this?
• How do you feel about what is going on?
• What judgments are you making about people, the company or this situation?
• What have you learned from that?
• What do you most need from me right now?
• What questions does that raise?
• What result do you want?
• What options are open to you now?
• What is your biggest difficulty or problem?
• How can I help you move forwards on this issue?
• Can you think of three options for action?
• What are the pros and cons of each of these options?
• What first steps are you going to take before our next meeting?
• Whose responsibility is it to make this happen?
• On a scale of 1 to 10, how likely are you to do this action?

Mentoring is NOT telling someone what to do or just giving advice. When the Mentor asks questions they allow the Mentee to reflect and synthesise and prepares them to apply new behaviours.

Done well, mentoring is beneficial for the mentor, the mentee and the organisation in terms of engagement, sharing  of knowledge and most importantly developing future leaders.

Done badly, mentoring becomes a chore for senior managers and increases the cynicism of would be high potentials. For more on this read the post, ‘Does Singapore Lack Leadership Skills?’

There are four presentation styles that every speaker should and can easily master. Watch the video and read the descriptions below.

Director Style

This is the presentation body language that commands attention while maintaining dignity and rapport. It offers no immediate opportunity for resistance.You will use it to give clear mobilizing directions.

Instructions: Stand straight, square the shoulders, and maintain eye contact. During instruction, stay as still as possible. After the instruction, freeze for a couple of breaths while slowly scanning room. Use a strong voice. Use visual words and physiology.

Discovery Style

This is the presentation body language used when ‘on stage’ or teaching.You can use it to elicit curiosity, wonder, excitement and discovery. To explore what is possible to know or learn; to build closeness and partnership with the audience.

Intsructions: Stand light on feet, move laterally across stage, Use lots of gestures congruent with content, voices and expressions, and maintain an air of playfulness. Use “Let’s”, “Us”, “We” and phrases such as “Here’s an idea. What do you think or feel about it?” “This is true for me, how about for you?” Move in and out of the audience.

Leadership Style

This is the presentation body language style that inspires and calls people to action. You can use it to unify a group, and get them to move toward commitment and action.

Instructions: Stand straight, breathe fully, and maintain eye contact. Keep one foot in front of the other; slightly turn body to one side of the audience at a time. If in center of audience, slowly rotate and speak to different sections.

Authenticity

This is the presentation body language used for establishing openness and authenticity. You can use it to own up to a mistake or deliver bad news.

Instructions: Use a calm voice. Sit down, open your palms upwards be emotionally vulnerable.

Practice these styles in front of a mirror and incorporate them in your next presentation or contact us for presentation skills coaching

Ask the tough question

•  “Send me some more information!”

• “Let me think it over!”

These are the two statements that most prospective clients use on sales people. And unfortunately, most of them get away with it.

1)      Unfortunate for the sales person, because he or she will need to call again to chase the prospect/client for an answer whilst having no guarantee of the result.

2)      Unfortunate for the prospect/client, because they will be called again and will have to spend valuable time either reevaluating or fobbing off the sales person.

Since we all know this happens, why are people still doing it?

1)      Because clients are often too polite to say “No” upfront.

2)      Because sales people are afraid to be upfront for fear of getting a “No”.

So, how can you save yourself and your prospect loads of time?

1) Assess if the client is interested – Immediately!

Next time you hear,  “Send me some more information!”Or “Let me think it over!”

Immediately ask the tough question:

“I just want to check with you if my service/product is of interest to you? If not, it will save us both valuable time if you can tell me upfront.”

This way you are giving the client permission to say “NO” and avoid the “unfortunate” part. But you also show that you are serious, have belief in your product and have no interest in chasing the client if they don’t need it.

Most intelligent prospect/ clients will respect that . Who knows? You may even get referrals if you ask for them and might hear “I don’t need it, but I know a friend who might.”

So, with this awareness, are you ready to ask the tough question?

Research has shown that the inability to build a successful relationship with the boss is a significant reason for managers failing or not reaching their full potential.

When I approach this topic I encounter a number of mindsets that lead to an inability to effectively influence, these include:

• My boss is autocratic
• My boss doesn’t listen to me
• I don’t want to jeopardise my career
• I have no power in the relationship
• My boss doesn’t give me time

Do any of these sound familiar?

The problem with blaming the boss is that you have created an external locus of control which is the exact opposite of self-leadership. To influence you must ask yourself what can I do that will make a difference? The purpose of this blog is to provide some ideas to get you started:

1. Create an Ally

Allies have open and honest conversations, they may not always agree but they will listen to what each other wants and assertively communicate what their own needs. “But my boss doesn’t care what I need” I hear you cry; and my response is, do you know what they need? and have you told them what you need?

2. Finding the boss’s currency

We all have currencies, those things that are important to us and ‘count’ in relationship. Bosses
currenices are likely to be some of the following:

• Commitment to the stated vision
• Doing things ‘the right way’
• Offering help without being asked
• Doing things faster than expected
• Providing information that they need
• Having a skill the boss does not have
• Acknowledging the bosses contribution to the organisation
• Activities that build the bosses reputation
• Using your contacts to expedite a task
• Expressing gratitude for anything the boss gives
• Minimising discomforts and distractions for the boss

Noticing which currencies the boss responds to and paying them in these currencies cost you a little in time and energy but sets up reciprocity.

3.Reciprocity

When something does something for us we feel consciously or unconsciously obliged to reciprocate.
Reciprocation is the number one principle of influence, why else do you think marketing campaigns offer you a free gift? If your boss ‘owes’ you first then you can assertively ask for what you want.

4.Assertiveness

We are most influential when we frame our influence with confidence and conviction. So using formula
for influencing your boss might look and sound like the following:

“Boss [use their name] I understand that x [insert currency or bosses pet project] is important to you and to do this I believe that we should [insert your suggestion here].”

“Boss [use their name] I appreciate that x [insert currency or bosses pet project] is important to you and to achieve this I will need [insert your request here].”

It is my experience that most employees underestimate their ability to Influence Without Authority, whether this is with their boss or their peers; believe you can influence and you will find a way.

Did you find these strategies useful? Do you have a success story on influencing your boss? Please share your stories.

In this short video I suggest that what to do with your hands is to make meaningful gestures.

2009 could be associated with many negative emotion; fear, anxiety, uncertainty, regret etc. This is not all bad because emotions have ‘motivational consequences’. If we view our emotions as a feedback system, we can use the information to change our behaviours or make better choices.

Positive Emotions

My opening paragraph is unlikely to be a surprise because there has been copious research into so called ‘negative’ emotions, in fact studies into negative emotions outnumbers those on positive emotions by 25 to 1!

What has been revealed is that negative emotions, narrow our focus and actions but feeling good broadens our interests and helps us build our capablilities. Positive emotions make us more curious and interested and therefore more likely to try new activities and develop new skills. Postive emotions have been shown to make people more creative and better problem solvers and therefore an essential ingredient for innovation.

Benefits of Positive Emotion

A 2005 article by Lyubomirsky, King and Diener in Psychological Bulletin listed the proven benefits of positive emotion. I have summarised them here for you to consider your outlook for 2010.

At Work

Being positive is associate with:

• Higher salaries
• Better supervisor evaluations
• Better customer evaluations
• Less absenteeism
• Less employee turnover
• Better organizational behavior
• Better relationship with colleagues

Health and Social

• Positive people are less likely than negative people to develop a cold, and when they did the symptoms were far less severe.
• Positivity linked to less pain, physical symptoms, fewer hospital visits.
• Good relationships associated with better health and mental health.
• Happiest 10% are more sociable, have stronger friendships, and romantic relationships.
• Positive people volunteer more and are more willing to help others.
• Positive people are more extroverted and are less selfish.

The list speaks for itself and I know having had a few days off at Christmas, spending time with family and exercising has increased my positivity. Speaking to friends and colleagues all have mentioned a more positive and optimistic outlook for 2010 and so I for one will be making ‘being more positive’ a goal for next year – how about you?

During the 2-days training, using video feedback, the participants were transformed from nervous to confident and from unstructured to persuasive presenters.

Personal Brand

A key message that I shared was that each of us have a personal brand and that our ability to communicate and present effectively is essential to the building of that brand.

A couple of truths that I have observed in my work with multi-national organisations are:

1. It is not the most competent individual that gets promoted but the individual with competence and visibility.
2. The more senior we get, the less we are paid for what we do and more for what we influence others to do.

Feel free to watch the video of my introduction on presentation skills to these young professionals.

Did you know that your learning follows a path? Firstly you don’t know what your don’t know, which is a state I like to call “blissful ignorance.” On the learning path this is known as unconscious incompetence.

When you learn about something new you first enter a stage of knowing what you don’t know or can’t yet do;  this is known as conscious incompetence. This stage can be uncomfortable for adult learners as they feel awkward and self-conscious as they start practicing the skill. Many people have given up at this stage, think of those guitar lessons or yoga classes that you so eagerly signed up for. If the goal is important enough we push through the discomfort of not knowing and move to the next level, if you have learned to drive a car or use a piece of new software you know what I mean.

With practice comes conscious competence – you know how to do the skill although you might still need to pay some attention to the task. Think about when you just passed your driving test or learned how to ride a bike – you could do it but you were still a bit wobbly.

The next stage is unconscious competence where you can complete the  task automatically. If you can touch type your fingers know where the ‘Z’ key is without you even thinking. Unfortunately many people drive this way as they talk on their mobile phones and eat fast food whilst navigating the roads! Most people stop learning at this level as the amount of practice to achieve the next level of mastery does not seem worth the effort.

Finally there is consciousness of your unconscious competence – this is a high level of awareness of what you know and how you know it. At this level of learning the master of his or her craft seeks to find the fine distinctions that take knowledge or skills to new levels or into new contexts.  Many of us have experienced a teacher who knew thier subject (unconsious competence) but could not really teach it because they lacked a high level of awareness of how they do what they do.

To be an effective leader, teacher, coach or mentor we must understand the learning path and help our staff or students navigate it. We must remember the challenges we had in learning and share how we overcame these obstacles. It is too easy to become frustrated when it takes someone a while to get what we think is easy but we have usually forgotten to help them learn rather than just telling them.

Most importantly if you are stuck at conscious incompetence – ask for help, find a coach or someone who has mastered this before and ask them how they learned to learn the skill.

It is a bit like if you were in a boat and have set your course, but the boat springs a leak and you spend your whole time bailing water and have no time to steer.

William Bridges created a model of change and transition that is highly relevant in today’s financial readjustment. When the collapse of Lehman Brothers started the domino effect of the global crisis, many of us would have experienced first shock, then denial, anger and fear. If you lost money or a job you might then experience grief, frustration, confusion, stress and loss of control.

As an executive coach and leadership consultant I have often witnessed this spiraling down into paralysis that Bridges calls the ‘neutral zone’. Symptoms of the neutral zone include ambiguity, anxiety and the absence of motivation. The cure for this paralysis is a new vision of what is possible.

Einstein said that, “A problem cannot be solved with the same level of thinking that created the problem.” When in the neutral zone, we are in a dark place and our ability to think optimistically and see possibilities is severely limited. What is required is a little magic, the magic of imagination. All of human achievement started with imagination, from running a mile in under 4 minutes, to imagining what it would be like on the top of Mount Everest to imagining walking on the surface of the moon.

A vision will inspire, motivate and engender creativity and it starts with using imagination to travel to the future when things will be better. The Executive who asks him/herself, “What is possible?” “What will we be doing when things are better?” To do achieve this we must take time to stop bailing the water in the boat and look to the shore. Most executives find this extremely difficult as they leave themselves little or no time to stop, step back and think strategically.

With a new vision of where you are going, you and your people will become more optimistic, think creatively and start planning actions that will move you towards success.

It was no surprise that Barack Obama beat John McCain; Dr Martin Seligman in his book ‘Learned Optimism’ talks about his analysis of US elections based on the number of positive or optimistic comments made by the candidates. Obama clearly offered a more optimistic view of the future and thus captured the popular vote.

Obama is being called a transformational leader because he:

1. Created a vision that inspired the American voters (and the world) to believe that there were new possibilities.

2. Stimulates people to think, to re-examine their ideas and find creative alternatives. Such an environment breeds imagination and innovation.

3. Treats people as individuals making people feel valued and encouraging them to contribute. He recognizes that people have unique talents, strengths and weakness and allowing for these differences without judgment.

The transformational leader must have what I like to call ‘realistic optimism’ which is a practical and pragmatic approach that is ideally suited to the current climate. Realistic optimism is the mindset that we can make the best of any circumstance; it is the acceptance that bad things do happen but with a healthy self-esteem and the confidence in our abilities we can overcome adversity, learn from the situation and be even better for the experience.

Optimism without right actions and following sound principles will not be enough. Lehman Brothers failed because of over-optimism and the senior management not being in alignment with their own company’s vision and values.

In the current climate it is tempting to focus on immediate need and make tactical rather than strategic decisions; I urge you to step back for a moment, get in touch with your personal or company vision and ask yourself, “Is this decision the right one for the long term?”

Andrew Bryant is the Director of Self Leadership International and is based in Singapore but travels extensively as an executive coach and leadership consultant.

“If words of command are not clear and distinct, if orders are not thoroughly understood, the general is to blame. But if his orders are clear, and the soldiers nevertheless disobey, then it is the fault of their officers.” – Sun Tzu

On May 26-27, 2009  Self Leadership International will be conducting a 2-day “Leadership for Managers” Program in Singapore.

If you are interested in developing your leadership skills and mindset to cope and prosper during with this current economic climate then you should consider this program as an essential investment. Normally we run this program for large multi-national companies but the public run gives the opportunity for SME’s to send their managers for a world class training. This program is also ideal for those MNC’s that want a cost effective program for selected managers.

For full details of the program you can click here or contact Radu at our office on +65 6887 4335.

Benefits include:

• Develop the skills and attitude which will enable you to lead and motivate your people
• Meet and exceed your objectives
• Be able to delegate effectively
• Effectively stimulate high performers
• Anticipate and manage conflict
• Sustain productive working relationships
• Communicate a clear vision
• Develop and sustain a culture of excellence in your team
• Build a committed and highly productive team

Can you afford to miss it?