Self Leadership Coaching Blog

With the current economic downturn it is easy to be sad and serious and much harder to be lighthearted and fun – or is it?

Humor is a great stress reliever with  many positive health benefits and importantly in this current climate it causes us to step back and get a new perspective.

Allow me to share with you what a fun week I have had with the intention of inspiring you to have a little laugh…

On Tuesday night I performed 8 minutes of stand-up comedy; this had been on my bucket list for years as  I  had heard that stand-up is a real test of  skill. The aim of stand-up is to get six laughs a minute which is a hell of an achievement with a group of strangers. I didn’t get 6 laughs a minute but I did get the crowd to laugh as you can see and hear on this YouTube Video. Continue Reading »

Should is a signpost to our mental maps. When you say, “I should do this or I shouldn’t do that”, you are telling yourself and those who are listening about your personal ‘rules of behaviour’.

What is more interesting however are the ‘unsaid shoulds’.  When we get angry or upset it is most probably because somebody else has not complied with our ‘shoulds‘ or ‘shouldn’ts‘.

For example; if somebody pushes in front of you in a queue, do you feel angry? You do? Well that is because you (and me for that matter) believe that they shouldn’t push in.

Customer service is all about anticipating the expectation of should and shouldn’t. Last weekend I was taking my wife and children to see Barney (the pink dinosaur who dances!) at the Singapore Expo. Well firstly the car park was a nightmare, not enough spaces and people parking illegally and blocking traffic.  I could feel my stress levels rising as I knew I should get the kids to the show on time and that the expo SHOULD have provided enough parking.

I chose to drop my family at the entrance and go and find another car park, so after jogging back to the venue I was just in time for the show to start. My wife asked me to find two seat boosters for the kids and so I hurriedly set off in search of these only to be told by expo staff that they had run out of boosters and that I SHOULD have been there earlier!
Now I am not proud of my response to this situation because I raised my voice and told the girl that I had paid for the most expensive seats to see the damn dinosaur and I damn well think they SHOULD provide enough boosters!  In defense of the Singapore Expo or the organisers of Barney and Friends we were recompensed with two buckets of popcorn but it is another example of reacting to a ‘should’.

I have just stayed at an excellent hotel (The Grand Millennium Bangkok, Thailand) where my every need was anticipated. On check-in I was asked, “Should I need a wake up call and should I need a car to take me to the airport.” This hotel continued to impress me and I was reminded of how wonderful life is when the world meets or exceeds your mental maps.

The reason I was in Bangkok was to conduct a 3-day leadership program for senior managers and during that training I emphasised using the phrase, “what’s important to you about that?” This question uncovers a person’s values including their – ‘shoulds’. Knowing your own and other people’s mental map results in effective communication reduced conflict and increased influence.

So shouldn’t you get better at your shoulds?

Quick pop quiz: In the last 48 hours have you experienced significant levels of frustration, fatigue, muscle tension, irritability, anger, cynicism, negativity or a feeling of being out of control?

All of these are signs of STRESS.

Success in today’s fast-paced and ever-changing environment requires the ability to effectively manage our own stress in the face of an increasing number of stressors. Continue Reading »

Every executive knows that they must have a vision and mission statement but in times of crisis these important documents can be forgotten.

It is a bit like if you were in a boat and have set your course, but the boat springs a leak and you spend your whole time bailing water and have no time to steer.

William Bridges created a model of change and transition that is highly relevant in today’s financial readjustment. Continue Reading »

We often lead and manage others whilst paying little attention to how we manage ourselves.

As a wake up call to all of us I thought I would post  13 ways to mis-manage your health and seriously reduce your happiness and life expectancy. Continue Reading »