Self-coaching Questions - for when things go wrong

If you have ever tortured yourself over a setback or failure, or ever wondered if successful people do something different, then have I got news for you.

"Set-backs and failures are part of life, and if you are an entrepreneur or leader, how you handle set-backs and failures will determine your long-term success."

With 20 years of experience as an Executive Coach,  I have learned the power of questions, and in this post, I will share with you some self-coaching questions you ask yourself.

Read on, or Watch the Video

Quality Controlling your Questions will determine the quantity of your Control. I have been guilty, in the past, of the self-indulgence of asking,

“Why me?”

When the world appeared to conspire against me. Or the self-recriminating question of.

“What did I do wrong?”

When things did not go as planned. Perhaps you have caught yourself asking the same questions, but did you know there are better questions?

Questions that move you toward a solution rather than letting you sink into a pit of despair. "What are these questions?" I hear you ask.

Coaching Question 1: “What is really happening here?”

This question is designed to put everything in perspective and dial down our reactivity. The emphasis is on what is real. Rather than what we imagine.

Asking, “What is really happening here?", puts us in detective mode, with a string of sub-questions such as; "Who did what specifically?", "Where specifically?","When specifically?" And, "With what intention?"

These indexing questions ensure that we overcome our initial bias or reaction to a situation, and they buy us a moment before we respond, saving us the embarrassment of making things worse.

Coaching Question 2: “What is this asking of me?"

When you ask this question, you tap into your resources, rather than being a helpless victim. The question assumes that you have the capacity to respond to the situation you are facing, and your brain starts looking for options.

"What is this asking of me?"

Is an amazing self-reflection that everyone, especially a leader should ask. In my coaching practice, I notice that the leaders who ask this question are the most resilient and creative in finding solutions.

Question 3: "What is my next move?"

With question one, we got clarity, with question two we got resources and with question 3 we get action.

In chess, you can lose a key piece, such as your Queen, but still, win the game. But to do so you need to make a move. This question is designed for you to choose your next move, to choose to take action because Self-leadership is about your intention to influence your actions toward your objectives.

And the One Question you should never ask

The question you should never ask. That question is:

“Why is this so hard?”

When we ask this question our brain dutifully provides a long list of reasons, why this situation is so hard, and we become demotivated and give up.

Years ago, I stopped asking this when I faced a challenge and I recommend you do too. Why? Because whether something is hard or not is irrelevant, what is relevant is whether your goals or purpose is big enough to do what’s required.

So, What’s Really Happening Here?

I'm challenging you to take control because,

“Quality Control of your Questions will determine the quantity of your Control.”

And What is this asking of you? Control your questions.

And what is your next move? Well, that’s entirely up to you, however, I think you should share this video with 5 friends and ask them to support you in asking good questions about yourself, So, what are you waiting for?

And remember:

"You can’t lead others – unless you first lead yourself."

Need More Help?

Here are two amazing programs to help your coach yourself, The Self Leadership Accelerator, and The Executive Presence Accelerator.